Is it possible to have a relationship at university?

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Poll: Is it possible to have a long-term, serious relationship at university?
Yes (33)
94.29%
No (2)
5.71%
crazeesurf
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#1
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So I'm asking this as a genuine question to see what people think. I'm in my 4th year of uni and in this time have had 2 boyfriends.

The first one was from where I am from at home, and so looked forward to each holiday in order to see him - which made me hate my life at uni because I missed him so much. This relationship lasted 6 months.

The second one was at uni with me but the year above. He graduate 6 months into our relationship and moved away, and not only did I have another year to go, I also decided to do a masters. We made it last for 2 years before it ended recently after both realising the long distance thing couldn't work for us.

Out of all of my friends, I know one couple who were together before uni, and have made it out the other side still together. With so much uncertainty facing us whilst at uni, particularly with questions about what to do after graduation, and where to live, is it possible to sustain a long-term serious relationship? Especially when they have their own life too?
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DarkWhite
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(Original post by crazeesurf)
So I'm asking this as a genuine question to see what people think. I'm in my 4th year of uni and in this time have had 2 boyfriends.

The first one was from where I am from at home, and so looked forward to each holiday in order to see him - which made me hate my life at uni because I missed him so much. This relationship lasted 6 months.

The second one was at uni with me but the year above. He graduate 6 months into our relationship and moved away, and not only did I have another year to go, I also decided to do a masters. We made it last for 2 years before it ended recently after both realising the long distance thing couldn't work for us.

Out of all of my friends, I know one couple who were together before uni, and have made it out the other side still together. With so much uncertainty facing us whilst at uni, particularly with questions about what to do after graduation, and where to live, is it possible to sustain a long-term serious relationship? Especially when they have their own life too?
It sounds like the distance was the issue, rather than university itself.

It's clearly difficult if you're in a relationship and then move away for something else like university or a job, and that really brings everything else into play.

I know a couple who got together at university, one stayed local for a job, the other went a couple of hundred miles away for a job, they kept it up for 6 months then moved in together somewhere in between the two locations.

I was in a long-distance relationship in my first year which broke down because of something other than the distance. I do think it would've worked out otherwise.

But distance aside, I also had a 3-year relationship at university and that's broken off despite us both still being here. So it's certainly possible..
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Over2you
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It's possible, but not probable. Personally, I was never a fan of relationships at Uni because I think you miss out on so much (this is just my opinion, not the rule). The time you have to commit to a relationship when, I believe, you could be doing something else is not worth the risk, if you assess the probability of the relationship lasting the distance. My philosophy has always been to wait until your 3rd year, and any time after that. There is no rush at all.
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ManifoldManifest
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I know at least two couples who were together before uni and are still together after. (My brother actually just brought a house with his high school girlfriend, a year after graduating. That's pretty crazy, I think.)
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shawn_o1
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#5
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#5
It is possible if you're ready for one
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Katie_p
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#6
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#6
Absolutely.
I actually don't know anyone who broke up because of (or even during) Uni, but I know tonnes of people who are still together, or have got together during their time there. It obviously depends on the individuals, but I think generally those less into drinking and partying will find it easier to survive a relationship at University.
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crazeesurf
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#7
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(Original post by Over2you)
My philosophy has always been to wait until your 3rd year, and any time after that. There is no rush at all.
Do you really think 3rd year is the time to start a relationship? What if neither of you know what you will be doing when you graduate? Would you look for jobs you want to do, in areas far away - or would you base your job search on where they would be, and if so, is that the right thing to do?
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desdemonata
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#8
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Of course it's possible. Just because your relationships haven't worked out doesn't mean it isn't possible. In both of your cases distance was a big issue, and LDRs aren't for everybody.
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Over2you
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(Original post by crazeesurf)
Do you really think 3rd year is the time to start a relationship? What if neither of you know what you will be doing when you graduate? Would you look for jobs you want to do, in areas far away - or would you base your job search on where they would be, and if so, is that the right thing to do?
This is on the assumption that you'll both will be working in the same place i.e so for me it would be London. I used 3rd year because you would have enjoyed uni, travelled etc by then. And why does everything have to be so serious? Go with the flow, if you can make it work long distance that should be a convo you have before getting involved with one another. You're 21/22, you've got the rest of your life to find "the one". Like I said, there really isn;t any rush.
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vickidc18
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#10
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#10
Yup I've been with my partner 3.5 years and we have a 9 month old daughter together. I manage to juggle uni, being a mum and being a fantastic girlfriend all in one go so maintaining a relationship shouldn't be too hard you just gotta meet the right person and work at it!!
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El Salvador
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#11
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#11
Why not?
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Swanbow
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#12
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#12
No, it is impossible. No one has ever achieved it.
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redferry
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#13
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(Original post by Over2you)
It's possible, but not probable. Personally, I was never a fan of relationships at Uni because I think you miss out on so much (this is just my opinion, not the rule). The time you have to commit to a relationship when, I believe, you could be doing something else is not worth the risk, if you assess the probability of the relationship lasting the distance. My philosophy has always been to wait until your 3rd year, and any time after that. There is no rush at all.
Yeah but you aren't guaranteed to find someone in your third year, of you click with someone its stupid to throw that opportunity away in my opinion. I actually think third year is the worst time to get together because you have exams so don't get time to enjoy each others company and then you move apart from each other. What's the point in that? That's even less likely to last.
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Over2you
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(Original post by redferry)
Yeah but you aren't guaranteed to find someone in your third year, of you click with someone its stupid to throw that opportunity away in my opinion. I actually think third year is the worst time to get together because you have exams so don't get time to enjoy each others company and then you move apart from each other. What's the point in that? That's even less likely to last.
If you click with someone, then fair enough. But if you don't find someone, then so be bloody it. You're 21 for crying out loud. Plenty of opportunities to meet people later one. Yh, maybe not as plentiful as University but there will be ops. I just don't get this prevailing idea that if you're not in a relationship upon graduation, you're doomed. It's why so many people end up "settling".

Things like distance etc, like I said, would need to be discussed before you commit. And if two people are committed to one another, issues such as exams shouldn't be a problem. Goes back to the idea that if you're selfish enough, you'll ruin your relationship. Too many people go into a relationship thinking that it's all about them. Everything you do has to be considered with someone else in mind. If you're not prepared for that, stay single.
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Carpe Vinum
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(Original post by Over2you)
It's possible, but not probable. Personally, I was never a fan of relationships at Uni because I think you miss out on so much (this is just my opinion, not the rule). The time you have to commit to a relationship when, I believe, you could be doing something else is not worth the risk, if you assess the probability of the relationship lasting the distance. My philosophy has always been to wait until your 3rd year, and any time after that. There is no rush at all.
Unless you have a controlling partner, I don't really think you miss out on much. Unless you count casual sex as one of the things to be missed out on, and not everyone wants that anyway. You can still go to parties and have fun if you're in a relationship!
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Lotus_Eater
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#16
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It's definitely a great place to have a relationship. Whether those relationships turn out to be 'forever' is a different question. But where do you find forever relationships?

Whilst it's commendable for someone to decide to focus solely on their studies, being closed to meeting someone would be sad. Universities are great places to meet likeminded people and you'll never have so much unstructured time in which to get to know one another.

Leaving with a degree is only part of the experience - living a little is important too.
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redferry
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(Original post by Over2you)
If you click with someone, then fair enough. But if you don't find someone, then so be bloody it. You're 21 for crying out loud. Plenty of opportunities to meet people later one. Yh, maybe not as plentiful as University but there will be ops. I just don't get this prevailing idea that if you're not in a relationship upon graduation, you're doomed. It's why so many people end up "settling".

Things like distance etc, like I said, would need to be discussed before you commit. And if two people are committed to one another, issues such as exams shouldn't be a problem. Goes back to the idea that if you're selfish enough, you'll ruin your relationship. Too many people go into a relationship thinking that it's all about them. Everything you do has to be considered with someone else in mind. If you're not prepared for that, stay single.
Oh no I agree, you don't need to find a relationship at Uni at all, I did but I wouldn't have been that bothered if I didn't! Third year is tough though, you have to make a real commitment very early in the relationship if it is going to work. Is taking time out to support them through exams, moving to be near them/entering a long term relationship after uni etc when you haven't even been dating a year.


To be honest I disagreed entirely. Relationships should be fun, if you're having to consider the other person in everything you do it isn't going to work.
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wasting-time
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Yeah. My boyfriend and I are staying together although he is finishing and I am going to stay on for postgrad. Equally its not important to have a long term relationship at uni especially if you're unsure about what youre going to be doing in the future.
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