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Ex-Girlfriend And Mates
I have recently broken up with my girlfriend, we had been going out for two years and it was a serious relationship. We thought that we would be together forever, and we did love each other to bits. Sadly near the end of our relationship we came about some troubles and i didnt see it working out, along with the fact i wasnt in love with her anymore. I still love her, being that id do anything for her just not in a relationship.
We decided to be friends because we have always been very close, even before we starting see'ing each other and i wouldnt be able to get up in the morning to well if i knew i couldnt talk to her. So we still talk regularly on the phone and MSN while going out places together. Its difficult being as we went out for a long time but i wouldnt want to lose her so its the best i can do.
Anyway a good friend of mine found out about us spliting up and came round to see if i was ok and that everything was alright. After he went i got a phone call saying that my friend had text my ex see'ing if she was ok. I was fine with this as they had slightly known each other and hes a good guy and wanted to make sure everyone is holding up ok. About a week after we broke up my ex told me that he had started texting her a lot, i was a bit annoyed at this but didnt say anything. I am happy if she goes out with someone else, because i would like her to meet another guy so she could be happy again.
She then told me a few days later that he had started texting even more as well as talking to her for lengthy periods of time on MSN and on the phone. I started to get a little annoyed at this because my friend has blocked me on MSN so i wouldnt talk to him when he was talking to my ex. A few days ago my ex told me that my friend had told her that he wanted to become more than friends and he had felt like this for a long time but never did anything because of me. I dont think he realises that me and her or still good friends and talk a lot. She told him she doesnt want anything other than friendship but he said hell keep on trying untill she does, not in a forcefull way.
Im very upset because my friend hasnt even told me how he feels about my ex, and that he just trys to move in on her after only a very short period of time since we broke up. I dont have a problem with them going out but my friend is being all secrective about it, if he just asked me first then i would of said sure but just not yet. Do i have a right to be mad? Should i talk to him or just leave it and am i over reacting?
Sorry its so long once i get typing find it hard to stop =(
We decided to be friends because we have always been very close, even before we starting see'ing each other and i wouldnt be able to get up in the morning to well if i knew i couldnt talk to her. So we still talk regularly on the phone and MSN while going out places together. Its difficult being as we went out for a long time but i wouldnt want to lose her so its the best i can do.
Anyway a good friend of mine found out about us spliting up and came round to see if i was ok and that everything was alright. After he went i got a phone call saying that my friend had text my ex see'ing if she was ok. I was fine with this as they had slightly known each other and hes a good guy and wanted to make sure everyone is holding up ok. About a week after we broke up my ex told me that he had started texting her a lot, i was a bit annoyed at this but didnt say anything. I am happy if she goes out with someone else, because i would like her to meet another guy so she could be happy again.
She then told me a few days later that he had started texting even more as well as talking to her for lengthy periods of time on MSN and on the phone. I started to get a little annoyed at this because my friend has blocked me on MSN so i wouldnt talk to him when he was talking to my ex. A few days ago my ex told me that my friend had told her that he wanted to become more than friends and he had felt like this for a long time but never did anything because of me. I dont think he realises that me and her or still good friends and talk a lot. She told him she doesnt want anything other than friendship but he said hell keep on trying untill she does, not in a forcefull way.
Im very upset because my friend hasnt even told me how he feels about my ex, and that he just trys to move in on her after only a very short period of time since we broke up. I dont have a problem with them going out but my friend is being all secrective about it, if he just asked me first then i would of said sure but just not yet. Do i have a right to be mad? Should i talk to him or just leave it and am i over reacting?
Sorry its so long once i get typing find it hard to stop =(
do you still love this girl? if not, why does it bother you so much?
Firstly: you're not overreacting. I'd be pretty mad, and have been when my mate moved onto the person I fancied/been out with etc. So being angry is perfectly natural.
However, it's a little suspicious that he blocked you on msn. Maybe this was because he was unsure about how you'd react? Being nervous that he may loose you as a mate because you'd be annoyed he was chatting to your ex?
I think maybe you should talk to him about and try and convince him, that even though you might be angry at him inside, that you're not going to be mad at him in person because if he knows you're comfortable with it he'll tell you how he feels about your ex. Then, once he's finished you can explain to him how you feel. I think it's got to come from him first so then you see how the land lies. Then you can express your distaste or whatever for it.
Also it's important to know how your ex feels about your mate. I'm not sure if there's a diplomatic way of doing this. Maybe you could talk to her?
However, it's a little suspicious that he blocked you on msn. Maybe this was because he was unsure about how you'd react? Being nervous that he may loose you as a mate because you'd be annoyed he was chatting to your ex?
I think maybe you should talk to him about and try and convince him, that even though you might be angry at him inside, that you're not going to be mad at him in person because if he knows you're comfortable with it he'll tell you how he feels about your ex. Then, once he's finished you can explain to him how you feel. I think it's got to come from him first so then you see how the land lies. Then you can express your distaste or whatever for it.
Also it's important to know how your ex feels about your mate. I'm not sure if there's a diplomatic way of doing this. Maybe you could talk to her?
In my opinion you do have something to be annoyed at. He has muscled in when hes suppposed to be your mate, and the secrecy isnt helping. Particularly when youre still attached to her and you two were together for so long.
I think you should talk to him about it, hes not exactly been behaving like a friend to you so you havent got all that much to lose. If you dont say anything I think youl just get more and more frustrated.
At the end of the day though, whether its right or wrong you cant really stop them getting together when it was you that broke up with her in the first place, but you can sort your feelings towards him out.
I think you should talk to him about it, hes not exactly been behaving like a friend to you so you havent got all that much to lose. If you dont say anything I think youl just get more and more frustrated.
At the end of the day though, whether its right or wrong you cant really stop them getting together when it was you that broke up with her in the first place, but you can sort your feelings towards him out.
shes single, shes fair game.
However he should have at least told you and seen how you thought about it. And blocking you was a very "un-matey" move
However he should have at least told you and seen how you thought about it. And blocking you was a very "un-matey" move
I'd be annoyed with the secrecy. Text him or go and see him or something and just say that you know about him liking your ex and that you're fine with her moving on etc and that you're still friends with her, but that as a friend, you'd have hoped he'd have shown more respect by not being secretive about it as it looks like he's going behind your back and you'd appreciate his honesty in future. don't be confrontational but just tell him he doesn't need to block you etc and you feel he's not shown much respect for your friendship by doing what he's done and you'd have preferred if he'd have spoken to you in person.
What a bastard. I mean if he really did like her for a long time then I feel sorry for him a bit but it's such a stupid thing to do without talking to you about it or leaving it for a while so people could move on.
I'm in a similar situation to you and I'd be really annoyed if any of my friends started acting like that.
I'm in a similar situation to you and I'd be really annoyed if any of my friends started acting like that.
the friend is in the wrong. friends should never go out with friend's ex's. common sense. it all comes down to what she felt for the freind before the split though. she may have even split with you for him for all you know. find out whats going on dude
hey, the same thing kinda happened to me apart from my ex an suppossed best friend slept with each other, a couple of days after i told my 'best friend' i wanted my ex bak n all that...i was with him 3 years..
they denyed it for a couple of weeks, everyone else was telling me but i was stupid enough to beleive my 'best friend' ha
but anyways....don't let it show that its hurtin u, just act cool about it..yeh i no its harder said than done..
it is hard to stay in contact with them though, i forgave my 'best friend' for a while, it don't work it just ends up getting rubbed in yuor face all the time..ya just got to move on and forget about that...
thats what i did..doesn't work for everyone i guess..
try and talk to them about it, make them understand how you feel, it is hard and it can lead to arguements, but if they can understand, things might end up easier and stuff :-)
xx
they denyed it for a couple of weeks, everyone else was telling me but i was stupid enough to beleive my 'best friend' ha
but anyways....don't let it show that its hurtin u, just act cool about it..yeh i no its harder said than done..
it is hard to stay in contact with them though, i forgave my 'best friend' for a while, it don't work it just ends up getting rubbed in yuor face all the time..ya just got to move on and forget about that...
thats what i did..doesn't work for everyone i guess..
try and talk to them about it, make them understand how you feel, it is hard and it can lead to arguements, but if they can understand, things might end up easier and stuff :-)
xx
Laika
What a bastard. I mean if he really did like her for a long time then I feel sorry for him a bit but it's such a stupid thing to do without talking to you about it or leaving it for a while so people could move on.
I'm in a similar situation to you and I'd be really annoyed if any of my friends started acting like that.
I'm in a similar situation to you and I'd be really annoyed if any of my friends started acting like that.
Agree completely!
Laika
He's not IN love with her but he still loves her. That closeness doesn't just disappear when you've been together for two years. God, get with the programme will you.
Lol, my mom says that
My ex text him saying that she doesnt want anything to do with him in that way and if he keeps trying to get her then he'll lose me as a friend. He then rang her saying basically 'its worth losing him as a friend to gain you as a girlfriend' Am sure he didnt expect me to find that out and im just so angry with him that i have decided not to talk to him. Just thought id say as im a little upset at the moment that my friend of around seven years would rather have my ex than me as a friend and i needed to tell someone, people. Somehow typing it helps.
I don't know why you and your ex didn't have a chat and found out why your relationship was hitting a bad patch, because it happens to everyone, surely you could have least found what was going wrong.
But she is single now she is free to date who she pleases although i do think your friend is wrong here, but even if they got together i doubt they would last long.
But she is single now she is free to date who she pleases although i do think your friend is wrong here, but even if they got together i doubt they would last long.
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