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How do I tell him I'm not interested?

A guy who I went out with very briefly four years ago and is still on my MSN periodically talks to me, and I think he still fancies me - I don't feel the same way, which is why I ended things ages ago. He keeps inviting me to come and see him (he lives a few hours' drive away) in his flat, and doesn't get the hint when I say "Yeah, maybe" and then change the subject or "Well, I am very busy over the summer". He always asks about my boyfriend in the same sentence as 'Hi, how are you?' - grrr!

He's put me in his MSN name "..... :suith:

<my name>, BMFL :suith:

..." even though I haven't seen him for years and don't often talk to him. Also, he changed his name to "<my name>, Just Knowing Your My Friend Make Me The Happyist Guy In The World!!!" whilst we were talking last night. I would barely consider him a friend! Cheesy (and he can't even spell...another thing about him that really winds me up, even though I'm not at all bothered about people's spelling), and he keeps going on about feeling lonely... he's not being very subtle. I could come up with a long list of things he does that wind me up, but that'd be rude. Suffice to say, I could never go out with the guy.

I guess I'm afraid of being too harsh, but how do I say politely that I'm not interested and that he should grow up and get over a girl he went out with once four years ago?

Reply 1

TrentEnd

2

Just tell him! He sounds a bit weird to be honest, so he needs telling sooner rather than later.

By the way, what does BMFL mean?

Reply 2

lil one

2

Lol I know exactly how you feel. Before he gets a chance to claim your leading him on in the future, just say straight out to him next time your not interested. You could perhaps ask him, so you intrested in anyone at the moment, in which case he'll ask what about you, and thats your chance to say, no nobody at all :biggrin:

lol that should make it clear. Then if he more or less says it clearly that he likes you, I would say lol yeh were good friends :smile:

.

Hope this helps - will post more when I think of them. Goodluck xxx

P.S (those screenames are very very cheesy haha)

Reply 3

lil one

2

TrentEnd

Just tell him! He sounds a bit weird to be honest, so he needs telling sooner rather than later.

By the way, what does BMFL mean?

Best Mate For Life

Reply 4

tctc

block him for a bit.. works wonders

Reply 5

Madprof

OP

12

Thanks for all the advice! Please keep it coming...

Cheers lil_one, I like the 'So, are you interested in anyone...?' line - I'll try it next time he's on. I'm too chicken/don't want to hurt the guy by saying right out that I don't like him, I'd rather let him save face a bit. I know what he was like right after I dumped him (dragging my friends into it, trying to change my mind, for ages). I suppose if he doesn't get the hint, I'll have to.

Reply 6

Harv616

9

Just tell him

saying "maybe" does not mean no to a guy, tell him the truth and he will leave you alone

Reply 7

scruffs

1

Tell him outright. If not you're leading him into false hope. If he keeps pursuing you might possibly like to add a few well placed comments on unsavoury personal hygiene and diminutive genital size. it doesn't matter if it's true or not....

Reply 8

sssh

10

tctc

block him for a bit.. works wonders

I agree with this... And I know what you mean about not wanting to upset him and tactfully letting him down with the "maybe"s, but on msn you can't show tone of voice/facial expression/body language so it is a little more difficult to get someone to understand (especially if they don't want to) that you don't like them. It's the internet, you can be as cruel as you like and you don't have to see the consequences, so it should be much easier to make him see than if you were doing it in person!

Really, what an annoying creep. "<my name>, Just Knowing Your My Friend Make Me The Happyist Guy In The World!!!" - how old is he supposed to be? He writes things like that (with that spelling) and has his own flat...?

Reply 9

Shreerac1

10

TrentEnd

Just tell him! He sounds a bit weird to be honest, so he needs telling sooner rather than later.

By the way, what does BMFL mean?

BMFL = Bum Me For Liquorice

Reply 10

Anthonyjm71

9

Yeah you need to be honest and tell him.So you both know where you stand.

Reply 11

dh00001

16

introduce him to one of your single friends and hope his attention shifts to someone who might reciprocate (sp?)

Reply 12

x-Elaine-x

Im a master at this. What you should do is...say 'GO AWAY YOU PLUM! THANKS!'

End of and problem solved :biggrin:

Reply 13

Sticky

Madprof

A guy who I went out with very briefly four years ago and is still on my MSN periodically talks to me, and I think he still fancies me - I don't feel the same way, which is why I ended things ages ago. He keeps inviting me to come and see him (he lives a few hours' drive away) in his flat, and doesn't get the hint when I say "Yeah, maybe" and then change the subject or "Well, I am very busy over the summer". He always asks about my boyfriend in the same sentence as 'Hi, how are you?' - grrr!

He's put me in his MSN name "..... :suith:

<my name>, BMFL :suith:

..." even though I haven't seen him for years and don't often talk to him. Also, he changed his name to "<my name>, Just Knowing Your My Friend Make Me The Happyist Guy In The World!!!" whilst we were talking last night. I would barely consider him a friend! Cheesy (and he can't even spell...another thing about him that really winds me up, even though I'm not at all bothered about people's spelling), and he keeps going on about feeling lonely... he's not being very subtle. I could come up with a long list of things he does that wind me up, but that'd be rude. Suffice to say, I could never go out with the guy.

I guess I'm afraid of being too harsh, but how do I say politely that I'm not interested and that he should grow up and get over a girl he went out with once four years ago?

Actually I think you have your fair share of growing up to do. I'm not sure if you realise how you go from "all nice and friendly" from the start of your post to pretty cold-hearted bitch towards the end. It might be time for you to actually tell people what you think. I'm sure this guy is a bit lonely and takes your conversations more seriously than you do. But think about it: you like someone and you talk to them regularly for 4 years? What do you expect? If you were in that situation, I'm sure that you'd be quite hooked on that person.

You've totally led on this guy. What's with all the "yeah maybe"?. Why say that? "Yeah maybe" is NOT a hint, it's closer to saying yes than no.

You're afraid of being too harsh yet you say all these awful things about this guy? Time for you to grow up and tell him that you've been leading him on, that you're sorry and that you're not interested.

With your behaviour, you're not being nice to him, you're just making it easier for yourself while you let this guy hope... If you weren't so selfish, you'd have told him a long time ago that you don't want to hurt him, that you're not interested. There's no such thing as letting someone down easily. And what you've done is actually the complete opposite: it's called messing them around. What's so hard about the truth? "Sorry I just wouldn't go for a guy like you". It's reality. Not all girls will go for him and he has to accept that. Instead of you maybe having to cope with a bit of a bad reaction from him for a few hours or days, you've led him on for several years?

Reply 14

Sticky

sssh

I agree with this... And I know what you mean about not wanting to upset him and tactfully letting him down with the "maybe"s, but on msn you can't show tone of voice/facial expression/body language so it is a little more difficult to get someone to understand (especially if they don't want to) that you don't like them. It's the internet, you can be as cruel as you like and you don't have to see the consequences, so it should be much easier to make him see than if you were doing it in person!

Yeah because that's so much smarter than actually getting a bit of courage and acting like an adult and telling them "sorry I get the impression you still think there's a chance, but there isn't. You're not my type of guy".
How old are you? 12? :rolleyes:

sssh

Really, what an annoying creep. "<my name>, Just Knowing Your My Friend Make Me The Happyist Guy In The World!!!" - how old is he supposed to be? He writes things like that (with that spelling) and has his own flat...?

Because as soon as someone doesn't know how to spell, their feelings don't matter. As soon as someone is lonely, then who cares how they feel? Hey, why don't we say that the feelings of anyone mentally-challenged don't matter or that if you're working class, then your feelings don't matter or if your skin is of a certain colour...

The fact is this is a lonely guy. No matter how weird, stupid or ugly he is, he has feelings and I think some of you have to maybe grow a heart.

I had someone contact me for months and the person was incredibly strange but I could tell that he was incredibly unhappy. So I tried to listen to him, then to tell him that the way he was behaving wasn't right... sure I'm sure I said some things that hurt him a little but at least he knew where he stood.

Reply 15

What!

Sticky - you deserve some pos rep. People need to grow some stones (and a heart, as you said)

Reply 16

contractador

1

pretend theres someone you fancy. ask them for advice and say how much u want to meet up with that person. (hope that won't hurt them too much tho)...

Reply 17

Sharp_Shooter

1

How about...'I'm not interested'?

Reply 18

Sticky

What!

Sticky - you deserve some pos rep. People need to grow some stones (and a heart, as you said)

Thanks. I'm a bit disappointed at how many people care so little about other people's feelings.

contractador, I would say that that could work. You're telling them that there's someone else and at the same time, implicitly saying that you're not interested. But really, I'm not quite sure why it would be a lot easier than just saying you're not interested and that there's someone else in the picture (if that is the case). I think she mentioned a boyfriend anyway. Maybe this guy is seriously deluded but he still has feelings and it's best to let him down nice and cleanly. Be clear and explicit. The trouble is, she's let this guy hope for so long, it's going to hurt a lot more than if she'd been up front in the first place.

Why do people assume it's so hard to say they're not interested? Sure you need to know how to stand up for yourself and know how to have a proper conversation with someone but on msn, come on, it doesn't take much courage. It's a LOT less harsh to do that than to do what the OP did: just be all agreeing with the guy so she doesn't have to deal with anything even if that means leading him on, yet say all these awful things behind his back. What kind of person would you rather be?

How do I tell him I'm not interested?

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