Is this success? Life feels empty..

Watch this thread
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
Hi Guys,

In need of some advice/wisdom..

I'm 28yo and currently live in Manchester. I work within Corporate Finance/M&A and earn around £45k a year plus a small discretionary bonus. I live on my own in a nice two bedroom apartment which is worth around £250k and drive a beautiful Mercedes E-class coupe. I made it this far from the ghettos where I grew up with not much at all and worked hard at school and got to a top RG university etc..

But now at 28, I feel empty and don't really know what to do with my life and where to steer it in order to achieve higher things/ambitions. I know I don't want to get married, but enjoy dating girls on weekends etc.

I feel as though atm my life has no sense of purpose/direction..I want to achieve higher things and move onto bigger things but have no idea how.

Thoughts are appreciated..
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#2
Report 8 years ago
#2
Wow, you certainly have a rather good lifestyle described there! Apartments and Mercedes and discretionary bonuses are indeed nice things to have. Most people would probably agree that these nice things serve to display a measure of 'success' to the world. And well done you on all your hard work! Enjoy! But why the focus on 'success' and its trappings? Do you somehow feel that success and nice things=happy? Interesting. Have you heard of the concept of the 'hedonic treadmill'? We can become acclimatised to any amount of nice things and they no longer give us the same buzz as when we first bought them.

I'm a couple of years older than you and only earn a fraction of what you do, don't even have my own place (shared house) or a car (no Merc for me, just my legs or the bus)! I too came from a working class background and was the first in my family to go to uni (Russell Group). Yet I don't feel the same ennui that you describe. Perhaps because my job involves helping to educate youngsters in a deprived inner city area. Am I happy? Hm. It is no walk in the park, and I don't go round feeling 'fulfilled' or 'enlightened' in some way. I feel frustration (with social conditions/gvt policies), anger (at adults who should do more for our young people) and sadness (at the terrible conditions some of these young people live in). But never boredom. There is too much to be done! Too much untapped potential going to waste!

Studies have shown that people are happy when they are helping others. It makes us feel needed and worthwhile and 'part of' something greater. Now, I'm not suggesting that you switch careers to education or social work or something. A high flying person like yourself has a lot to offer without changing careers. The school where I work has a program where people from law/business come in and spend time with a couple of kids, an hour a week or so. Seeing how someone like them - especially someone from the same background - has 'made it' through hard work and dedication can make all the difference. Maybe you could look for something like that?

Another thing which I wonder is if you have had all the life experiences which you had hoped for? If you spent your 20s building your career have you had chance to travel? Maybe plan an amazing dream trip to allow yourself to recharge and take stock.
2
reply
Anonymous #3
#3
Report 8 years ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi Guys,

In need of some advice/wisdom..

I'm 28yo and currently live in Manchester. I work within Corporate Finance/M&A and earn around £45k a year plus a small discretionary bonus. I live on my own in a nice two bedroom apartment which is worth around £250k and drive a beautiful Mercedes E-class coupe. I made it this far from the ghettos where I grew up with not much at all and worked hard at school and got to a top RG university etc..

But now at 28, I feel empty and don't really know what to do with my life and where to steer it in order to achieve higher things/ambitions. I know I don't want to get married, but enjoy dating girls on weekends etc.

I feel as though atm my life has no sense of purpose/direction..I want to achieve higher things and move onto bigger things but have no idea how.

Thoughts are appreciated..
Hi,

I am 23 and I'm worried of becoming just like you, or ending up in a similar situation.

I'm currently doing a work placement and will most likely graduate with a first in business and would be surprised not to find work after graduation. I also have a long term girlfriend and the relationship is getting pretty boring.

Everyone is telling me I'm doing so well etc, but my life feels so empty and boring. I'll be back in uni next year but this year has really made me feel is this (boring work 9-5) gonna be all my life?

I know this all sounds a bit silly as we have things so well in life but I can't say I'm happy.

Therefore I'm considering something different such as leaving everything behind (apart from my degree) and moving to South East Asia!

(Anon. because a few private details here)
0
reply
James Gee
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report 8 years ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi Guys,

In need of some advice/wisdom..

I'm 28yo and currently live in Manchester. I work within Corporate Finance/M&A and earn around £45k a year plus a small discretionary bonus. I live on my own in a nice two bedroom apartment which is worth around £250k and drive a beautiful Mercedes E-class coupe. I made it this far from the ghettos where I grew up with not much at all and worked hard at school and got to a top RG university etc..

But now at 28, I feel empty and don't really know what to do with my life and where to steer it in order to achieve higher things/ambitions. I know I don't want to get married, but enjoy dating girls on weekends etc.

I feel as though atm my life has no sense of purpose/direction..I want to achieve higher things and move onto bigger things but have no idea how.

Thoughts are appreciated..
I would diagnose this as a self-esteem issue.

The level of success you have attained is one thing; and it is not altogether uncommon for high achievers such as CEOs and successful entrepreneurs to be unable to enjoy their success on anything deeper than a superficial level.

Do you still have career goals that you want to fulfil OP? Are you actively working towards anything; such as a side-project, learning a new skill and or some sort of creative pursuit?
0
reply
slam914
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#5
Report 8 years ago
#5
I think u should do or learn something to challenge yourself, as the purpose of life is to experience and learn new things everyday. When u overcome a challenge it feels rewarding and feeling like u have something to live for.

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful"

You can try setting yourself a goal on a regular basis such as, learn how to knit a scarf xDD try to do volunteering! Go on an vacation and learn different cultures. Theres so much things to do and see in this world, u just got to find something new to do ^^

Posted from TSR Mobile
1
reply
slam914
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
Report 8 years ago
#6
Also, is there anything u want to do before u die? Make a bucket list and complete them!

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
demx9
Badges: 3
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#7
Report 8 years ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi Guys,

In need of some advice/wisdom..

I'm 28yo and currently live in Manchester. I work within Corporate Finance/M&A and earn around £45k a year plus a small discretionary bonus. I live on my own in a nice two bedroom apartment which is worth around £250k and drive a beautiful Mercedes E-class coupe. I made it this far from the ghettos where I grew up with not much at all and worked hard at school and got to a top RG university etc..

But now at 28, I feel empty and don't really know what to do with my life and where to steer it in order to achieve higher things/ambitions. I know I don't want to get married, but enjoy dating girls on weekends etc.

I feel as though atm my life has no sense of purpose/direction..I want to achieve higher things and move onto bigger things but have no idea how.

Thoughts are appreciated..
Leave everything behind and become a monk.
1
reply
Tootles
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#8
Report 8 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi Guys,

In need of some advice/wisdom..

I'm 28yo and currently live in Manchester. I work within Corporate Finance/M&A and earn around £45k a year plus a small discretionary bonus. I live on my own in a nice two bedroom apartment which is worth around £250k and drive a beautiful Mercedes E-class coupe. I made it this far from the ghettos where I grew up with not much at all and worked hard at school and got to a top RG university etc..

But now at 28, I feel empty and don't really know what to do with my life and where to steer it in order to achieve higher things/ambitions. I know I don't want to get married, but enjoy dating girls on weekends etc.

I feel as though atm my life has no sense of purpose/direction..I want to achieve higher things and move onto bigger things but have no idea how.

Thoughts are appreciated..
Basically, you've acknowledged that you're financially successful, and all you can want now is more financial success.

But it seems that you're realizing that you've got nothing to do, nothing to spend your success on, so to speak. Maybe you should let things get a little more serious with one of your dates; that could give you a reason to aspire for more success. At the end of the day, having money is nice, but you can't take it with you, and after a certain threshold there's simply no point in having more than you've got. So you might as well have someone to enjoy it with - and that in itself will give you more enjoyment than a quarter-million apartment or a 'beautiful' car.

There's more to live for than that. As someone from the ghettos, you should appreciate that as much as anyone.
0
reply
Bassetts
Badges: 17
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#9
Report 8 years ago
#9
If you're unhappy with the money you're earning, you can always give it to me.
0
reply
Anonymousgirll
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#10
Report 8 years ago
#10
(Original post by Bassetts)
If you're unhappy with the money you're earning, you can always give it to me.
And me? We could go halfers or spilt it three ways?

OP

No but on a serious note you have done so well to make it is far in life. That saying money doesn't by happiness is clearly proving to be true in your case, is it not? I disagree with the saying though as money would buy me happiness.

Anyways, you just need to find out what makes you happy and do it. So whether it be it travelling, spending time with family, taking up some new hobbies or interests. If your unhappy the only way it will change is by you making changes. You yourself know what makes you happy/ unhappy.
0
reply
LolaLowe
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#11
Report 8 years ago
#11
I think its perfectly natural to occasionally reach a point in life where you say ok, I have done the things I set out to do, whats next?

I think you need to figure out what the next set of ambitions are, challenges, and them rev up again and go get 'em.

So you dont want to be married, thats fair enough. Is there a physical challenge you can set yourself? An academic challenge? A language you want to learn? places you want to visit? skills to learn? a charity thats near to your heart that you could contribute your time to?

There are some challenges that can encompass loads of these things, say for example getting permission to convert a patch of wasteland in a run down area to a community garden. Bear with me. It would mean meetings, negotiations with the council, schmoozing sponsors, press coverage, some charity elements, getting volunteers, project management etc etc its time consuming and frustrating to take on a big project like this, and will have you pulling your hair out by the end, but apart from being incredibly worthwhile it will give you a purpose and one aspect of it might just trigger some new thing you find you love. This example is just off the top of my head, there are surely things you are interested in that you could use to decide on a project, skills etc you have.

You are clearly intelligent and organised to have got as far as you have, force yourself outside your comfort zone to do something for others and your new path will appear.

Remember that just because the things you wanted and aimed for and have achieved dont feel like the be all and end all now that you have got them, it doesnt mean they are not great achievements. You have proved to yourself you are awesome, you can overcome hurdles to get what you want....aim big, aim high, and if there isnt anything you want for yourself at this particular moment in time ask yourself if you could spend some time doing something for others.
1
reply
Avicenna1
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#12
Report 8 years ago
#12
why are u asking this on a forum filled with students?
0
reply
LolaLowe
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#13
Report 8 years ago
#13
(Original post by Avicenna1)
why are u asking this on a forum filled with students?
...because being a student and being intelligent/emotionally supportive/insightful are not mutually exclusive maybe?
0
reply
Avicenna1
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#14
Report 8 years ago
#14
(Original post by LolaLowe)
...because being a student and being intelligent/emotionally supportive/insightful are not mutually exclusive maybe?
why would someone who has had such success so far in life be interested in the opinions of people that probably haven't even left sixth form.
0
reply
LolaLowe
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#15
Report 8 years ago
#15
(Original post by Avicenna1)
why would someone who has had such success so far in life be interested in the opinions of people that probably haven't even left sixth form.
...because many sixth formers are focussed on the achieving of these exact things, and because many people here are students, early 20s, in the place where OP was only a few years ago. Perhaps he/she felt that by taking a step back and enjoying the perspective of those who may have the same ambitions that he had when he was in their position, he would remember something that he/she had forgotten or see something new. There will be people here with ambitions to achieve similar things, and OP might have been hoping to hear yes I am planning to have those things too, then I'm going to do such and such, which might give an idea for the next thing he/she wants.

There is a lot of validity in asking this question here. OP I hope you get some useful replies, and good for you for re-examining what you want rather than just chugging on.
0
reply
Freckely Tim
Badges: 13
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#16
Report 8 years ago
#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi Guys,

In need of some advice/wisdom..

I'm 28yo and currently live in Manchester. I work within Corporate Finance/M&A and earn around £45k a year plus a small discretionary bonus. I live on my own in a nice two bedroom apartment which is worth around £250k and drive a beautiful Mercedes E-class coupe. I made it this far from the ghettos where I grew up with not much at all and worked hard at school and got to a top RG university etc..

But now at 28, I feel empty and don't really know what to do with my life and where to steer it in order to achieve higher things/ambitions. I know I don't want to get married, but enjoy dating girls on weekends etc.

I feel as though atm my life has no sense of purpose/direction..I want to achieve higher things and move onto bigger things but have no idea how.

Thoughts are appreciated..
Have a look here- http://www.christianityexplored.org. It's aimed at exactly people like yourself, looking for answers to life's bigger questions. Not trying to force you to believe/commit to anything you don't want to- merely inviting you to look into it, seeing as you seem to be searching.
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Year 12s - where are you at with making decisions about university?

I’ve chosen my course and my university (10)
35.71%
I’ve chosen my course and shortlisted some universities (9)
32.14%
I’ve chosen my course, but not any universities (2)
7.14%
I’ve chosen my university, but not my course (1)
3.57%
I’ve shortlisted some universities, but not my course (2)
7.14%
I’m starting to consider my university options (3)
10.71%
I haven’t started thinking about university yet (0)
0%
I’m not planning on going to university (1)
3.57%

Watched Threads

View All