should I encourage my mate

I feel as though I should be doing something to help my friend get her life sorted, but I don't know what she wants.
Basically, my friend left school just before sixth-year, and only had a few standard grades. She didn't leave with Highers. She was a complete tear-away at school and was a bit "rough round the edges." I was always doing well at school though, and got Highers and went into sixth year. We are totally chalk and cheese, but I think she's ace and we have such a laugh together. After she was chucked out of school, I encouraged her to go to college and pick a course she really wanted to do. She was dead keen to do it and with a bit of luck she got in. By this time last year she was at college, getting qualifications and had a part time job at a supermarket. I was really pleased for her, she was getting herself sorted and growing up. However, today I met her again in the supermarket. She said she'd quit college before the exams, and was working full-time at the shop. She had no plans for anything else and I was gutted. I thought she was making a go of her life, and when I told her I was going to university she looked a bit uncomfortable. Nevertheless we went out for lunch and had a laugh, but I can't help but feel I should be encouraging her to find something she really wants to do, and getting her out of a rut. Would do you think?

Reply 1

Chewwy

well... why did she give up college?

Reply 2

amywalters

I think that some people can't be pushed if they don't want to themselves. Its her own responsibility to achieve her own goals, if she decides to have any. Just concentrate on yours and maybe she'd look up to you.

Reply 3

black_mamba

This sounds exactly like the situation I am in with my sis - she keeps leaving school, college, work etc. and is doing nothing with her life, and as much as I want to help her she refuses to do anything proactive, refuses to even get a job.

At least your friend is working. But you can't push people into things. I don't see anything wrong with what she is doing, maybe you think she has potential for something greater?

With my sis whenever I talked about her doing something useful, like working or getting an education, she felt as if I was insulting her. When I started talking about her in a positive sense i.e. you're talented in X and Y you could make a lot of money doing it professionally, she responded better. Still, as amy said above, it's not your responsibility to change your friend's life: give her advice and encouragement but stop there.

Reply 4

LatinMachine

At times I've felt the same, that I should be "doing something" to help a friend. But I've come to realise it's their choice - if they want to screw it up, then they will, no matter how much you help them. On the other hand, some people just aren't suited for college/uni, maybe because they're not interested in academics. Some people aren't even interested in having a job they particularily enjoy - they just want the money to go out and do other things. She might take a while to find what she wants to do, but it probably would be better for her to find this out for herself. She might see that you have great fun at Uni and want to do the same :biggrin:

Just be careful she's not attention-seeking, and she doesn't come to rely on you to "sort her out." T'would be a bad pattern indeed. Good luck!

Reply 5

mc_hamster

I think it's pretty much up to your friend to decide what to do. Some people do fine with out uni or college, and sometimes takes them a while to work out what they want to do.

Reply 6

Shockley

The thing is, she's a really nice person and I'd love her to be happy. I hope she is. I've promised her that when I start Uni, we'll keep in touch and still be great mates, go out shopping etc. She's one of the good ones that has stuck by me and knows how to enjoy herself, unlike my other snooty classmates who I soon forgot about. It's true, education isn't everything, but I hope she doesn't ever have to struggle to make ends meet later in life.

Reply 7

Ron Stoppable

Find out exactly how to help a friend who is struggling to do what's good for them - click here. :smile:

Reply 8

Kittennffc

Its really nice that you want to help her out, and stick by her when she seems like the type of person who does her own thing. Some people aren't academic, and don't see the point in anything beyond compulsary education. As long as shes happy, don't try to push her into education, after all, success in one persons eyes isn't always the same in someone elses.

Keep in touch with her, show her what a great person she is, and encourage her in things she wants to do and feels passionate about. Just because she isn't doing what you or society expects, doesn't mean she isnt happy :smile:

Reply 9

Chumbaniya

If she's not happy with how she's doing, and the only reason for her dropping out of college is that she's struggling, then she might need encouragement to try and get to where she wants to be. However, if she just doesn't have the desire to put in the effort to complete her course, that's her decision - at some point it's all going to come down to an individual's will to succeed, and if she doesn't have it, that's all down to her. Getting extra qualifications isn't for everyone, anyway.