Jealousy- I can't stop it!

I'm so sorry for the length. I've highlighted key bits to make it more readable.

I was brought up Catholic and while I've planned for a career, I always believed that marriage and family were the most important things in life. Anyway, I assumed from a young age (10 or so) that I would marry young, maybe this was because my school was so indoctrinating, but it felt right.

I'm 21 and I've realised this will possibly never happen, and it makes me sad. I've never had a relationship, but what little I have had I've felt I've probably forced to get to that point by trying to maintain it beyond the male's interest. There are NO men in Cathsoc who are suitable, as in they are either taken or ERASMUS students, not that I'm as clinical about dating as that sounds!

So I feel that marriage is pushed to be this ideal, but it is very likely not to happen to me, but I still feel I want it. The worst part is, for the right reasons- ie the sacrament etc etc. I want the desire to be removed because it is seriously painful to think that God thinks I'm meant to be alone, when I've been alone all my life and hate it. I'm now focussing on my future career but I feel this is more selfish than the marriage thing because it's just about me, but if I didn't do this I would probably lose my faith completely.

The jealousy thing comes about because a sizable minority of people at my school were religious, and a lot of my aquaintances that I go to the same conferences etc/ did the same volunteering with at school are married or just about to marry. I'm not normally jealous but I don't understand why they get to get married and I don't, when I was as good a Christian as them, but I hate this attitude! I understand all the 'in God's time' etc arguments but I just can't accept it, even though I want to.

Sorry for the length of this. The last factor was that I met a guy who was 'Catholic' but I learnt that he is a serial womaniser and not a nice person (he had tried to take advantage of me at a cathsoc party when I was a bit tipsy- not planned, I just couldn't take drink well- and tried to do stuff to me, I got rid of him but he then rang the chaplain and said that I was 'really drunk'- lie to get himself out of trouble and so I couldn't tell anyone.) The fact that he presented himself as Christian makes it worse- I don't know if I can even trust Christian boys now as well- could be a sign I don't derserve marriage?

I'm so sorry for the length. I've highlighted key bits to make it more readable.

I was brought up Catholic and while I've planned for a career, I always believed that marriage and family were the most important things in life. Anyway, I assumed from a young age (10 or so) that I would marry young, maybe this was because my school was so indoctrinating, but it felt right.

I'm 21 and I've realised this will possibly never happen, and it makes me sad. I've never had a relationship, but what little I have had I've felt I've probably forced to get to that point by trying to maintain it beyond the male's interest. There are NO men in Cathsoc who are suitable, as in they are either taken or ERASMUS students, not that I'm as clinical about dating as that sounds!

So I feel that marriage is pushed to be this ideal, but it is very likely not to happen to me, but I still feel I want it. The worst part is, for the right reasons- ie the sacrament etc etc. I want the desire to be removed because it is seriously painful to think that God thinks I'm meant to be alone, when I've been alone all my life and hate it. I'm now focussing on my future career but I feel this is more selfish than the marriage thing because it's just about me, but if I didn't do this I would probably lose my faith completely.

The jealousy thing comes about because a sizable minority of people at my school were religious, and a lot of my aquaintances that I go to the same conferences etc/ did the same volunteering with at school are married or just about to marry. I'm not normally jealous but I don't understand why they get to get married and I don't, when I was as good a Christian as them, but I hate this attitude! I understand all the 'in God's time' etc arguments but I just can't accept it, even though I want to.

Sorry for the length of this. The last factor was that I met a guy who was 'Catholic' but I learnt that he is a serial womaniser and not a nice person (he had tried to take advantage of me at a cathsoc party when I was a bit tipsy- not planned, I just couldn't take drink well- and tried to do stuff to me, I got rid of him but he then rang the chaplain and said that I was 'really drunk'- lie to get himself out of trouble and so I couldn't tell anyone.) The fact that he presented himself as Christian makes it worse- I don't know if I can even trust Christian boys now as well- could be a sign I don't derserve marriage?

You know marriage is one of the fundamentals of Human Society, there is no way that you are not suitable for it. All you have to do is to wait for your time to come and just focus on your studies. Its just a matter of time. Every creation of God is special in its own unique way. Just dont get depressed, you are only 21 and the majority of married women I know ,almost all of them, were married at the age of 25 or later. The only thing you have to worry about right now is your future career. Believe in God and leave everything to his infinite wisdom.

I JUST DON'T WANT to want to marry.

Marriage isn't the be all and end all of everything. If you don't want to get married....then don't