Gay and Straight guys...I need your help. Girls also... Watch

bestofyou
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#1
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My stupid sexuality is really getting me down lately. The problem is that I don't know what it is. People always talk about 'embrace who you are' blah blah and all the other cringe worthy and cliche lines people come out. The problem is, I can't embrace it...I don't want to, I don't know what it is I would even be embracing.

I am attracted to females.

The problem is that I've lately started to question if the attraction I feel is the same as straight guys.

Sometimes I wonder if the attraction I feel for females is even remotely sexual (well not quite, I do get aroused, but I wonder if the arousal is the same as a normal guy would have). Which is why I'd like to ask straight guys what it is that gets the aroused when thinking about a female. Eg is it the dominating position etc etc?

I rarely see a guy I am attracted to, if I do it is more in a 'wish I had hair/legs/facial hair etc etc like that' sense as opposed to 'wow I'd love to have sex with him'. If it isn't in an envious kind of way then it is more along the lines of 'yeah he's a handsome guy', but I never visualize having sex or anything, I really have to force that upon myself...just to see what my reaction would be. I'm wondering how this differs from how females or gay guys are when they see guys they are attracted to.

I have this theory on gay males, one that I pretty much thought of when I was in a paranoid state (intoxicated). It is basically that there are two types of gay man:

Type 1:

These men are essentially indistinguishable from other men, large build, body hair etc. They take the dominant position during sex, thus they are aroused by dominating, so it is possible for them to have sex with females.

Type 2:

Not necessarily distinguishable from other guys, but they often tend to be the 'typical' gay, camp etc.

They'd have a slim/skinny/lean build with little/barely noticeable body hair. Aroused by being dominated by another man. Thus as they prefer to take on the role of the female, it is hard to impossible for them to have sex with women, not because the female isn't attracted to them, but because they simply cannont dominate a female and be aroused by it.



I'd just like to ask gay people whether this idea seem credible or if it is total rubbish?

I'm sorry if this may come across as ignorant. The problem is just that I cannot find these answers alone, the internet is full of gossip magazine type manure so asking direct questions is the only way.

I've been depressed for quite some time now and I'm sure that this issue is at the core of it.

If it was as simple as being attracted to men and enjoying sex with them, even if it was the 'type 2' guy described above, I don't think I'd care, I would have likely embraced it long ago.

The problem is that I feel like I should be a normal man. I am attracted to females after all, the hurdle comes once I get into the bedroom.

There is little worse in relationships than to experience a real strong attraction to someone but to stumble at the end. Watching someone I really like and who I know I could have loved (and for them to have loved me back), just to walk away, to tell you they don't want to do this anymore, all that is hard enough. But to then think that they will go on to have a boyfriend, a husband, have children etc to be able to forget about me..it ****ing kills me inside. It makes me hate myself. Because I feel that if a few of the chemical reactions in my body where slightly different, I know that one of those girls could have been the one I made my wife, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

This has happened several times in the past, I moved on and cared little. But lately it has been a problem as I'm wondering if it is perhaps more than just anxiety that is keeping me from having sex with the females I like. The last time one of these woman walked out of my life it ****ing broke me, not so much because I 'loved' her (I didn't) or anything, but because of what I said above, about how maybe one day I would have, and maybe I may have spent the rest of my life with her...but all that came to nothing, she will forget I ever existed and, marry and start a family someplace and it was all my fault.


Any advice is much appreciated, at this rate I'll be happy for anything.

It's becoming too heavy.
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bestofyou
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It's getting dark too dark to see...
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IFoundWonderland
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Why didn't you just say "everyone.. I need your help"?
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P-121
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Regarding your theories:

As a gay guy i would probably associate with type 1 much more then type 2. However, type 1 describes a bisexual person, which i am not. I think all gay guys can physically have sex with a woman, but of course they choose not to. So your issue may be irrelevant to any attraction towards males.

Just to clarify, do you identify as straight or bi? Or are you unsure right now?

if you identify as straight, then it sounds like you could possibly be Asexual. Ever considered this?
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bestofyou
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(Original post by P-121)
Regarding your theories:

As a gay guy i would probably associate with type 1 much more then type 2. However, type 1 describes a bisexual person, which i am not. I think all gay guys can physically have sex with a woman, but of course they choose not to. So your issue may be irrelevant to any attraction towards males.

Just to clarify, do you identify as straight or bi? Or are you unsure right now?

if you identify as straight, then it sounds like you could possibly be Asexual. Ever considered this?
I'd probably identify as being bi. I prefer women and thus tend to go for them more often. However my worry is that the 'gay part' of my bisexuality would fit the type 2 description (loosely) and it makes me 'incompatible' with women and possibly to the extent that I am unable to get aroused like straight men while I am with women, making it hard to have sex with them and ultimately have a relationship with them

Yes I have considered asexuality, and I'm 99% sure that is what I am not (assuming I have the correct understanding). I have a normal sex drive (maybe even high), but it is just that when I'm with a woman I can't seem to get aroused sometimes; when I am, I worry it will fade not long after we get started. The thing is even when watching straight porn I can't seem to get aroused the same way I would if I watched, say shemale porn for example, (most gay porn will do much less in terms of arousal than straight porn). That's another thing that confuses me, how I can have sex with very feminine looking pre-op (maybe post-op but never tried it) transgenders with ease but when it comes to real women (who sometimes aren't even as hot) I can't seem to get to that same level of arousal. What worries me about that is I can tell whether it is anxiety blocking it, or if I simply am not aroused because females just don't do it for me? So sorry for the ramble, but yeah I doubt I'm asexual.

So why don't you choose to be with women? Is it because you simply aren't attracted to them? I mean that in terms of simply sex, not relationships. Like for example would you ever go for a woman and she was over at your place, do you think that you could be aroused enough to have sex with her several times that night, say maybe 4-5 times in one night?
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Lewk
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Up until I was 18-19 I didn't see guys in a sexual way, but rather just 'cute'. But then i finally decided to give in and admit to myself i was gay, since it was that, or asexuality... :gasp:. Since then my attraction towards guys has increased and i do have sexual thoughts, but i am still a lil' confused, even at 23, i have only had sex twice and have very little desire for it, yet a very strong desire for intimacy, kissing/holding hands, emotional intimacy etc. Needless to say, that doesn't get me very far with relationships.
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ChickenMadness
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does your **** get hard when you look at naked men? what about naked women?

thank me later OP
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Oats
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(Original post by bestofyou)
My stupid sexuality is really getting me down lately. The problem is that I don't know what it is. People always talk about 'embrace who you are' blah blah and all the other cringe worthy and cliche lines people come out. The problem is, I can't embrace it...I don't want to, I don't know what it is I would even be embracing.

I am attracted to females.

The problem is that I've lately started to question if the attraction I feel is the same as straight guys.

Sometimes I wonder if the attraction I feel for females is even remotely sexual (well not quite, I do get aroused, but I wonder if the arousal is the same as a normal guy would have). Which is why I'd like to ask straight guys what it is that gets the aroused when thinking about a female. Eg is it the dominating position etc etc?

I rarely see a guy I am attracted to, if I do it is more in a 'wish I had hair/legs/facial hair etc etc like that' sense as opposed to 'wow I'd love to have sex with him'. If it isn't in an envious kind of way then it is more along the lines of 'yeah he's a handsome guy', but I never visualize having sex or anything, I really have to force that upon myself...just to see what my reaction would be. I'm wondering how this differs from how females or gay guys are when they see guys they are attracted to.

I have this theory on gay males, one that I pretty much thought of when I was in a paranoid state (intoxicated). It is basically that there are two types of gay man:

Type 1:

These men are essentially indistinguishable from other men, large build, body hair etc. They take the dominant position during sex, thus they are aroused by dominating, so it is possible for them to have sex with females.

Type 2:

Not necessarily distinguishable from other guys, but they often tend to be the 'typical' gay, camp etc.

They'd have a slim/skinny/lean build with little/barely noticeable body hair. Aroused by being dominated by another man. Thus as they prefer to take on the role of the female, it is hard to impossible for them to have sex with women, not because the female isn't attracted to them, but because they simply cannont dominate a female and be aroused by it.



I'd just like to ask gay people whether this idea seem credible or if it is total rubbish?

I'm sorry if this may come across as ignorant. The problem is just that I cannot find these answers alone, the internet is full of gossip magazine type manure so asking direct questions is the only way.

I've been depressed for quite some time now and I'm sure that this issue is at the core of it.

If it was as simple as being attracted to men and enjoying sex with them, even if it was the 'type 2' guy described above, I don't think I'd care, I would have likely embraced it long ago.

The problem is that I feel like I should be a normal man. I am attracted to females after all, the hurdle comes once I get into the bedroom.

There is little worse in relationships than to experience a real strong attraction to someone but to stumble at the end. Watching someone I really like and who I know I could have loved (and for them to have loved me back), just to walk away, to tell you they don't want to do this anymore, all that is hard enough. But to then think that they will go on to have a boyfriend, a husband, have children etc to be able to forget about me..it ****ing kills me inside. It makes me hate myself. Because I feel that if a few of the chemical reactions in my body where slightly different, I know that one of those girls could have been the one I made my wife, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

This has happened several times in the past, I moved on and cared little. But lately it has been a problem as I'm wondering if it is perhaps more than just anxiety that is keeping me from having sex with the females I like. The last time one of these woman walked out of my life it ****ing broke me, not so much because I 'loved' her (I didn't) or anything, but because of what I said above, about how maybe one day I would have, and maybe I may have spent the rest of my life with her...but all that came to nothing, she will forget I ever existed and, marry and start a family someplace and it was all my fault.


Any advice is much appreciated, at this rate I'll be happy for anything.

It's becoming too heavy.
Wow this is scarily like the problem I'm having right now - I keep seeing random guys and going "oh they're pretty attractive" but then if I've ever thought about doing stuff with them it just really makes me go ew :nooo:

I think I'll always prefer girls because mmmph boobs and general hotness but i was confused as to whether I'm bi seeing as I find some guys good looking or I'm just randomly bicurious and it's normal :dontknow:

Guess it'd be pretty good to be bi, ultimate choice :sly:
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P-121
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So why don't you choose to be with women? Is it because you simply aren't attracted to them? I mean that in terms of simply sex, not relationships. Like for example would you ever go for a woman and she was over at your place, do you think that you could be aroused enough to have sex with her several times that night, say maybe 4-5 times in one night?

Well, I'm 95% sure that i am gay - I suppose it may happen, but 4-5 times in one night, most likely not. I suppose it would depend on if i was intoxicated and if i could even be aroused at that point.
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