Boyfriend slept at a girl's house!
So, we're in a long distance relationship and he slept at a girl's house (his university colleague - he's known her for 6 months now). He had hidden that from me and confessed it when we were arguing. His excuse was that he was too tired to go home, and her house was closer. For him, this is normal, but I feel really bad, especially that he lied to me. I forgave him, but I lost all my trust.
What do you think? Do I have nothing to worry about?
What do you think? Do I have nothing to worry about?
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Only weird thing is that he didn't tell you in the first place, though that could depend on how you would react, if he knows you're the type to blow that sort of thing out of proportion, he might have thought that if it was a one off situation it would be less stressful if you didn't know.
Did you ask him why he didn't tell you initially?
Did you ask him why he didn't tell you initially?
Hi Anon,
My boyfriend would do exactly the same thing as yours, especially considering I have a tendency to react really bad about such things. This situation is quite a tough one and I totally understand why you're finding it hard but you have to do what you feel is right in your heart.
BembaNugget
My boyfriend would do exactly the same thing as yours, especially considering I have a tendency to react really bad about such things. This situation is quite a tough one and I totally understand why you're finding it hard but you have to do what you feel is right in your heart.
BembaNugget
This EXACT thing happened to me only he slept in the girls bed who lives next door to him. It would have taken him 30 seconds to get to his own bed but he was 'too tired'. He hid this from me and used it against me when we were arguing a while ago. It really really angered and upset me.
Original post by Cap'n'cook
This EXACT thing happened to me only he slept in the girls bed who lives next door to him. It would have taken him 30 seconds to get to his own bed but he was 'too tired'. He hid this from me and used it against me when we were arguing a while ago. It really really angered and upset me.
Thats ridiculous
Staying at a mates house on the floor or a sofa is understandable however
If you're going to lose all trust or go mental at him OP I can understand why he didnt say anything.
As a girl with mainly male friends, I sleep over at their places all the time, because we all live a fair way away from each other and we dont want to drive back late or whatever.
Guess what?
Nothing happens.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
So, we're in a long distance relationship and he slept at a girl's house (his university colleague - he's known her for 6 months now). He had hidden that from me and confessed it when we were arguing. His excuse was that he was too tired to go home, and her house was closer. For him, this is normal, but I feel really bad, especially that he lied to me. I forgave him, but I lost all my trust.
What do you think? Do I have nothing to worry about?
What do you think? Do I have nothing to worry about?
My girlfriend did the same thing.. although she had already planned to sleep at this guys place because she was visiting some friends in a different town. He's a good friend of hers, but she also finds him attractive (I know because I once asked).
She only told me when we had an argument. She also told me that they were really drunk and after a night out, the guy came to sit really close to her on her bed (she slept in a different room) and then he kissed her.
Awkward :P
Nothing to worry for you though I'd say, the guy probably didn't tell you just to avoid causing jealousy.
The fact that he didn't tell you about it is the only part which concerns me. I've had male friends sleep over if it's been convenient for them to crash there and it has been completely platonic. It's not necessarily a sign of cheating. The best you can do is talk to him and explain how you feel about it.
This is boring.you have no way to know what he does,so even if he didn't cheat on this occasion he can cheat if he wants and he's not going to tell you.
I only see my boyfriend for perhaps 10-20% of the year. We rarely talk on the phone/FaceTime, we don't text constantly, because all we have is trust that the person is there, that they love you, and wouldn't do anything to hurt you.
The moral of the story is:
In an LDR, if there isn't trust, there is nothing. You can't be there breathing down his neck constantly to make sure he's doing the right or wrong thing. I say: be worried, but don't let it get to you. Just know that only positives could come out of it - if he's not cheating, then you're boyfriend is lovely! If he is, then you've revealed to yourself the scumbag he is before it's too late and you're married or whatever, and you'll get rid of him and find someone who deserves you.
That's my two cents.
The moral of the story is:
In an LDR, if there isn't trust, there is nothing. You can't be there breathing down his neck constantly to make sure he's doing the right or wrong thing. I say: be worried, but don't let it get to you. Just know that only positives could come out of it - if he's not cheating, then you're boyfriend is lovely! If he is, then you've revealed to yourself the scumbag he is before it's too late and you're married or whatever, and you'll get rid of him and find someone who deserves you.
That's my two cents.
Original post by Anonymous
So, we're in a long distance relationship and he slept at a girl's house (his university colleague - he's known her for 6 months now). He had hidden that from me and confessed it when we were arguing. His excuse was that he was too tired to go home, and her house was closer. For him, this is normal, but I feel really bad, especially that he lied to me. I forgave him, but I lost all my trust.
What do you think? Do I have nothing to worry about?
What do you think? Do I have nothing to worry about?
You don't loose your trust for someone until they give you a reason too - now does your reason count for this?
Coming from a male - He probably didn't tell you because he didn't think it was worth the hassle of trying to explain that he stayed at a girl's house and nothing happened. My point is - he didn't mention it because there was nothing bad to mention.
Yes, he stayed at a girls house but that doesn't mean he did anything to affect your relationship.
Stop worrying and tell him to be more honest with you in the future as to you it makes you raise suspicions that you can't help when he doesn't tell you things like that.
Coming from a male - He probably didn't tell you because he didn't think it was worth the hassle of trying to explain that he stayed at a girl's house and nothing happened. My point is - he didn't mention it because there was nothing bad to mention.
Yes, he stayed at a girls house but that doesn't mean he did anything to affect your relationship.
Stop worrying and tell him to be more honest with you in the future as to you it makes you raise suspicions that you can't help when he doesn't tell you things like that.
I would dump him. That said I am pretty clear on boundaries in relationships. The fact he used it as a way to hurt you is dump worthy alone imo (It also shows he doesnt think its acceptable behaviour)
(edited 10 years ago)
I think long distance relationships for me, won't ever work. Nu-uh. Nope. I can't agree with it. Unless I see her every week, just texting/talking on the phone/skype or whatever, I have a good feeling I'll get bored of that, and I'll need more from the relationship.
There's this Instagram couple from the US. The guy and the girl live in different states, they are both gym enthusiasts and they post pics up of their banging bodies on Instagram. They started talking through Instagram lol and now they've been together for like 2 years now, crazy. If they can do it OP, you guys can as well.
There's this Instagram couple from the US. The guy and the girl live in different states, they are both gym enthusiasts and they post pics up of their banging bodies on Instagram. They started talking through Instagram lol and now they've been together for like 2 years now, crazy. If they can do it OP, you guys can as well.
Original post by Coke Or Pepsi
I only see my boyfriend for perhaps 10-20% of the year. We rarely talk on the phone/FaceTime, we don't text constantly, because all we have is trust that the person is there, that they love you, and wouldn't do anything to hurt you.
The moral of the story is:
In an LDR, if there isn't trust, there is nothing. You can't be there breathing down his neck constantly to make sure he's doing the right or wrong thing. I say: be worried, but don't let it get to you. Just know that only positives could come out of it - if he's not cheating, then you're boyfriend is lovely! If he is, then you've revealed to yourself the scumbag he is before it's too late and you're married or whatever, and you'll get rid of him and find someone who deserves you.
That's my two cents.
The moral of the story is:
In an LDR, if there isn't trust, there is nothing. You can't be there breathing down his neck constantly to make sure he's doing the right or wrong thing. I say: be worried, but don't let it get to you. Just know that only positives could come out of it - if he's not cheating, then you're boyfriend is lovely! If he is, then you've revealed to yourself the scumbag he is before it's too late and you're married or whatever, and you'll get rid of him and find someone who deserves you.
That's my two cents.
Moralism ALERT is on.So a person is a scumbag if he cheats on her,but he's good and ok if he does other dishonest things against others(tax fraud,cheating at uni,lying for other reasons,and so on).It turns out he's a scumbag only if he cheats on the girl.I hear it a lot from girls.
Nope. I did not say that at all. You're extrapolating extremely... If he commits tax fraud, he is also a scumbag. I would leave my boyfriend for being a (in my opinion) bad person, and the definition of 'bad' is not just restricted to just cheating on me. It extends to a failure of being decent in every other aspect of life.
I don't know how I implied what you're saying at all...
I don't know how I implied what you're saying at all...
Original post by RoyalMarine
Moralism ALERT is on.So a person is a scumbag if he cheats on her,but he's good and ok if he does other dishonest things against others(tax fraud,cheating at uni,lying for other reasons,and so on).It turns out he's a scumbag only if he cheats on the girl.I hear it a lot from girls.
Original post by Coke Or Pepsi
Nope. I did not say that at all. You're extrapolating extremely... If he commits tax fraud, he is also a scumbag. I would leave my boyfriend for being a (in my opinion) bad person, and the definition of 'bad' is not just restricted to just cheating on me. It extends to a failure of being decent in every other aspect of life.
I don't know how I implied what you're saying at all...
I don't know how I implied what you're saying at all...
Because that's what I see everyday.I never hear girls saying their bf is a scumbag if he's not honest on other things.Actually they even defend their bf even if he's clearly on the wrong side of 'justice'.But if he cheats on her ,then he becomes the worst criminal on earth. you may be an exception
I'd day it's a dumpable (and if not dump, seriously consider and discuss things) offence. Less the fact that he stayed, more the fact that he didn't tell you. Since he brought it up in an argument it's almost like he used it to make you feel bad - it's not something that he just forgot to mention. Dishonesty is betrayal of trust and he needs to realise this is a big deal.
Original post by Yemiisii
He probably slept with her too. Lol if a guy says they live/ stayed over a girls place and they didn't sleep together or have any type of sexual contact... It's a lie.
Unfortunately I agree with this.
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