i am ANNOYED

33.33.33

i really need to vent my frustration once again, so apologies to your ears/eyes.

some of you may remember a frustrated thread a few weeks ago concerning my mother and her putting my clothes in dirt for almost no reason at all.

the mother daughter conflict continues and the latest chapter concerns the car. we share this car. it was originally hers, but i pay for petrol (for BOTH of us) and my insurance. now, she is going away tomorrow and we had spoken about me using the car to drive about 10 miles away while she was gone, and it was never mentioned that it was going to be an issue. now, she claims i can't use the car while she's away about 30 minutes ago, which has COMPLETELY ruined every single plan that i had for the next two weeks.

don't get me wrong, i wasn't planning on driving up and down the country or doing anything wild. i have a job which keeps me busy most of the time and i only wanted to use the car three or four times while she was away, to the usual places, to SEE MY FRIENDS.

now, for no reason i'm not allowed to the use the car which i pay to run, and pay to insure myself for. i'm legally an adult, i passed my test ages ago, i have always respected the car, i've not damaged it and i'm always home from driving when i say i will be (so that i don't worry her). i even offered to text before and after whenever i used the car.

i have practically begged to ask her to leave me the car while shes gone, but she's having none of it and claims it's just because i don't need it when i quite clearly do. she obviously has some issue with trusting me, or just isn't telling me what the problem is. she is treating me like a child, and i don't like it. there isn't normally a problem with me using the car when i like so this is quite some shock, it's almost like she's punishing me for something i haven't done :frown:

please tell me if i am being unreasonable :confused:

but i think this car issue is pretty harsh.

Reply 1

high priestess fnord

9

yes its unreasonable that she didnt tell you sooner. The answer really is to buy your own car tho. since you allready pay for petrol and insurance it wouldnt be *that* much more money than your paying for the use of your mums car. either that or return to public transport while shes away?

Reply 2

33.33.33

OP

2

i can't get a car, i'm going to uni in two months and there is nowhere to put it, it seems stupid to insure myself on a car that i don't need.

ooo and guess who just got dumped by text!

Reply 3

sarahb

yeh it does sound as though she is being harsh about it. but parents get in those moods sometimes - let her cool off, and approach her again later, be calm about it and explain your point of view in a respectable way. if she stil doesnt budge, then cry, scream and stomp your feet untill she gives in :biggrin:

Reply 4

Russell_G

i think ur mum sounds pretty damn unreasonable. talk to her - tell her everything you've said here. but if she's away - why not jsut use it anyway - she'll never know..

Reply 5

33.33.33

OP

2

no she's taking my key, i physically can't use it. i've tried talking to her but she just won't listen. my dad has just phoned me to say it would be a REALLY good idea if we all go for a meal tonight and sort it out (obviously prompted by my mother)

Reply 6

sarahb

rxbeef

no she's taking my key, i physically can't use it. i've tried talking to her but she just won't listen. my dad has just phoned me to say it would be a REALLY good idea if we all go for a meal tonight and sort it out (obviously prompted by my mother)

then go, talk it through. be reasonable, calm and respectful to her (after all she is your mother!) and try to make her see your point of view. if your father is also there, he should hopefully be the one to show you both were u are being unreasonable and bring you both to a happy conclusion :biggrin:

Reply 7

bunthulhu

14

rxbeef

ooo and guess who just got dumped by text!

I also have an incredibly unreasonable mother, and combined with getting dumped by text, I think you deserve one of these! :hugs:

Hope you're okay x

Reply 8

xx Lotz xx

aaaaaw hunni i really feel for you *hugs*

my mum used 2 be completly unreasonable, around 2 years ago, jus after she had split up with my dad altho it was her decision, she was like that in the end things got so bad my brother and i had to move out (stayed @ my dads), she was always lying to us and became really ciniving, she'd say i could do something and then change her mind @ the last minute, n i saw no reason 4 it except to hurt me. after around a year she bought a house with her partner and we all moved in 2 it, ever since then, literally she changed over night, we've become so close and looking back i guess she was like that because she was stressed about supporting us and becoming a single parent, i realise now that @ a time when she needed my support the most, although she seemed 2 push me away, i never actually stopped 2 ask her what was going on, i could've helped her so much and i didn't and i regret that know.

Things are better than ever now, were so close as mother and daughter, please don't get me wrong im not trying to rub it in, jus trying to emphasise that there will be a reason why she is acting the way she is, and if she is finding it hard to deal with then she is likely to push you away. u need to sit down and talk 2 her, after all she is your mother, she'll prbably need it more than you ever imagined.

hope that helped, sorry it was a little long winded, i truley hope you work it out x x

Reply 9

33.33.33

OP

2

bunthulhu

I also have an incredibly unreasonable mother, and combined with getting dumped by text, I think you deserve one of these! :hugs:

Hope you're okay x

not to change the topic of the thread or anything but it was a 7 month relationship, blimey, some people are rubbish.

i'm going to be respectful for this meal, even if my mum can't quite manage to give me the respect i try so hard to give her. just another thing i feel the need to bitch about, is that she keeps cooking food that has dairy in and then calling me picky when i don't eat it. (i'm lactose intolerant).

something rather amusing, is that my dad asked me to go and pick them up from their friend's house in THE car... :redface:

Reply 10

OllieA

rxbeef

my dad asked me to go and pick them up from their friend's house in THE car... :redface:

Use that as a bargaining chip :rolleyes:

Reply 11

generalebriety

16

rxbeef

no she's taking my key, i physically can't use it.

Fine, siphon the petrol on the stroppy bitch. You paid for it, no you are not being unreasonable.

Reply 12

Delphinium_

rxbeef

, is that she keeps cooking food that has dairy in and then calling me picky when i don't eat it. (i'm lactose intolerant).

What?? That's just stupid. Insane. And I thought I had a naff mother for always putting me down and being so critical.

Reply 13

generalebriety

16

rxbeef

not to change the topic of the thread or anything but it was a 7 month relationship, blimey, some people are rubbish.

What happened between you two to make that happen? :frown:

rxbeef

just another thing i feel the need to bitch about, is that she keeps cooking food that has dairy in and then calling me picky when i don't eat it. (i'm lactose intolerant).

And that is just arsing rude. She allergic to anything? You know what I'm going to suggest. :smile:

If not, a few live worms in her steak pie will suffice.

Reply 14

bunthulhu

14

rxbeef

not to change the topic of the thread or anything but it was a 7 month relationship, blimey, some people are rubbish.

i'm going to be respectful for this meal, even if my mum can't quite manage to give me the respect i try so hard to give her. just another thing i feel the need to bitch about, is that she keeps cooking food that has dairy in and then calling me picky when i don't eat it. (i'm lactose intolerant).

something rather amusing, is that my dad asked me to go and pick them up from their friend's house in THE car... :redface:

What a horrible guy! You poor thing!! He really does sound rubbish, I hope you're not too upset.

I think it's good to give the meal idea a try - I remember about the dairy thing now though, you posted a thread on it before, grrrr at her!!! That made me really cross on your behalf!

It seems like your parents are being incredibly disrespectful of you as a person and your last comment (although quite amusing :rolleyes:

) confirms that!

Reply 15

blondemoment

on the verge of sounding like MY mother, u dont think its her defence mechanism for her being worried about you? im not suggesting she is being reasonable, just that perhaps what seems like her not trusting you is maybe, possibly, her trying the lessen the chnaces of something horible hapening to you whilst she is away and not around to assist? maybe explain how you can see this side of it to her, and then tell her, the truth that, you're going to uni in 2 months and she can't keep you wrapped up in cotton wool all the time? i would suspect that she knows this [that you are old enough] and in place of saying it openly, where you could just tell her correctly that she has no right to do that anymore, she is being obtuse so that you havent got a iron cast way of breaking her argument. IMO

the lactose thing, i can't explain

Reply 16

Lunar_Scorpion

Use public transport or get your friends to come to see you.

Reply 17

Lunar_Scorpion

Don't put petrol in the car ever again - get your mum to do it.

Reply 18

generalebriety

16

blondemoment

on the verge of sounding like MY mother, u dont think its her defence mechanism for her being worried about you? im not suggesting she is being reasonable, just that perhaps what seems like her not trusting you is maybe, possibly, her trying the lessen the chnaces of something horible hapening to you whilst she is away and not around to assist? maybe explain how you can see this side of it to her, and then tell her, the truth that, you're going to uni in 2 months and she can't keep you wrapped up in cotton wool all the time? i would suspect that she knows this [that you are old enough] and in place of saying it openly, where you could just tell her correctly that she has no right to do that anymore, she is being obtuse so that you havent got a iron cast way of breaking her argument. IMO

the lactose thing, i can't explain

Not exactly a defence mechanism, that, is it? :p:

Reply 19

rufus_da_bear

13

rxbeef

not to change the topic of the thread or anything but it was a 7 month relationship, blimey, some people are rubbish.

i'm going to be respectful for this meal, even if my mum can't quite manage to give me the respect i try so hard to give her. just another thing i feel the need to bitch about, is that she keeps cooking food that has dairy in and then calling me picky when i don't eat it. (i'm lactose intolerant).

something rather amusing, is that my dad asked me to go and pick them up from their friend's house in THE car... :redface:

your lactose intolerant? your mum is nasty!

i would say since i cant use the car, ill just forget about insuring it and paying the petrol, after all its useless...

i am ANNOYED

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