Can anyone make sense of this? not sure what to do.

That's the background of what's happened. So again a week later I go round to his after work both sober this time he made me some food and a cup of tea. He's quite socially awkward so not the player type never gone home with a girl he met out (except me) always saying I'm out of his league and couldn't believe I went back with him. Isn't an initiator or confident in that way basically.

So we go to bed and again with the spooning and cuddling but no other moves to indicate he wanted to have sex even though he clearly did (if you catch my drift) so I initiated it. Kissed for a while and foreplay and stuff but he stopped me before we had sex saying that "we can't" when I asked why he said because I was an amazing girl he really didn't want to stop but he's not ready for sex right now (even though it's already happened) and he's emotionally detached which is why he broke up with his ex a few months back because he just stopped caring and he didn't want to be like that with me and I deserved more than that. Said he'll probably be ready soon. Also kept trying to find out if I was speaking to other people and kept giving me hints he wasn't even though I never asked.

I just can't make sense of that what on earth does he want? And what should I do?

Also says weird things like calls me darling and dear and tells me stuff I do is cute and adorable but then says I'm really attractive (in a sexual way) and how I make him laugh and stuff

He wants something serious, not a few cheap pointless shags. He's trying to sound you out about whether you want something similar. As far as the male gender go he sounds fairly decent as a human being I've got to say.

He wants it to develop into a relationship but is a bit awkward about the process and isn't really happy with it just being FWB even though that's what you agreed initially.

Him telling you he's not looking for anyone else is his way of saying he's available and wants an exclusive relationship with you.

His asking if you are speaking to other people is insecurity that you will find someone else in the meantime / not exclusively seeing him.

He's also scared of screwing things up with you especially because he can't believe you find him attractive enough to have sex with.

So he's put the ball in your court and waiting for you to decide one way or the other and hoping you will stick around because he hasn't worked out himself if it's too soon to start a new relationship after hos old one ended.

In a nutshell he wants a relationship but is worried if he just came out with it, you will finish with him and he doesn't know if he's ready or not yet or whether you think he may not be ready so soon after the last one ended.

I just don't understand why he would say he didn't want anything serious :/ although to be fair he didn't really know me well at all after the first time.

You've presented the situation in such a way as any person can only draw one conclusion from the events. I don't understand why you posted this unless you aren't revealing the full story.

Maybe you feel bad because you don't actually want a serious relationship with him but you know he does, which is bad form to carry on treating him like that fyi. And you pretend to be in denial when you obviously know exactly what is going on otherwise you wouldn't have painted such a clear picture for the reader.

Fear/nervousness. Society tells men they ought to behave in a certain way- e.g. a true 'man' doesn't display emotion or come across as sensitive. It's fairly obvious from the reason he broke up with his ex girlfriend that he is pretty emotionally sensitive; such things wouldn't bother a lot of guys. My guess would be he's terrified of seeming needy/desperate and facing rejection. Being rejected is never pleasant so you can't blame him for being protective against it.

Just a theory of course. You'll be able to see if it matches his personality and is actually right far better than I would.

Dunno, sounds like he's already decided he wants something relationshippy with you.

If you really need to know, then ask him in a simple conversation.

"What do you think this is between us? What do you want from it?".

let him say his piece then tell him where you stand.


It's pretty amateur to be so 'coupley' with a FwB, but maybe he is just like that (I don't see a harmless cuddle after sex for example as 'coupley' it's just something nice to do, but I try and not do it to avoid mixed messages).

Communication is key!