So down and there's no reason for it (boring, not serious)

I wasn't going to post anon but then this turned into my life story somehow and I changed my mind.

So anyway, my mum's been away this week which has been great because I don't get on with her at all, and can't bring friends back while she's here because she's quite extreme in her religious views and there's nothing we'd be able to talk about or watch that she would agree with, and even though I could have people here and have her disapprove, she's still my mum and I care about her and she's not quite all there and tends to get really stressed out over nothing and take it out on me anyway. Usually I just stay on my own messing about on the internet, and talking to my friends online (that's my RL friends, not online friends) unless we go out, which is usually just every saturday because others have jobs. I am also normally bored and quite down for this reason.

Two of my best friends (and I don't have that many) have been staying here since Monday, and we've just been staying in, watching TV and listening to music and drinking and smoking a bit. We wanted to go out Tuesday but couldn't because a friend of my friend was having some problems and came down on the train so he stayed at mine too and he is underage, he was nice though and we still had a good time. We were meant to go out tonight, but one of my friends is too tired and the other doesn't fancy it (I think she's meeting a guy tonight) so I am here on my own.

I think it might just be the big difference between having my friends here and now being on my own, but I feel really really lonely bored and down. There's no reason to feel this bad, I mean I've been on my own plenty often enough before, and feel it more often than that because my mum is usually here and we have nothing in common, and I can't be myself (for one thing I am gay and she is homophobic due to the religion. She basically had a breakdown a few years back and my dad put her in an institution and she "found God" in there and has been crazy religious ever since, but still not right in the head, even though only I live with her so I don't think other people really see how bad it is.)

But yes. Is it normal to feel so depressed for no real reason? I've turned 18 recently, left school, should be happy. It happens often and there's no reason for it then either. I have quite a good life, a few really great friends, and nothing seriously wrong with it. It makes me feel quite guilty - I have no right to feel this way when I have it good compared to others. I don't feel suicidal or anything, and I don't think I have actual depression so there's no real reason to go to the doctor, especially as my dad is one and it would get back to him I think. Plus it would be difficult to do it secretly (mum is back tomorrow).

I also have a pretty addictive personality, and had a bit of a drinking problem when I was about 12-16, then developed an eating disorder (anorexic) out of nowhere, but managed to keep it pretty secret and when I saw what was happening I dealt with it myself, and just sort of worked my way through it. Parents did notice something was up towards the end though (was ridiculously thin before I even knew what was happening, like 75 pounds). I managed to get over it within about a year and a half and definitely do not have that problem anymore. It was like an addiction though, nothing to with control. I just couldn't stop myself, you know? I still drink quite a lot now and do drugs when I can get them (not heroin or anything, soft drugs).

But yes. Sorry that got so involved (and dull), but does anyone else get like this? Is it just normal? It's horrible. I want to just drink until I am wasted out of my skull, but I know that's a stupid idea and would be really sad since I'm on my own.

I'm a girl, btw.

Reply 1

sarahb

it sounds as though when youve had friends round, youve been on a constant high and having a great time, and now being alone again is just simply boring for you, and you miss the fun you were havin. id say its prety normal! dont wory about it, after a few days alone again youl get used to it again and life wil go back to normal!

i wouldnt advice getin completely wasted, but a nice drink may help you to cheer up :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Yes, I reckon you're probably right. It is definitely good to hear somebody else say it though - thank you. :smile:

Drink seems to have helped a bit.

Reply 3

sarahb

Anonymous

Yes, I reckon you're probably right. It is definitely good to hear somebody else say it though - thank you. :smile:

Drink seems to have helped a bit.

no probs, realy dont wory :wink:

out of interest what drink did u have?! i realy fancy a malibu and coke right now!! :biggrin:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

A leftover jelly "shot" (don't have any shot glasses so used plastic cups) and a vodka and lemonade.

Reply 5

silverbolt

try pear cider
i ahd it for the first time last week and its nice

Reply 6

BobMob

Do be careful with the drinking, I have an addictive personality too - I can get hooked on anything - and I developed quite a drinking problem over the last year. I've kicked it now, by total abstinence for a couple months, and I'm drinking occasionally now.

I feel similarly to you as well with the depression thing, I get it really mildly when I'm on my own and there's nothing to distract my thoughts. It seems stupid because I really have everything going for me, I'm so much better off than most people I'd say, and I see people much less fortunate than me feeling happy and fine.

It's not really a major feeling, but it comes and goes. I think the best thing to do is focus on your good points and try to keep yourself distracted.
I find that drinking helps while you're pissed, but the next day you might feel even lower.

Is there anyone you can talk to about your deepest feelings?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Is there anyone you can talk to about your deepest feelings?

Heh, not really. I haven't told anybody about all the stuff I wrote up there, I'm just not that kind of person I guess. I don't like to talk about feelings at all.

Yeah, I think I'll have to be careful with the drinking for the rest of my life, probably. I can get really carried away with it, and can completely see myself being an alcoholic or a junkie one day (not good). I did the abstinence thing too a couple of years ago when I was really depressed, but have picked it up again, especially since I can go out with ID now (and could get in before anyway). It's just hard not to drink when alcohol makes you so happy.

I know how you feel about the addictive thing too. I can get hooked on anything as well - I even got hooked on peanut butter for a while! Absolutely ridiculous.

Being distracted certainly helps, but right now there's not a whole lot to distract me. I'm hoping things will get better at uni.

Cheers for your post, nice (well, not really but you know what I mean) knowing that other people feel the same way. :smile: