How can he like her?

Ok another thread about my best friend. I posted a while ago about how it was getting me down cos he was too touchy/feely in public with his girlfriend and he didn't understand my relationship with her.

This is not about how can he like his girlfriend although sometimes i find myself wondering, but another girl who he thinks of as a friend, he spoke to her about me and said he didn't like the way i treated his girlfriend (there is nothing wrong with the way i treat her) this girl looked me up on msn and started having a go at me.

She said i can't expect to keep friends once they get girlfriends and I obviously don't have mature relationship with my boyfriend because i have managed to keep all my friends through mine. But what really got me is how can he like a girl who tells his best friend to give up and stop hassling him because he's got his girlfriend now and doesn't need me anymore.

I wasn't actually aware that i was hassling him in any way and i refuse to give up on my best friend cos i like believe that one day he will need me and i intend to be there for him when he does. It just really upset me that she thought that he didn't need me anymore.

I know his girlfriend has filled a gap in his life that occasionally i was obliged to temporarily fill and there are times when it upsets me that he uses up feelings on her the way he used to feel about me although we were never officially an item cos that not what either of us wanted.

But is this girl right should i give up cos he has a girlfriend now and doesn't need me anymore? Is our friendship ultimately doomed? Should i just forget it and put him and everything we had behind me and get on with my life without him? Or should i stick around and just be there for him if and when he does eventually need me?

Reply 1

Gem

This girl has no right to go to the trouble of looking you up on MSN with the sole intention of having a go at you, mainly saying 'stay away from my man'.

I reckon the only reason she feels the need to do this is pure and simple jealousy. She doesn't like that he has other close friends, especially girls, and so she's going to do all she can to get rid of them.

Does he know what she's done? I wouldn't say go out and tell him cos that'd look like you were trying to cause trouble, but if he asks, don't deny it.

Sound like you think the relationship won't last so I guess that as you haven't fallen out with him, just be there for him if it all goes wrong.

And, in answer to your question, when people get boyfriends/girlfriends, they shouldn't be expected to give up their friends, nor should they want to or be told to do so.

Do you just see him as a friend, or would you rather he was something more?

Reply 2

hippieglitter

No, definately pure and simple i don't want more than friendship with him. It wasn't his girlfriend who had go at me, sorry if thats how it sounded, it was another friend who happened to be a girl.

Reply 3

HereFishyFishy

Your post, although not too long, is an absolute mess. Please put paragraphes in it! I'd be happy to respond then. Just slightly confuzzled.

Reply 4

Gem

Hehe just checking you weren't having more feeling than friendship, I mean you said you have a boyfriend but I thought I'd check :smile:

So, who was the girl who had a go at you? Does the girlfriend or your friend know she had a go at you?

Reply 5

hippieglitter

The girl who had a go at me was another friend of his who he obviously thinks very highly of cos he talks about her all the time. He knows somebody upset me regarding him because i wanted him to apologise which he did but doesn't remember talking to anyone about me or anyone talking to me, so she hasn't told him and i didn't say who it was cos i;m not the kinda of person to ruin a friendship because the othe person upset me and tried to ruin mine.

Reply 6

HereFishyFishy

Well...what I can say is you shouldn't stop being friends with this guy just because he has a girlfriend.
She seems quite narrow-minded in thinking you can't be a friend to him because you are female.
In truth, it's not of this girl's business. Tell her to bugger off!

Reply 7

matchu

Sounds like someone's jealous.

Reply 8

hippieglitter

Ok, i admit it maybe i'm a bit jealous, not because i want him myself but because i used to be the first girl on his mind if he wanted someone to talk to or someone to go out for a drink with. That doesn;t mean i'm not happy for him, i think its great that he's found some one who makes him so happy. The hypocrytical thing about this girl is she thinks i should give up trying to be his friend cos he's got a girlfriend but i don't see her giving up on him. Maybe she is jealous cos he's got another best friend. I introduced him to his girlfriend maybe she wanted him. I dunno, but its not very nice.

Reply 9

Crazster

She's jelous too, he must be a great guy =).

Reply 10

hippieglitter

He's a wonderful friend, really amazing, i can't say what he's like as a boyfriend, but he seems be (lets hope, temporarily) blinded under the impression that his girlfriend is the only person in the world who matters and she can do no wrong in his eyes. I guess for her thats good.

Reply 11

Q.E.D

Being in a relationship does not mean that the rest of you life must grind to a halt. You still have friends, of both sexs, but that doesn't mean that you have feelings for them. His girlfriend is just possesive.

Reply 12

hippieglitter

Q.E.D

Again it wasn't his girlfriend who had ago at me, it was another of his friend of his who happens to be a girl. His girlfriend has no problem with me whatsoever.