This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- University with friends?
- I am 15, turning 16 in less than 2 months, and I find it hard to make friends, what d
- Help with friendgroups (at a girl school)
- Dilemma - Friendship and holidays.
- Clingy friend affecting me making new friendships
- My only friend on the course might be leaving
- LAET (enrolled students pls help)
- are uni friends rlly for life?
- does anyone else not feel like they like their university friends?
- How do I make friends when I don't go out?
- Why does every guy choose my friend over me?
- Missing my old secondary school- moving to a new sixth form
- making friends after college, no uni
- People don't like me it seems
- what should i do about my friends/life?? all fake names
- Is this a date?
- Need a healthy rant and vent.
- Making friends
- Crush
- How to not be jealous of your friends' success
Friends.
Ok, several experiences I've recently had with my friends, and it's really starting to worry me... and I want to know if it's fair for me to be unbelievably pissed off with each one, and they are all the ******s I think they are, or if I'm being unfair and paranoid. 
Simple game really. I'll keep 'em short, I could rabbit on for hours about each one, if you need any more information feel free to ask. They might sound petty, but hey, my friends are petty. 
I've spoilered them so this post doesn't look too intimidating, because we all know what nice long posts do to people. 
Don't feel compelled to read them all.
It all sounds pathetic, I know, but I just don't understand if it's them being childish or me... I've tried to be reasonable, and no doubt some of them have too, but it's ended up in them being (in my opinion) unreasonable and unfriendly, and I can't stand it any more.
Opinions?
Simple game really. I'll keep 'em short, I could rabbit on for hours about each one, if you need any more information feel free to ask. They might sound petty, but hey, my friends are petty. I've spoilered them so this post doesn't look too intimidating, because we all know what nice long posts do to people. Don't feel compelled to read them all.Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
Spoiler
It all sounds pathetic, I know, but I just don't understand if it's them being childish or me... I've tried to be reasonable, and no doubt some of them have too, but it's ended up in them being (in my opinion) unreasonable and unfriendly, and I can't stand it any more.
Opinions?
Scroll to see replies
Sounds like the typical 5 year friendship expiry for many of your friends. Its pretty well known that after 5 years friends tend to grow apart and meet new groups of people. I dont have any contact with any friends from school and hardly any from college.
You just grow apart, have less in common and meet new people and experience new things.
You just grow apart, have less in common and meet new people and experience new things.
Er, you got aggressive over msn?
Perhaps although you see it as asking politely about your friendship, other people find it intimidating and pushy. I know if someone I was friends with asked me why I was different with other people I wouldn't know what to say and probably avoid another confrontation of that sort.
Perhaps although you see it as asking politely about your friendship, other people find it intimidating and pushy. I know if someone I was friends with asked me why I was different with other people I wouldn't know what to say and probably avoid another confrontation of that sort.
Wow, I thought these complicated friendship things only happened to girls
My advice would be to get a new group of friends. I'm assuming that you have more than five friends, so start hanging with out with some other people and leave these idiots (especially 1,2 and 5) to themselves.
Besides, you're starting uni in a year (good luck with that btw!), so you don't need a particularly close group of best friends, just a few people who you get on with.
Hope it all works out.
My advice would be to get a new group of friends. I'm assuming that you have more than five friends, so start hanging with out with some other people and leave these idiots (especially 1,2 and 5) to themselves.
Besides, you're starting uni in a year (good luck with that btw!), so you don't need a particularly close group of best friends, just a few people who you get on with.
Hope it all works out.
motoko
No. 1 sounds like a waste of space, standing you up then blocking you on MSN? As does No. 2, more so than 1, saying things like he "has better friends" and that "you're gay" is out of ****ing order.
I think he is homophobic though. And I'm sure he doesn't choose to be...
not that that makes it any better, I guess.Bubblebee
Er, you got aggressive over msn?
Perhaps although you see it as asking politely about your friendship, other people find it intimidating and pushy. I know if someone I was friends with asked me why I was different with other people I wouldn't know what to say and probably avoid another confrontation of that sort.
Perhaps although you see it as asking politely about your friendship, other people find it intimidating and pushy. I know if someone I was friends with asked me why I was different with other people I wouldn't know what to say and probably avoid another confrontation of that sort.
It's kinda hard not to get aggressive... I assume you mean #5. Added to the fact that this guy was more than just a friend in my eyes, not to mention the fact he was one of the best friends I had around that time, and I barely saw him any more in school or on msn (before the time when I had a phone, too), there was no other place I could get aggressive.
I was angry with him, I guess, and wasn't even asking him to do anything, I was just asking what was happening. Must have been a weird question, I admit, but I was hurt when I thought we were good friends and then I saw him with them and he was like a completely different person - so much more outgoing and happy than the guy I knew. I know it wasn't a conscious decision on his part, but that kind of upset me - as if he was just pretending to be happy when he was around me or something. I'm sure you know what I mean.Ella_belle
Wow, I thought these complicated friendship things only happened to girls
Nope, wish it did.
Then again all my male friends seem to have nice simple friendships. Why can't I just not care like them? Ella_belle
My advice would be to get a new group of friends. I'm assuming that you have more than five friends, so start hanging with out with some other people and leave these idiots (especially 1,2 and 5) to themselves.
I do - 5 has given me no choice, I cut all contact with 1 just before writing that post (he pushed me over the edge, in some kind of crazy TSR posting sense
), and 2 I'm not bothered about any more. I do have better friends, but meh, I don't understand why I always have to sacrifice something - I can either have loads of friends but they're all crap, or good friends but there's about two of them. More to the point, I don't understand why everyone else picks the "loads of crap friends" option, unless they really do have loads of good friends and I'm just doing something wrong... bah, ignore my sleepless ramble. Thanks for your replies.
Clarence
This has happened to me and my friends, i've grown apart from them. Alot. My best friend and I were literally inseprepable and now well, she has started to ignore me for no reason...so well, its clear she isn't exactly a friend at all.
Indeed, but she once was your best friend... so something's changed. I wonder why people change, I've never had an answer to that.
(Also, 2222 posts - well done.
)Regardless of whether or not people change, there's no excuse for arranging to meet without turning up, and ignoring people like this. This is sh*t behaviour from a friend, which is a shame because you seem like a really nice guy. Maybe it's time to mingle with other people at college?
Gamma
Regardless of whether or not people change, there's no excuse for arranging to meet without turning up, and ignoring people like this. This is sh*t behaviour from a friend, which is a shame because you seem like a really nice guy. Maybe it's time to mingle with other people at college?
Heh, half of these are people from the year below because I can't stand my year, because they're all like this or worse.
False modesty aside, I think I am a nice guy when people get to know me... it's just that they often don't get to know me as fast as I think they do, and then I seem pushy, or something. I dunno. However, people changing wasn't a reference to the guy who didn't turn up - I'd known him maybe 6 months or so. In particular, I mean the guy who used to be my best friend who's now a coke addict with four jobs and on his third girlfriend who doesn't have time for me because he's busy shooting things, but there are more examples.Thanks for your reply.
Maybe I should just stick it out for the next year until I go off to uni.Exactly. Sometimes it's just their attitude towards you that changes. I'll never understand why. Maybe she just... got bored of you. Happened to me before.
Happened to me before.
Mate, I don't mean to sound harsh or anything like that but i think you're clutching too much with your mates. I mean I did it about a year ago bt I realised that friendships are really complicated and you can't just expect your friends to alkways hang out with you. It's like you want to control them and I just perceive that you are very jealous the fact that they have other friends aside from you. I mean you gotta let go. If I was one of your friends, I would really distant myself as you appear to be someone who just clutches too much and who wants them all by to yourself which isn't nice.
I used to be like that. Wanted my mates to hang aroud with me all the time but that can clearly not happen. At some point, what I did was to basically just find new friends but still maintaining contact with my old friends. I mean its quite hard fitting in again to another set of new friends but if you really are a great guy witha great personality, you wouldn't find any troubles doing so. Just try to be a normal friend and don't expect them to phone you, or chat to you all the time. I mean with your sexuality and everything, it will kinda make them think twice as if you keep on wanting them to be around you, they wil think that you fancy them and want to spend time with you all the time.
I used to be like that. Wanted my mates to hang aroud with me all the time but that can clearly not happen. At some point, what I did was to basically just find new friends but still maintaining contact with my old friends. I mean its quite hard fitting in again to another set of new friends but if you really are a great guy witha great personality, you wouldn't find any troubles doing so. Just try to be a normal friend and don't expect them to phone you, or chat to you all the time. I mean with your sexuality and everything, it will kinda make them think twice as if you keep on wanting them to be around you, they wil think that you fancy them and want to spend time with you all the time.
generalebriety
Thanks for your reply. Maybe I should just stick it out for the next year until I go off to uni.
Maybe I should just stick it out for the next year until I go off to uni.To be honest that sounds like your best bet, you will no doubt make plenty of friends at uni. Perhaps you could also spend more time with the other friends you mentioned before, sacrifices do have to be made unfortunately.
Well, thanks, you just made me out to be a total **** there. (Edit: anon #1, not Gamma or anyone. )I see what you mean though, and honestly, that's not how I act. I know me being gay freaks a couple of people out, but hey, I thought people were meant to be open-minded nowadays... and I don't mind if they are homophobic if they don't lie about it.
Essentially I'm perfectly normally laid back about my friends, probably more so than a lot of people I know, until they start being weird with me... then I react worse than other people would. I know that. When I was standing in Liverpool waiting for this guy to turn up I knew he wasn't coming and I was furious... I wouldn't have cared at all if he'd texted me while I was standing there just to say he wasn't coming so I didn't have to wait any longer, it would've all been fine, but because he didn't I snapped at him. Not that he deserved better by then... hmm, I'm muddling myself up. I'll start again. Couple of years back I was really trusting and forgiving and so on... and I still am. Thing is, when something went wrong, like someone failed to turn up or something, naturally I was angry/annoyed, but I didn't hold it against them and once I'd got across that I was pissed off over it I dropped it and they were my friend again. Then friend #4 happened to me, and I haven't been the same since - I'm equally trusting and forgiving, but if someone pushes me too far, like the guy who didn't turn up at Liverpool or contact me or show any vague signs of remorse, I will now just not trust them again, whereas before I would've been really forgiving and so on. That make sense? Is that even relevant? I've lost track of this post.
Sorry.Gamma
To be honest that sounds like your best bet, you will no doubt make plenty of friends at uni. Perhaps you could also spend more time with the other friends you mentioned before, sacrifices do have to be made unfortunately.
I plan to do so.
Thanks.i'm not saying they don't hang out with you coz your gay or whatever. Its just a reason why they might be freaked out by your actions coz your so neurotic on whether they talk to you on msn or not. I mean does it matter if they talk to you or not? its not like its gonna affect your life or anything. If your desperate to talk to them then meet up with them or something(i know you tried to but they did fail). I just think you want them to be always hanging out with you and you don't want them to be hanging out with someone else as clearly in your orignal post, you got so pissed off when you found out they were hanging out with some other people. just let it go man.
No, my original post said that one of my friends thought I was pissed off when I saw him going out with other people, which of course I wasn't, I would have been pissed off if he never went out with me or spoke to me or anything. And you're right - of course it matters if they talk to me or not, because they're my friends and I don't get to see them in real life. Some friend you are if it doesn't matter if your friends speak to you or not. My friends are important to me... surely that's a fairly good reason to get wound up when they refuse to see me or speak to me with little or no good reason?
My friends are important to me... surely that's a fairly good reason to get wound up when they refuse to see me or speak to me with little or no good reason?But you did said that yo are pissed off from friend 2 for not seeing you often because he MAY have better friends or etc. My friends are important to me. Very important in fact but I don't go on a huge hissy fit if they don't see me just because of a stupid reason. I mean I have been cancelled quite a lot of times due to little reasons i.e. family gatherings etc. However I still do see them afterwards. I think you need to think clearly here, If your friends don't want to see you, them naybe the reason is you. Maybe you are just overbearing and maybe they don't like your personality anymore. Another perspective is maybe they're not you're friends after all. Surely if they are your friends and likewise to them, they will want to see you more often but clearly they don't. Maybe, you are just overanalyzing everything. I mean so what if they don't see you, what about your other friends(if you have other friends) aside from the magic 5 bunch. I mean dude, you gotta chill out. I haven't seen my "original friends" for about 4 weeks or so but i do hang out with other people. I mean there's no point in clutching to the same friends for a while as this will prevent you from meeting other people.
I'm overanalysing? His excuse for not wanting to see me was "I have other friends". Nothing to do with me - I invited him and got that thrown at me.
I mean so what if they don't see you, what about your other friends(if you have other friends) aside from the magic 5 bunch. I mean dude, you gotta chill out. I haven't seen my "original friends" for about 4 weeks or so but i do hang out with other people. I mean there's no point in clutching to the same friends for a while as this will prevent you from meeting other people.
"So what if they don't see you" - well they're my friends, presumably... 4 weeks, you're lucky, I've seen one of my best friends once in 15 months, but it doesn't bother me as long as I know he's not just pissing about. I have answered about my other friends. I have a few good friends (very few though) and I have a lot of other friends like these people except not quite as intolerable. As for meeting other people (edit: if you mean new people, not other friends that I haven't met for a while) - that's something I'm really not sure I want to do right now, since every time I have done so lately it seems to have ended up falling flat on its face, and I don't want to run that risk again.
Anonymous
"So what if they don't see you" - well they're my friends, presumably... 4 weeks, you're lucky, I've seen one of my best friends once in 15 months, but it doesn't bother me as long as I know he's not just pissing about. I have answered about my other friends. I have a few good friends (very few though) and I have a lot of other friends like these people except not quite as intolerable. As for meeting other people (edit: if you mean new people, not other friends that I haven't met for a while) - that's something I'm really not sure I want to do right now, since every time I have done so lately it seems to have ended up falling flat on its face, and I don't want to run that risk again.
Related discussions
- University with friends?
- I am 15, turning 16 in less than 2 months, and I find it hard to make friends, what d
- Help with friendgroups (at a girl school)
- Dilemma - Friendship and holidays.
- Clingy friend affecting me making new friendships
- My only friend on the course might be leaving
- LAET (enrolled students pls help)
- are uni friends rlly for life?
- does anyone else not feel like they like their university friends?
- How do I make friends when I don't go out?
- Why does every guy choose my friend over me?
- Missing my old secondary school- moving to a new sixth form
- making friends after college, no uni
- People don't like me it seems
- what should i do about my friends/life?? all fake names
- Is this a date?
- Need a healthy rant and vent.
- Making friends
- Crush
- How to not be jealous of your friends' success
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 month ago
Engineering vs. Medicine: Stuck Between Dreams and ExpectationsLast reply 1 month ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 1 month ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.
