This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Should I try to win her back?

My girlfriend and I split up about a month ago after 2 years together. The break up was quite peaceful and we agreed to stay friends afterwards. Basically we'd drifted apart from being like a couple, probably from spending so much time together (we were living together).

Since we split up though we've been having a lot more fun than we've had in a long time. There was also a brief period where we tried to get back together to see if it could work but it only lasted a few days before we agreed it might not be a good idea because she didn't know where she wanted it to lead. I have tried to tell her how I feel about getting back together but she seems to be having more fun having space and being single at the moment. But we get along a lot better than when we were together and have also slept together a few times as well, but basically she's saying she doesn't want a relationship with me again. But I'm still in love with her.

I want to get back together but I don't know whether I should make a move in case it ruins our chances of being friends. I sort of want to tell her exactly how I feel and maybe write her a letter or something. I know it might be hopeless but when you're getting on so well and still have feelings for eachother it seems like you shouldn't let go without a fight.

Am I being too optimistic?

Reply 1

slk999

15

You might be too optimistic. I think if you've already tried to be together after you've split up and you've called it quits again then maybe try and leave it at that. If you feel you can handle 'friends' then go for that, and perhaps slowly make it more distant so you don't get too upset at being more withdrawn from her. But I think a letter is out of the question. If anything it needs to come from you. A letter would suggest you're not very confident with the whole idea yourself, so getting her to be is nigh on impossible. Basically I'd talk to her and see where you two stand and maybe talk about the future. But if you're not going to reach how you were when you were together, it's definitely best to move on.

Reply 2

silverbolt

19

you've already tried it once, stay friends and have fun and move on. Mostly what your feeling is the loss of someone so close to you, i mean after two years together your bound to feel empty.
Gie it time before jumping back into anything

Reply 3

ladyportacabin

8

Aww, it doesn't sound like it's a good idea to be back together. You seem to have the chemistry which makes things fun and great at first, but any deeper commitment doesn't seem to work.

You could try writing the letter, asking her to try again. But I would suggest you go to Relate and try to work out what's going wrong. If you love someone that much it's worth a try.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

cielo

You might be too optimistic. I think if you've already tried to be together after you've split up and you've called it quits again then maybe try and leave it at that. If you feel you can handle 'friends' then go for that, and perhaps slowly make it more distant so you don't get too upset at being more withdrawn from her. But I think a letter is out of the question. If anything it needs to come from you.

Good point, I just though of the letter as a more romantic gesture and a welcome break from exhaustive talks about our relationship, as well as a chance to get all my thoughts out in one go without interruption. That was my thinking anyway.

When we tried to get back together it was more like a trial to 'see eachother', it's not that it went wrong, it just never got off the ground. That's what left me confused.

ladyportacabin

Aww, it doesn't sound like it's a good idea to be back together. You seem to have the chemistry which makes things fun and great at first, but any deeper commitment doesn't seem to work.

You could try writing the letter, asking her to try again. But I would suggest you go to Relate and try to work out what's going wrong. If you love someone that much it's worth a try.

We were really commited though. I think we became so commited and close that we lost the chemistry of when we first got together if you know what I mean. But now we're apart the chemistry has come back but she doesn't want the commitment anymore. It's weird.

Cadre_Of_Storms

you've already tried it once, stay friends and have fun and move on. Mostly what your feeling is the loss of someone so close to you, i mean after two years together your bound to feel empty.
Gie it time before jumping back into anything

Yeah maybe you're right but it's tempting to make another go of trying before it is too late. But it's risky.

Reply 5

slk999

15

Anonymous

Good point, I just thought of the letter as a more romantic gesture and a welcome break from exhaustive talks about our relationship, as well as a chance to get all my thoughts out in one go without interruption. That was my thinking anyway.

I doubt it'd be romantic. Perhaps if you left it a while before you talked to her again. And sure it won't be 'exhaustive' if you are trying to get her back?

Reply 6

username51346

'Win her back' ... where is your self respect man, get someone else.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

LiamP

'Win her back' ... where is your self respect man, get someone else.

It's just a figure of speech.

I could find someone else but I still like this one. :redface:

Reply 8

username47781

20

It sounds as if shes just not interested, you tried but its her loss if she don't want to go back out, i'd give it some time then maybe start seeing if there's any other girl you like.

Reply 9

kizer

15

I don't think she's not interested, I just think she needs to have some freedom and try new things before settling down. While she's enjoying it, trying to keep her tied down won't work. Give it time, and she might realise she would be happiest with you. Of course, she might not, but you'll find someone else!

Should I try to win her back?

Related discussions

Articles for you