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Bad social skills
This might sound really sad but these last few years, its like I've regressed in my social skills.
Now I'm always overanalysing what I do. I'm worried people are going to be critical of me and I want everything I say and do to come out just right.
Don't get me wrong, I have mates, but I'm not being a very good mate. When I'm around them, I try to join in but I don't know what to say. Part of me thinks they shouldn't like me.
Basically I have low confidence. I overanalyse how I act and how I look. Has anyone come out of a similar situation?
Now I'm always overanalysing what I do. I'm worried people are going to be critical of me and I want everything I say and do to come out just right.
Don't get me wrong, I have mates, but I'm not being a very good mate. When I'm around them, I try to join in but I don't know what to say. Part of me thinks they shouldn't like me.
Basically I have low confidence. I overanalyse how I act and how I look. Has anyone come out of a similar situation?
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Anonymous
This might sound really sad but these last few years, its like I've regressed in my social skills.
Now I'm always overanalysing what I do. I'm worried people are going to be critical of me and I want everything I say and do to come out just right.
Don't get me wrong, I have mates, but I'm not being a very good mate. When I'm around them, I try to join in but I don't know what to say. Part of me thinks they shouldn't like me.
Basically I have low confidence. I overanalyse how I act and how I look. Has anyone come out of a similar situation?
Now I'm always overanalysing what I do. I'm worried people are going to be critical of me and I want everything I say and do to come out just right.
Don't get me wrong, I have mates, but I'm not being a very good mate. When I'm around them, I try to join in but I don't know what to say. Part of me thinks they shouldn't like me.
Basically I have low confidence. I overanalyse how I act and how I look. Has anyone come out of a similar situation?
oh God boy do I know where you're coming from. I used to be bubbly and friendly but since I moved to England for 6th form I became shy, quiet and basically gave up on even TRYING to speak to people, now I am just not bothered with anyone and only make time for my close friends.
Wish I could offer you help but as I am in the same position, am still wondering what the solution is myself. But hey, if you have your few close-to-heart friends, they are the ones that only ever matter. They're the ones who'll stick around and keep in touch when you're all grown up.
Reply 5
Aww Purple-Sparkle I never knew it was that bad...
Anyway, in some areas I have low confidence. I'm usualy confident around girls and people I know.
I feel...a kind of social outcast though. This is because my family is quite frankly (ooh it rhymes) fucced up. I was bullied quite a lot by mainly just one or two little dweebs in school. eg one (the worst offender) would say 'where's your dad W...? Is he the invisible man? Oh look he's rapin me' (cue pretend rape scene' etc etc. I think I eventually said my dad was dead...which at that time I thought he was. Now though he's apparently alive and not who I thought he was.
Apparently that 'trauma' is called "narrative wreckage"? I heard that once but can't find any info on it? When your history isn't what you thought it was...it gets shattered or something...
One thing is that because I don't feel close to any of my family...I don't like to go to funerals and generally don't go. eg my uncle's mother's funeral was two months ago, I didn't go because I didn't think I had the right to since we weren't blood related...and I only saw her every once in awhile. So then I feel bad that I didn't go to the funeral...etc etc.
Of course I'm usually confident, people don't know what's happened or how I'm feeling and get the wrong impression. I think one problem is I've always wanted to be a better man than my father, but since I don't know who he is or anything (at least I'm not 100% sure) I'm sort of in limbo???
The parentage issue is very iffy...when I was 16 someone (not my mother) told me who my father was...but prior to that local knowledge was it was someone else...a dead man. I'm named after him both with my first and last name...or at least was until I changed my name by deed poll to the family name.
It's all very messy. I'm not constantly thinking about this...but I don't know what else could be knocking my confidence...its as if I don't feel like a whole, real person...meh.
I have no advice really...just force yourself to do things. Just wanted to let off a cathartic fart.
Anyway, in some areas I have low confidence. I'm usualy confident around girls and people I know.
I feel...a kind of social outcast though. This is because my family is quite frankly (ooh it rhymes) fucced up. I was bullied quite a lot by mainly just one or two little dweebs in school. eg one (the worst offender) would say 'where's your dad W...? Is he the invisible man? Oh look he's rapin me' (cue pretend rape scene' etc etc. I think I eventually said my dad was dead...which at that time I thought he was. Now though he's apparently alive and not who I thought he was.
Apparently that 'trauma' is called "narrative wreckage"? I heard that once but can't find any info on it? When your history isn't what you thought it was...it gets shattered or something...
One thing is that because I don't feel close to any of my family...I don't like to go to funerals and generally don't go. eg my uncle's mother's funeral was two months ago, I didn't go because I didn't think I had the right to since we weren't blood related...and I only saw her every once in awhile. So then I feel bad that I didn't go to the funeral...etc etc.
Of course I'm usually confident, people don't know what's happened or how I'm feeling and get the wrong impression. I think one problem is I've always wanted to be a better man than my father, but since I don't know who he is or anything (at least I'm not 100% sure) I'm sort of in limbo???
The parentage issue is very iffy...when I was 16 someone (not my mother) told me who my father was...but prior to that local knowledge was it was someone else...a dead man. I'm named after him both with my first and last name...or at least was until I changed my name by deed poll to the family name.
It's all very messy. I'm not constantly thinking about this...but I don't know what else could be knocking my confidence...its as if I don't feel like a whole, real person...meh.
I have no advice really...just force yourself to do things. Just wanted to let off a cathartic fart.
I'm the same. I feel like I'm a prisoner sometimes, and I just can't escape. I HATE it, but I don't know how to get out. I tried counselling but because I'm so bad about talking about myself it was pointless, plus being made to dredge stuff up makes it worse cos you start overanalysing even more.
Anonymous
This might sound really sad but these last few years, its like I've regressed in my social skills.
Now I'm always overanalysing what I do. I'm worried people are going to be critical of me and I want everything I say and do to come out just right.
Don't get me wrong, I have mates, but I'm not being a very good mate. When I'm around them, I try to join in but I don't know what to say. Part of me thinks they shouldn't like me.
Basically I have low confidence. I overanalyse how I act and how I look. Has anyone come out of a similar situation?
Now I'm always overanalysing what I do. I'm worried people are going to be critical of me and I want everything I say and do to come out just right.
Don't get me wrong, I have mates, but I'm not being a very good mate. When I'm around them, I try to join in but I don't know what to say. Part of me thinks they shouldn't like me.
Basically I have low confidence. I overanalyse how I act and how I look. Has anyone come out of a similar situation?
I feel exactly the same at times... the worst period of this i ever went through was around the end of september/october time, strange thing was it started after this huge bender me and a few of my mates went on - no drugs just drinking like winos, we literally drank the house dry - there wasn't even any O.J left, just the water out the taps. It was a hard time for me anyway and i just wanted to forget...
it took me about four days to sober up (i was walking like a zombie round school) but afterwards i just felt paranoid as hell, i kept bumping into things and couldn't hold a conversation or eye contact i didn't properly know - i felt terrible...
I'm quite a social person and to feel this way made me feel lower than low. It was a self evaluation thing that got me out of the rut, I made myself think of all the positives in my life and tried to expel the negatives - it meant me being extremely arrogant in private but it worked... You have to be a strong person to get yourself through it on your own, you may need help but i'm sure your friends will be there for you! Just talk to them or write down your feelings or something to get the thoughts out of your head and into a physical state - it'll be quite cathartic...
Hope this helps
Reply 9
Purple-Sparkle
When at school, I used to be extremely shy. I suffered from low self esteem and was very quiet. I did have friends and I did try and join in with things but I felt socially inadequate and felt I was not good enough to be hanging around with them.
I was bullied from age 11 to 15 so I think it all stemmed from that. They bullied me because I was intelligent, did well at school (I was teachers pet) and because I was quiet. I had it hard, kids would slash my bag with pen knifes and would spit on me. Once I came out of P.E and they'd thrown half my uniform in the bin, spat on it and put the rest under the shower. I also suffered loads of verbal abuse. I won an award at school and loads booed instead of clapping. I ended up suffering from depression.
However, once I got my part time job and went to University, my self esteem increased. Now I am happy with the way things are and have no problems talking to people. I have loads of different friends at work and uni now
. Eventually your self esteem will increase.
I was bullied from age 11 to 15 so I think it all stemmed from that. They bullied me because I was intelligent, did well at school (I was teachers pet) and because I was quiet. I had it hard, kids would slash my bag with pen knifes and would spit on me. Once I came out of P.E and they'd thrown half my uniform in the bin, spat on it and put the rest under the shower. I also suffered loads of verbal abuse. I won an award at school and loads booed instead of clapping. I ended up suffering from depression.
However, once I got my part time job and went to University, my self esteem increased. Now I am happy with the way things are and have no problems talking to people. I have loads of different friends at work and uni now
. Eventually your self esteem will increase.I have been through much the same as you.Yeah its not easy , but as you say it does get better, when you are around nice people that care how you feel.
Reply 11
I only have colleagues and acquaintances
Reply 12
(WH! my fellow libertine 
)
thats the best piece of advice so far. I think most people who are self-confident are arrogant to some degree. I know i often think to myself 'i am such a better person than him' or 'i know im going to be so much more successful than you', even 'im more attractive and have better clothes than you'
sometimes.
You dont have to tell anyone and you dont have to use it as a way of judging people (obviously theres more important things than being intelligent or having nice clothes etc and thats not how you'd choose youre friends anyway...i hope.) Anon, sit down and think of three reasons why youre better than the people youre afraid of talking to and opening up to. I dunno what they might be. Are you a nicer more understanding person? are you more intelligent? are you taller ()?
Post them here if you wanna, that'd be good
Dont think about it all the time and dont say it out loud (unless youre on your own) but realising your strengths and qualities could be a way of improving your self confidence.
(Self confidence and social skills are two different things btw. Social skills are understanding how people feel and how they will react to things that people say. OP you dont sound inconsiderate or stupid so your social skills are probably quite good. You just need to work on your self-esteem. I know loads of people who've done it. You could become happy and self-confident in a few months if you tried im sure Best of luck)
)WorkHouse
I made myself think of all the positives in my life and tried to expel the negatives - it meant me being extremely arrogant in private but it worked...
thats the best piece of advice so far. I think most people who are self-confident are arrogant to some degree. I know i often think to myself 'i am such a better person than him' or 'i know im going to be so much more successful than you', even 'im more attractive and have better clothes than you'
sometimes.You dont have to tell anyone and you dont have to use it as a way of judging people (obviously theres more important things than being intelligent or having nice clothes etc and thats not how you'd choose youre friends anyway...i hope.) Anon, sit down and think of three reasons why youre better than the people youre afraid of talking to and opening up to. I dunno what they might be. Are you a nicer more understanding person? are you more intelligent? are you taller (
)?Post them here if you wanna, that'd be good
Dont think about it all the time and dont say it out loud (unless youre on your own) but realising your strengths and qualities could be a way of improving your self confidence.
(Self confidence and social skills are two different things btw. Social skills are understanding how people feel and how they will react to things that people say. OP you dont sound inconsiderate or stupid so your social skills are probably quite good. You just need to work on your self-esteem. I know loads of people who've done it. You could become happy and self-confident in a few months if you tried im sure
Best of luck)
Reply 14
I'm feeling pretty much the same right now. I don't know what's going on 
Reply 15
rpotter
I dont see what masturbation has to do with this issue.
Reply 16
Social Anxiety Disorder?
Reply 17
I am just the same as well. I have a few good mates but I even over analyse what to say when I am with them sometimes. With people who don't already know me it is so much worse. I hardly seem to say anything and they assume I don't like them or am bored or think I am better than them or something. I find alcohol helps. Lots. 
Reply 18
I feel exactly the same self-confidence wise. When I'm out with friends I can be loud and outgoing when I want to be and tend to get a lot of attention and laughs. But in day to day situations sometimes my mind seems to go so blank... I can never think of polite small talk to make to fill the awkward gaps and so occasionally I just come across as a very quiet and boring person.
I have a very critical mother who's always putting me down, but I don't want to put too much blame on her. She always used to go on about how I was getting fat a few years ago and now it's just 'you look stupid wearing that' or 'Why don't you like sewing? Your friend does, why can't you be more like her?'. And whenever I'm in a social situation where she's there she always makes me go quiet and she'll just go on about my bad points to everyone else. Then she shouts at me for having low self-esteem.
So I always put myself down if I say or so the wrong thing when I'm with my friends or making new friends. If the new friend is particularly quiet themselves I'll find myself being more outgoing and chatty. But if they're quite dominant (I suppose like my mother) I just regress into the quiet boring me.
I've been like this for a year or so now... My parents keep going on about how maybe I shouldn't go to uni in September with such 'problems'. But I'm thinking maybe if I get away from my mum it'll be better...
Geez. I'm rambling. Sorry guys, but it does feel better putting (or attempting to put) it into words. :P
I have a very critical mother who's always putting me down, but I don't want to put too much blame on her. She always used to go on about how I was getting fat a few years ago and now it's just 'you look stupid wearing that' or 'Why don't you like sewing? Your friend does, why can't you be more like her?'. And whenever I'm in a social situation where she's there she always makes me go quiet and she'll just go on about my bad points to everyone else. Then she shouts at me for having low self-esteem.
So I always put myself down if I say or so the wrong thing when I'm with my friends or making new friends. If the new friend is particularly quiet themselves I'll find myself being more outgoing and chatty. But if they're quite dominant (I suppose like my mother) I just regress into the quiet boring me.
I've been like this for a year or so now... My parents keep going on about how maybe I shouldn't go to uni in September with such 'problems'. But I'm thinking maybe if I get away from my mum it'll be better...
Geez. I'm rambling. Sorry guys, but it does feel better putting (or attempting to put) it into words. :P
Reply 19
I can sympathise too.
I used to be seen as a bit of a geek (wearing glases=geek
) something which would alienate me from many social situations. At first I thought 'this is how it's meant to be' and socially retreated, losing all but a sliver of self confidence.
Recently I gave myself a good kick up the arse, changed my image, and made more of my artistic and sporting side. I feel far better, though still have a long way to go. The shadow of my former self still hangs over me.
So, I'd analyse what the root of your lack of social confidence... find everything you hate about yourself (this can be painful!) and remove or change them until you can only find thigs to like yourself for.
Good luck
I used to be seen as a bit of a geek (wearing glases=geek
) something which would alienate me from many social situations. At first I thought 'this is how it's meant to be' and socially retreated, losing all but a sliver of self confidence.Recently I gave myself a good kick up the arse, changed my image, and made more of my artistic and sporting side. I feel far better, though still have a long way to go. The shadow of my former self still hangs over me.
So, I'd analyse what the root of your lack of social confidence... find everything you hate about yourself (this can be painful!) and remove or change them until you can only find thigs to like yourself for.
Good luck
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