The Student Room Group

Falling in love with someone else...

I'm in a relationship for over five years, but recently met a guy at university who I really like. The last few times we met, we were physical and last night he kissed me. I didn't resist and it is very obvious we both seem to be falling for one another. I have come to realize that I need to put my needs and happiness first, but this is scaring me. After all, five years is a long time. On the other hand, things have not always been great, but especially in the last few weeks my boyfriend has been so nice to me.
It confuses me a lot.
Reply 1
either way, things cant continue they way there going, and i think you realise you need to choose one to keep and one to let go.

I think you need to ask yourself, is the new guy purely lust because you dont see your boyfriend enough to satifiy your cravings. Or can you see something more developing, do you feel stronger about this guy than you have about your boyfriend.

And remember the grass is always greener on the otherside.
Reply 2
If you're falling out of love with your boyfriend, then you must talk with him and sort out how you both feel. After such a long time, it's not worth just throwing the relationship away.
If at the end of this, you decide that you no longer want to stay with your boyfriend, then you could start looking at a new relationship.

Do you have distance as a problem? Because if the new guy is at university with you and your boyfriend is further away, it may seem all the more tempting to go for the new and nearby.
Reply 3
I live with my boyfriend.
Over the last year I have repeatedly thought about breaking up with him and have always put it off as something stupid.
But I feel like our relationship is restricting things I want to do. I can't even explain it.
My bf doesn't go to uni, he is working on a project, but that is going very slowly.
Reply 4
You managed five years with your current boyfriend. Maybe this guy at university with you is just filling a gap that you don't perceive your existing relationship to fill... i.e. by the distance, etc. I strongly advise you to talk your relationship over with your boyfriend, and address any concerns you have about where the relationship is going, or what it's missing.
Reply 5
Anonymous
I live with my boyfriend.
Over the last year I have repeatedly thought about breaking up with him and have always put it off as something stupid.
But I feel like our relationship is restricting things I want to do. I can't even explain it.
My bf doesn't go to uni, he is working on a project, but that is going very slowly.

If you don't mind my asking, what stopped you from breaking up with him when you wanted to? Were your reasons for breaking up with him not solid, in your opinion?
Reply 6
renna
If you don't mind my asking, what stopped you from breaking up with him when you wanted to? Were your reasons for breaking up with him not solid, in your opinion?

I just didn't have the guts to. Sounds silly, I know. But in the past we had some ugly fights where really ugly things were said.
This has improved drastically though.
However, I somehow yearn for a life as a single (and having said that: I don't think the guy at uni would be a real relationship, but he certainly helps me to be more myself....) where I can do as I please and so on.

My boyfriend is considering moving due to project soon. My reaction to that simply was to tell him that I would follow him, but not come right away. I need to see that it is working out first.
However, I can also see this as a chance to check whether or not a break-up is what I want.
Reply 7
do you think you would have the guts now. Not being yourself around your boyfriend is a really bad sign.
Reply 8
Glory
do you think you would have the guts now. Not being yourself around your boyfriend is a really bad sign.

I realize that. A lot of the time I just don't do things I would like to do cause of him. I understand that compromises are needed and I certainly don't wanna paint a bad picture here, we do nice things together, have the same music and movie taste (for people who love music, this is very important), but then there are the university things he has absolutely no understanding for (he doesn't believe in degrees, which, honestly, for this field are not required) and so on.

I don't know if I have the guts now. I wanna see what happens. As you can see, I am VERY confused at the moment.
I feel like I have changed, the guy at uni makes me feel so balanced, when at home I am often on edge and not as easygoing. It makes me feel good about myself when I'm balanced and relaxed.
then tell him, speak to him, and as for the degrees, he's an entrepreneur we all think like that, we think degrees are pointless when you could be running your own business, and not working 9-5 etc.
It would be a good idea to talk to him, and straighten it, 5 years...it's a long time and he's probably going to get pretty hurt, try to speak to him and loosen up around him so you feel like yourself, it could be psychological.
Reply 10
if your present boyfriend can do JUST what this new guy can do, then i'd let the new guy go. but if you believe this new guy can give you more in everything, then i'd let your old boyfriend go. i think he might understand. after all, he might be feeling just the same thing.
Reply 11
cielo
if your present boyfriend can do JUST what this new guy can do, then i'd let the new guy go. but if you believe this new guy can give you more in everything, then i'd let your old boyfriend go. i think he might understand. after all, he might be feeling just the same thing.


I agree. Especially in light of the OP not feeling herself around her current boyfriend... it's a lot different to a match-made-in-heaven relationship.
Reply 12
But having said that definitely talk things through with your boyfriend first before committing to anything!
How old are you anyway, 5 years is an awful lot to throw away, have you talked with your b/f yet about whats going wrong, maybe you can find away to put the spark back in the relationship, either way kissing this other guy solves nothing.

If you really want this other guy so badly least end it with your current b/f first.
I was in a relationship that was ended because of the same sort of reasons. We had been together for nearly 4 years. But after it ended we both knew it was a mistake soon after, she slept with someone else which turned out to really hurt me and she regrets it and now we're back together again. You should try having a break from your boyfriend and just see how you feel. There is a high chance you will feel that something huge has gone missing out your life and you wish you hadn't ended it, so I wouldn't end your relationship if you are in a confused state, only do it if you become positive it's what you really want and aren't going to regret it later.