Helping a Nervous New Driver!

Hi,

I don't frequent TSR anymore but at a bit of a loss as what to do!

I've been driving for 7 years or so whilst my lovely boyfriend only passed his test (first time only 4 minors, woohoo!) last week! He's 31 years old and after getting a job outside the city he had to learn to drive to cut his commute short and save money- he was spending 2 hours each way on the train/bus!

So after passing his test on the 20th March, we went out and I helped him buy his first car this weekend. It's a lovely seat ibiza sport 2005 reg, 1.4 petrol engine with about 75000 on the clock and a really decent first car.

Last weekend we went driving round our local area in it, and even did a test drive to his workplace which is roughly 20 miles either way. He stalled a few times and kept blaming it on the 'petrol engine' (he learned in a VW polo, diesel) and did a few silly little things. but nothing that is expected of a new driver.

Anyway yesterday after his first day driving to work he came home shaking and in floods of tears. His journey there had been fine- a few hiccups but nothing to major. On the way home he'd stalled on a busy roundabout and couldn't get the car moving for what he says was about 2-minutes (although I reckon it was less, time goes slower when you're panicky) and people were having to move around him, honking their horns and he had a full blown panic attack. He drove home but was shaking the whole way.

I tried to reassure him, everyone stalls and you just need to get used to the car, practice etc and to ignore other people and calm down when situations like that arise etc.

Today he's refused to get in the car and drive to work and has taken his usual train/bus commute. I offered to go out in the car with him tonight and go to our local asda or the gym together but he just is terrified to do so. I think he may give it a go but I have no idea how to support him with this.

I think the best thing to do is spend the week just doing small trips to places in the evening and then go on a few 'big drives' this weekend and then try driving to work again next week so he gets a bit more practice in his car- as it is a complicated and long route to work everyday.

Any advice/tips?! He's 31 years old and I've never seen him like this before, he was such a confident driver when he was learning and this has clearly really affected him.

Few questions?
1. Is it normal for drivers to find driving petrol cars difficult after driving diesel for a while? I've made the transition and never found any problems at all...how realistic is it that he's struggling for this reason?
2. How can we get over his fear of stalling?
3. How can I get him to focus on his own driving rather than that of others- he's so worried about upsetting other drivers on the road, inconveniencing them etc
4. Anyone else found this happen to them as new drivers?

Bump

If he's only driven a diesel before then, yes, it can be hard.
Diesels tend to be a lot more forgiving on the clutch. So it seems in a petrol you'll stall more often as you have to be more smooth with the clutch than is needed in a diesel.

He just needs to practice, like you said. :]

Reply 3

CandyKoRn

Also, he sounds a lot like me when I first started driving.
It does no good for anyone to worry about what other drivers are thinking/doing, if anything the panicking will cause you to cause even more of an inconvenience.
If you stall (it happens to us all !!) just put the hand brake on/neutral turn the key off/on and off you go. No fuss.
Everyone else can and should wait.

Reply 4

Welsh Bluebird

Original post by Subcutaneous

1. Is it normal for drivers to find driving petrol cars difficult after driving diesel for a while? I've made the transition and never found any problems at all...how realistic is it that he's struggling for this reason?

It depends tbh. I can go back and forth with ease but it depends on how you as an individual driver and how well you're familiar with the clutch. Some people feel they can 'understand' a car better. My sister is really good with cars and a good driver. I'd go as far as saying she's better than me with them because my brother in law is car mad. Some people just have a knack for this thing. Others don't enjoy driving and just do it for the sheer convenience. There are days when I love driving and there are days, often due to other idiots, where I hate it and wish I never have to get in a car again.

2. How can we get over his fear of stalling?

You drive to a car park. He then drives around it with you there. Make sure its at a quiet time. Its nothing to be ashamed of at all. Slowly phase him back into driving and tell him to stop putting other drivers on a pedestal. They're nothing special. They're risks in fact. Im fully confident in my own driving having driven for around 5 years now and passing my test young but I am and always have been wary and vigilante of other idiots on the road. This has on two occasions helped me avoid crashing when I noticed once driver in a van drugged up and I pulled out of his way before he then went straight into the back of someones convertible.

3. How can I get him to focus on his own driving rather than that of others- he's so worried about upsetting other drivers on the road, inconveniencing them etc

First rule of the road is 'Everyone else on the road is a moron and expect them to do the stupid thing'. Thats what you need to live by as a driver. You may be the best driver on this planet but all it takes is another idiot to mess up and its game over. He should stop seeing others as people who he is inconveniencing and more as potential risks to him. He is not there driving for their convenience. Yes its good to be considerate on the road but such things develop over time and through experience. First and foremost, you should be looking after yourself and your passengers.

4. Anyone else found this happen to them as new drivers?

Not me. My mum was really nervous and her first driving instructor didn't help either. Everyone is different and some don't like the concept of being in control of such a powerful machine. They panic etc. especially with all the adverts of cars being smashed up and the laws you have to follow and cameras. The state has people in a state of paranoia too.

Reply 5

Sgt.Incontro

he came home shaking and in floods of tears.

Wow, please don't take it personally, but your "boy"-friend needs to grow a pair.

Reply 6

Helenia

Poor guy! I've had the odd panic attack along the way after nasty experiences (bastard Wandsworth gyratory!) but it's so important to get control of yourself and the car and deal with the stress later on.

1. I think some people do struggle. My husband learned on a big turbo diesel estate and really struggled with driving my old Ka, would stall it loads. However, we've now got an MX5 which is also a petrol engine, and he doesn't have the same problem. :confused:

Maybe you should go somewhere quiet and just practise finding the bite point in your car and moving off, over and over again until he's got the feel of it?

2. The problem isn't the stalling, it's the panic that ensues afterwards. Plenty of people still stall occasionally and it's no big deal, but taking 2 minutes to fix it is too long. He needs to accept that sometimes he will stall (though hopefully not as frequently if he's practised more in his car), and he just needs to take a deep breath, restart, and move off again when safe, with a wave to anyone who's waited (and an internal middle finger up at any ***** beeping their horn).

3. When I drive, I assume that everyone around me is a)stupid and b)a nobhead, so I try to anticipate them doing stupid stuff. In London/other cities you also need to add that not everyone will know where they're going so may cut across lanes suddenly etc. There is no need to drive particularly aggressively and force others out of the way etc, but he does need to be confident in his ability and his right of way (if applicable). If someone else thinks he's going too slow and tailgates him, that's their problem for being a ****er, not his. If someone beeps him for stalling, that's their problem for being impatient. He needs to get more experienced at doing his own thing and letting others do theirs as far as is reasonable.

4. Not so intensely, but it sounds like he set himself quite a challenge for his first real solo journey - a long rush-hour commute is nobody's idea of fun. Would it be possible for you to go along with him to work one day, just as a passenger, when you're on a day off? Might he feel safer with you there, even if you don't say anything?

Reply 7

KCLeblanc

I think you're best way would be to let him carry on the week using public transport but then make sure he drives at the weekend to rebuilt his confidence. Try to plan some sort of trip that he'll enjoy (probably not a good weekend to visit the inlaws).

The key thing is getting used to a different car is very difficult when you've only ever driven one other car. When you first drive things like the clutch biting point, the gear ratios and the controls get pretty much hard wired. By getting experience of different cars you can break this. It's then just a case of practise practise practise.

Reply 8

Sharron38

Hi am currently taking driving lessons but I feel so nervous while on the road.any advise would be very much appreciated

Reply 9

coldplasma

Original post by Sharron38

Hi am currently taking driving lessons but I feel so nervous while on the road.any advise would be very much appreciated

This thread is almost three years old. You should start a new one or post in one of the stickied threads in the learning to drive forum.

Reply 10

InArduisFouette

purely and simply he needs to practice his clutch control in the new to him vehicle ...

whne you haver driven for years and hundreds of thousands of miles, you can usually assess the clutch of a vehicle i nthe first mile or two ... but as a new driver , who has only driven one or two cars that;s rather harder