is this normal for a guy?

alright ill just get right to it.
When i get into an argument,( like really intense personal-opinionated discussion), i dont know what happens to me, i just start getting the need to f*** cry.. and so my eyes gets watery and my voice starts changing and all.

This so far happens like 3 times already in the past 4 years ( yeah i kept track cause it was so damn embarrassing man)

So it happened yesterday, i was in a reallly really bad argument, and when it was my turn, i started talking and wtf after 10seconds i started getting all emo and ****, and i dont know why, so i just left.. everyone was so shocked when it happen, i just left.

Im just wondering, i know this kind of stuff is normal for most girls, but what about guys? anyone here been through this before?
and is there any way around this? how do i work on this so it wont happened again?
i think i need to like get control of my emotions and build some emotional stamina or something, and i dont even know how.

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anyone?

I used to do this A LOT and my family would find it amusing despite me crying because of my anger/pissed off emotions. If pushed enough I can start crying over arguments despite having a better control now, but it took a long while to get there (I think I've become desensitised to a lot of **** and situations, and just don't care any more which isn't necessarily good). My brother did this too and I know he still does it so don't feel like you're the only one :smile:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 3

L.O.V.E

My boyfriend is like this, he cries much more easily than me. It's normal :smile:

Reply 4

So Instinct

I used to when I was younger, but I grew out of it after around 16.

Reply 5

SophieSmall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keMF8YzQoRM

It's normal for any human being to express their emotions. This video might explain it some for you.

Reply 6

whatisthis47

I think it's completely normal for some guys but I don't know many who would openly admit to it. It's happened to a couple of my friends but they don't like talking about it. My cousin also has a tendency to do it, especially when he argues with his brother. He's told me about it a couple of times but the first time I actually saw it was when he and his sister argued about the brother.

This isn't really common for girls. I've only ever seen a handful of girls in this position - it happens to me when I'm so angry that I feel like my head will explode, and that usually happens when I'm in a heated discussion with my sisters and they say something which triggers a memory from my past.

It's completely normal. Don't overthink it. 3 times in 4 years is nothing - it's probably happened to me 3 times this month and I'm very emotionless compared to most girls and guys I know. :redface:

Reply 7

wishful

Original post by Green Velvet

how did you do it though? for me though, if its a family argument/discussion, id always get emo, i tried damn hard to get myself together and try to get in control but hell even before i open my mouth and try to speak, i can feel my emotions just trying to pour out, its too much.. its too much.

Let just say, if it happens again, and your know that your in this situation and its about to happen, what do you do to immediately prevent it? i tried taking deep breaths and pausing but i feel like it helped, but as soon as i start talking, i just start to break down again.

Reply 8

wishful

Original post by L.O.V.E

My boyfriend is like this, he cries much more easily than me. It's normal :smile:

yeah but does he do it in the middle of an argument?

Reply 9

Robbie242

I don't think its normal for a guy. It doesn't happen to me but I'm only one person

Reply 10

wishful

Original post by Vixen47

Yeah trust me, it was really hard for me to even make a thread about it. But last night was just too much for me to deal with, i just had to do something.
and its crazy cause actually i was in argument with my brothers and sisters when it happened. I was actually in the middle of defending myself, and next thing i know, emotions started to pour out, i just had to leave.
Now everyone in the family think im like this sensitive guy, which im really not.
Those 3times that happened over the last 4 years, i know you think its nothing, but actually all 3 times was triggered by the same damn thing, an argument in the family.
You said you get emotional cause you start thinking of the past right, but in my case, hell it was nothing to do with the pass, i wasn't thinking about anything, and it just happened... and i had a pretty solid point that i was gonna express it out, but damn i couldn't even speak a full sentence before my emotions start pouring out.
anyways Just glad to know im not the only one..

Reply 11

wishful

Original post by Robbie242

I don't think its normal for a guy. It doesn't happen to me but I'm only one person

Yeah i dont think its normal too, hence this thread... anyways yea thanks for the input man
I guess i just need to find a way to prevent this for happening again.

Reply 12

2ndClass

No, only girly boys do this

Reply 13

Green Velvet

Original post by wishful

I really can't say how I did this apart from over time I desensitised. I've become a hugely logical thinker (it's always how to get from step A to B efficiently) and to be honest, the only main negative emotion now is pissed off-ness around 80-90% of the time. The crying thing lies deep down and I really don't know how but I keep myself detached from most things. Like I only allow myself to get pissed if there's going to be a negative emotion. I mentally say **** it. Not to make out I'm a robot lol, but despite having a large group of friends I only have intense feelings and deeply care about certain few people. Literally like less than 5 people to who I actually do get upset and cry to even today, everyone I care for but not enough to get overly emotional anymore. Believe me I was the kid that cried if I was accused of littering in school (not out of fear but just anger at being wrongly accused).

When something happens, maybe think "this happened, this is how I feel, this is how I'm going to fix it/talk through it and this will be the outcome and I just have to respect it". Keep it logical. Some of the reason behind me crying was the inability to accept other peoples unreasonable behaviour and thoughts, now I just make my point, disagree if necessary and accept their opinion even if it's bull****e. Don't get me wrong, I don't hide or take people's ****- I state how and why I disagree and stop caring/literally move on. That's really hard but as I said over time with all the crap we deal in life, I've accepted that there will be people who wrongly dislike or antagonise me. I think the acceptance and moving on when other people **** up helped big time. Humans are flawed.

Sorry if I didn't help, but have you tried stopping when you feel like you're going to break down and talking a walk to mull things over before returning to it? Or writing the pro's and con's of the argument down in third person so from an outsiders perspective, might help in detachment of the situation and keeping your emotions in check?

However detachment is relatively easy for me now in general because to an extent, I don't care of most people's opinions of me. I used to get upset when arguing with my dad but now I think the reason I don't is 'cause I don't care enough for what he has to say, however I am older now so things like curfew/what I wear etc. can't be governed by him anymore. Plus if he upsets me I expect it because those negative traits, truthfully alongside some of his amazing ones, make him him- that is just who he is and I can't really change it. However to be truthful, the rules go out of the window when me and my mum have a really serious argument. I kinda lose it because I actually care, and walking away and coming back helps me a lot because I logically and mentally note down my points in that cool off period.

Plus walks ftw :biggrin:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 14

Green Velvet

Original post by 2ndClass

No, only girly boys do this

Clearly you've never heard of the "real men cry" phrase. Anyway, why is crying associated with "girly" traits, we've all done it and will continue do it? :confused:

Reply 15

Silver Arrows

Original post by Green Velvet

Clearly you've never heard of the "real men cry" phrase. Anyway, why is crying associated with "girly" traits, we've all done it and will continue do it? :confused:

So I'm not a real man because I don't cry? Do I have to wear pink, vry & express my emotion to be a real man now?

Reply 16

Green Velvet

Original post by Silver Arrows

So I'm not a real man because I don't cry? Do I have to wear pink, vry & express my emotion to be a real man now?

That was me being sarcastic, jheez. But you didn't answer my question, why is crying considered "girly"?

Reply 17

KongShou

Yes. But only if im majorly pissed off.

Reply 18

interstitial

Very, very, rarely. If someone's really pissed me off, but even still I'll probably storm out first so no one sees.

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Reply 19

Silver Arrows

Original post by Green Velvet

That was me being sarcastic, jheez. But you didn't answer my question, why is crying considered "girly"?

Sorry, but sarcasm is quite hard to catch on the internet, particularly with how you phrased it.

Crying is considered girly. If a man cries, it shows weakness. It's probably to do with some instinct thing we have hard-wired into our brains.