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S.H. again...

Before I start, I am in no way endorsing self harm. If you don't. Don't even bother considering it. It's not fun..

Anyway I've been self harming (hitting, biting, scratching, and in the later years slight cutting-without scarring) for at least 5-6 years. Things like not being able to do something right would result in me slapping myself.. nice. My parents don't know. I lied to a psyciatrist about it, my psycologist didn't care (he was insane..), and twice i have told councillers about it, who a few weeks later leave. No longer in the system, though tempted to get back into it

I have "given up" umpteen times. When I was like 15 I had a boyfriend who self harmed. He made me promise to give up if he did too. Suprise suprise he started, so I started again. Since then I've never promised to give up for anyone.. (note that was a good few years ago now)

But yeah, with the occasional slip-up I've stopped for a year or so. Except really I was still doing it & was simply living in denial. Whenever I was stressed I'd pinch myself or chew my gums. Then the other week I cut myself quite deeply. I'd just got to such a ridiculous low. Everyone believed me when i said I'd caught myself. Except the boyf, who turned around and just asked me straight out. Found out yesterday he was really hurt by the fact I did it, even though i promised him i'd stop. That was like a fortnight ago. I haven't scratched or bitten and i quite want to make a go at it this time. I know it hurts people, don't understand why (don't backlash at me, but i'd rather take it out on myself than on other people), but i guess that's a good enough reason if any to stop.

But now i'm having awful cravings and flashbacks. I actually feel ridiculously sick. I know that self harming can be linked to OCD in the sense of routine and reactions.. Can anyone give me some good advice about distractions, or ways to make it disappear? I can't do ice, or penmarks (i just dig them in) because it will just be like before. And does anyone have any good tips on stopping scarring...?

Please don't take this as an emo post. I'm really not in the mood. I just need the cravings to stop and what better way than to try and vent?

Reply 1

amywalters

I've never self harmed so i cant understand. But why not try and distract yourself creatively? I'm a very compulsive person, and im very creative too, so i make sure im occupied with things to do like being on TSR, and talking to people about my own experiences.

Why not get a job? Talk to your friends and make sure you get every kind of anxiety about yourself out. You need to understand why you do it. If its for controlling purposes then channel that control into other things.

Reply 2

lorna18

i can relate, when ever i get upset and in a right state i usualy bite my arms or hit myself, ive never cut myself as i cant stand the thought of that but once i bit so hard my arm bruised. i havent done it in a while as ive been fairly ok and ive realised its a bad thing to do, luckily im not addicted to it.
things i do to keep myself busy are go on forums, paint, draw, make things etc being creative is a way of expressing your feelings and it helps to relieve stress and upset as you feel pleased with what you have acheived :smile:

Reply 3

xx Lotz xx

i have personally never self harmed, but i had a close friend who frequently did, (who has now stopped) and when i was going through a really rough time a few years back he helped me channel my anger. everyone is different, so you need to find your own release, but there were two things which i found helped me loads

i'd go for a run, doesnt matter were jus run, this gives you chance to clear your head, but also (altho at the time you dont usually care about this) it improves your body fitness aswell, which naturally will make you feel better about yourself.

the second thing i used to do, and believe me this was the thing that helped me most, was keeping a diary. whenever something really annoyed me or upset me i jus used to write exactly how i felt in this book/diary, this is a suprisingly good way of releasing your feeling, especially if you do not want people to know them. some nights id write half a page others id write 20 pages and some nights i just used to scribble really hard to let my frustration out, but either way i always felt better afterwards. I have kept my diary and reading back through it i know that was what kept me on the rails.

that might not help you in any way, just a suggestion frommy own experiences.

i sincerly hope you sort everything out x x

Reply 4

Gem

I think the way OCD is linked to self harm is the behavioural aspect. For example, when people with OCD feel anxious, they feel the need to carry out a specific behaviour, such as counting or touching, and if they don't get to do this, they feel even worse until they are able to carry out the behaviour. For self harm, it may be that you feel anxious about something and over the years, you've learnt that self harming is a behaviour which reduces this feeling of anxiety, so you've maybe felt no need to stop what you're doing, even if people beg you to. The only way you're going to stop is if YOU want to. The way to stop the behaviour is to find another way to cope with the anxious feelings, then when you've found it you'll find that you feel the need to self harm less. You've stopped before, but then when a stressful event occurs, they first thing you turn to is self harming, as that's the only coping mechanism you know, and you've known it for so long - it's like an old friend that you can always return to when things are bad.

Although me saying 'just change your coping method and it'll be ok' sounds to easy, I realise it's one of the hardest tihngs in the world, and you probably can't do it alone - you need support.

You've tried psychologists and psychiatrists, but they seem to let you down by leaving, which will probably makes you feel worse and maybe self harm, as a way of punishing yourself for 'making' them go away - it's not your fault they've left. I'm a believer in counselling or other forms of psychotherapy - if you can find someone you trust and get on with, it's a great way to over come this. However if you've had bad experiences and had counsellors that you don't 'click' with, it'll seem pointless. Maybe talking to a female counsellor? If you go to your GP they can refer you, or if you are at Uni they might be able to refer you through their counselling services? Also, I think you should try and be more open with your boyfriend, although this is probably the scariest thing to do, but the reason he was so upset if that he loves you and would hate to think that you're coping with things all by yourself, when he could be there for you.

Also, you said you were on a real low that time you cut yourself quite deeply? I'm assuming you've been diagnosed with depression, as quite often it goes hand in hand with self harming. If you haven't it might be worth seeing your GP about this too, and maybe get some medication just to tide you over until you can get to a counsellor or similar. I think medication is great for short term use, just to get you through the hardest times, but in the long run I think you need to deal with some issues you have.

Anyhow, I'll shut up now, I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert on this - I'm not at all, but I have a few friends who have gone through this and it's not beaten them - they've got through it. The good thing is though, that you realise you have a problem, you're no longer in denial and you want to beat this thing. It's too hard to deal with on your own so let yourself rely on friends, your boyfriend, family, counsellors and get through the dark times and come out fighting - you can do it :smile:

Reply 5

sssh

I agree with Lotz, you could try and get into some crazy exercise habit. I've only started doing this this year but when I get frustrated or angry I often go on a really really fast & energetic bike ride, up some of the hills and tracks near where I live. Just push yourself until you're absolutely exhausted. Well, not so much that you pass out, but pretty close and it's euphoric.

If I was to go into too much detail on this post I'd have to put it anonymous, so I'll leave it as it is, but I've never harmed myself seriously so I can't claim to have perfect understanding of your situation. At least you have your boyfriend, he sounds supportive. See if you can turn to him more, or try and keep a diary (if he doesn't understand so well you could always show him something you'd written). Writing, drawing and playing piano are really cathartic for me; I go crazy and twitchy if I go too long without any one of them.

I know it's really easy to say all this; you probably already knew all this good advice. Erm... but good luck, remember there are always people who will want to help you - even if "the system" doesn't help you your friends and boyfriend will surely want to be there for you. Good luck.

Oh, with the scars thing - I don't know how to stop fresh woulds from scarring (although I guess a balanced diet would help - I suspect I scar easily because I'm vegetarian and don't have much protein, but someone will probably prove me completely wrong) though there are all sorts of gel creams you can buy that apparently fade older ones. You could ask at a chemists, or take your pick from the Boots shelves.

x x

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

thanks guys. i've been so up and down this week. i tried to talk to the boyf about it but he said he'd rather not. bit much for someone who asks me to stop? i haven't though. however i've had the odd cigarette to destress.. hmmm

yeah i've got a job. i love being there cause it distracts me from everything.

all my councillers were female. i have a meeting with my uni's student support in a few weeks though. things are maybe looking up?

Reply 7

Paragon

Anonymous

Oh, you will be fine! :smile:

Just give it some time, that's it. One day you will wake up and look at the scars and start smiling as you realize how silly SI was.

Most people focus too much on the scars/etc, without realizing that scars are just a symptom, not the main problem.

Good luck! :wink:

Reply 8

Russell_G

it's all about venting - take up a sport. boxing, darts, anything competitive that has an element of hitting is a great way to release tension. or get one of those squeezy things.

Reply 9

jennyflake

Good on you. The other thing I'd say is give yourself little steps. Such as you're off to speak to someone from the uni in a few weeks, make it your aim to not self harm before then, and to have a think about what you actually want to tell them. Make a promise to yourself that you'll be completely honest with them. Then break that down further. Todays aim, to not self harm today, tomorrow, extend it another day. If one day you do self-harm, deal with it, clean it up, look after it (will reduce scarring) and then move on...start the day mentally again, and try not to self harm for the day again. When youve managed a week, (note the word when...I know you can do this!) move on to trying for two to three days, then later on a week. Also try and build some you-time into your schedule. Time to go for some exercise, get out of the house, and generally make yourself feel good.
Many people will be able to understand what you've been through, myself included. I used to self harm, I class myself as an ex-self harmer and tell people I havent self harmed for three years. In truth I have self-harmed twice since, one mildly, one while drunk, and in my head both mean nothing. Its like they say about diets, dont throw it out of the window if you make one little mistake.
And about scars, you're best off trying to learn to love them. I've bought everything and anything, including some dodgy palmers scar serum, vitamin e cream, those boots own gel pads, and cocoa butter. All useless, the only thing thats helped is time, a) for them to fade, and b) for me to learn to get on with them.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

It is good thant you have seen that SH isnt the way, that is a good step. The cravings won't stop easily, you have to remain strong, i know i have helped a friend and been there myself. I guess given enough time and strength you will be able to stop.
However to help the cravings, these helped me stop my SH considerably, although i still do it when i am down i am much better. One excellent way is whenever you feel down or get the urge to SH, go out. Go somewhere public where you can't Sh without people seeing you, stay amongst people until the feeling has gone, Perhaps call your bf and ask if you can see him, just don;t let yourself be alone. Perhaps take up a sport, something to distract you.
I guess the key to stopping Sh is to distract yourself, keep yourself active, don't let yourself have the urge.
I know it is hard, i have been there :hugs:

SH is not a good thing, however i know you can't help it, however i must say stopping was one of the hardest things i did but most worthwhile. Although i still SH now when i feel really low not as much.
God that turned into a ramble, but the main poisnt was just try and keep yourself busy, and stay safe :hugs: