The Student Room Group

Guys and Girls is rejection an essential part of getting a gf

this thread is from the view point of boys asking out girls. what i want to ask is if you fear rejection will you find it difficult to get a gf? for e.g. i see a lot of girls i want to talk to but i fear rejection so i dont talk to them, result = never had a gf. is this the only way? what are your stories?

i want to also know has a girl ever approached you in a cafe or bar because this has never happened to me and i never see girls approaching guys?

i know this thread is confusing, if you can understand it please try and help me with my questions, if not dont post, i dont want anyone posting telling me how confusing it is or how crap my grammar/ spelling is

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Reply 1
If you've never had a gf, or are afraid to chat up girls, then how do you know what rejection is like? I'd just do it. There's loads of girls out there. If you see someone you like at a party/work/school whatever, I wouldn't be afraid to go and talk to her. But don't make it obvious that you fancy her= rejection.
Reply 2
what i want to ask is if you fear rejection will you find it difficult to get a gf?


of course, but as long as you're trying, eventually you'll be successful and that will give you more confidence.

i want to also know has a girl ever approached you in a cafe or bar because this has never happened to me and i never see girls approaching guys?


yeah, it doesn't really happen, especially not in cafes (!). Unfair, isn't it? :smile:

Can't see anything wrong with your spelling :p:
Reply 3
approach them and be friendly them, instead of just looking for one thing. keep the idea of them ebing a girlfriend out of your mind, just get to know them 'normally' for a while, then, when things have progressed and you're confident, move things on.
Reply 4
^^ Although you don't want to be one of the guys who girls think of only as friends, and not as potential boyfriends.
Reply 5
ok girls, what if someone did approach you, if someone as ugly as wayne rooney came up to you (and you didnt know he was famous and the rest of it) and started talking to you, how would you handle it? what do you expect a guy to say girls? and also what would make you feel uncomfortable because thats the last thing that i would want to do.
Reply 6
kizer
^^ Although you don't want to be one of the guys who girls think of only as friends, and not as potential boyfriends.


Yeah. That's common and it's bad- or unfortunate. Chances of relationship slowly dwindle.
Reply 7
Anonymous
ok girls, what if someone did approach you, if someone as ugly as wayne rooney came up to you (and you didnt know he was famous and the rest of it) and started talking to you, how would you handle it? what do you expect a guy to say girls? and also what would make you feel uncomfortable because thats the last thing that i would want to do.


Well we can't tell you what to say to us lol! It's kind of important that you use your own words there :p:

To be honest if it was someone who I thought was really ugly I would be nice because I always make sure I am but I wouldn't flirt at all and try to make it clear I wasn't interested in them in that way. The only thing that would really make me uncomfortable is if they kept trying to be overly friendly and flirty despite me giving out all my 'nonononononononoonno' signals :redface:
Reply 8
Well someone who judges a person based on looks isnt worth it IMO, so if wayne rooney did come and talk to me i wouldnt even take the looks into consideration, what harm can a friendly chat do anyway? Girls expect a guy just to be friendly and take an interest in them- the conversation can be about anything to be honest. About the feeling uncomfortable, that only happens when a guy is all touchy feely straight away and is a general creep or when the conversation is dull and lifeless and its just one of those weird moments.
Rejection is just part of the process. You arent going to be every girls type. Even super models get rejected. It's how you deal with it. Make a joke of it or something. There is really no need to fear it. Once you've been rejected 2-3 times you will begin to wonder why you were so worried before. The guy who gets rejected the most probably gets the most pussy, because he is putting himself out there.
I dont think its fear of rejection its more just like sometimes you dont know what to say or do.
chewwy
approach them and be friendly them, instead of just looking for one thing. keep the idea of them ebing a girlfriend out of your mind, just get to know them 'normally' for a while, then, when things have progressed and you're confident, move things on.


This is a pretty good thing to remember. You know the way it's so much easier to talk to girls you don't fancy? Just try and push the idea of having a relationship to the back of your mind; accept you're talking to someone attractive, but otherwise try and consider them like anyone else you'd talk to.

Not that I'm in a position to comment, since I've not been in a relationship myself.
cielo
Yeah. That's common and it's bad- or unfortunate. Chances of relationship slowly dwindle.


Very true. You have to let her know you are attracted to her from the beginning. Avoid entering 'the freind zone' if you fancy her.
Reply 13
RogueTrader
Very true. You have to let her know you are attracted to her from the beginning. Avoid entering 'the freind zone' if you fancy her.


Yep, also then makes it harder to ask them out because then you stand to loose a good friendship....can still happen though.
Reply 14
best way of letting her know your attracted?
Chumbaniya
This is a pretty good thing to remember. You know the way it's so much easier to talk to girls you don't fancy? Just try and push the idea of having a relationship to the back of your mind; accept you're talking to someone attractive, but otherwise try and consider them like anyone else you'd talk to.

Not that I'm in a position to comment, since I've not been in a relationship myself.


Seriously mate, it doesnt work. You think you are doing ok, until she says, 'Oh your such a nice guy, can you introduce me to your fit freind over there. he keeps giving me the eye'.
If you want to do it that way, focus on her bad points (rather than why you are attracted to her) when you speak to her. You will feel calmer, and more confident. Obviously keep flirting etc. Then start thinking about the good points when you are taking her home....
Raindroped
Well someone who judges a person based on looks isnt worth it IMO, so if wayne rooney did come and talk to me i wouldnt even take the looks into consideration, what harm can a friendly chat do anyway? Girls expect a guy just to be friendly and take an interest in them- the conversation can be about anything to be honest. About the feeling uncomfortable, that only happens when a guy is all touchy feely straight away and is a general creep or when the conversation is dull and lifeless and its just one of those weird moments.


A friendly chat is fine, but you can't expect everyone to be attracted to everyone else, so as long as someone doesn't flirt furiously with me when I'm clearly not interested, I'm happy for a chat :smile:
Anonymous
best way of letting her know your attracted?


Compliment her, but don't make it cheesy :smile:
I've been in awkward situations before, I'm no better but it may work for you. I'm 22 and never ever been remotely close to having a girlfriend.
Anonymous
best way of letting her know your attracted?


flirting, complements, touching her, dancing (if you are in a club) etc If its a really fit girl, dont just by her a drink straight away. she'll immediately put you in the same group as the 20 other guys who tried that and failed that night. Do something different, but be CONFIDENT.