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Did my girlfriend cheat or me or was she molested?

My girlfriend went visiting her friends back at uni and they went out. She was staying at a good male friends house, who I know quite well too. This guy is a very funny guy, quite silly and a little camp but this is why girls love him. He's a massive player and usually dates many girls at once.

Anyways my gf and him are very good friends and I know she loves him as a friend. They've never had anything going on between them though, although I know my girlfriend finds him attractive (because I once asked her).

So they went out, got drunk and then went back to his place in the early hours as planned. My girlfriend had a bed in another room in that house. She went to sleep, but then this guy came to her room and wouldnt stop chatting with her.

My girlfriend said she wants to go to sleep now, but he didn't listen and got really close to her and started hugging (he does this with everyone) but then he kissed her. After the kiss she went a little further and told him he really wants to go so sleep now and then he left and went to his own room.

My girlfriend only told me about this about a month after it had happened.

Do you think my girlfriend cheated on me, or was she molested?

Reply 1

Scott.

Neither, and what a weird thread.

Reply 2

zjs

Neither.

He tried to kiss her and she shrugged it off.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Scott.

Neither, and what a weird thread.

Yeah should have named it differently it sounds like something much worse!

Original post by zjs

Neither.

He tried to kiss her and she shrugged it off.

But they did kiss, I mean she didnt really walk away from it until after.

Reply 4

Musie Suzie

Well, the fact that she told you a month after it happened suggests that it was playing on her mind/she felt guilty - how did she present it when telling you about it? Did she apologise/sound like she thought she had done wrong? Or was it just matter-of-fact?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Musie Suzie

She mentioned when we were arguing a few months ago and talking about some issues with our relationship - and said she was too scared to tell me before.

Reply 6

Musie Suzie

Original post by Anonymous

She mentioned when we were arguing a few months ago and talking about some issues with our relationship - and said she was too scared to tell me before.

Ok - so either she thinks she did wrong or that you will think so, or both. Assuming she tolerated the kiss for longer than she should have before pushing the guy away, do you think she cheated? Would you think you had cheated if you did the same thing?

Reply 7

Zarek

Low grade cheating I would say if she reciprocated. I would be a touch pissed off to be honest. Was her motive for telling you spiteful?

Reply 8

joker12345

Depends. If she didn't push him off, she cheated. If she did she didn't cheat but neither was she molested as he left her alone when she rejected his advances.

Ditch the bitch

Original post by Musie Suzie

I'm not sure if I feel like she cheated, because I really did not care at all. If I would've done the same thing I would think of it as cheating.

Original post by Zarek

Low grade cheating I would say if she reciprocated. I would be a touch pissed off to be honest. Was her motive for telling you spiteful?

Not spiteful no, she was really upset about it and scared of my reaction. To her and my own surprise, I just didn't care at all! I mean normally I would be expected to punch the guy who did it as is also quite disrespectful from his part as he knows me, however I'm not even really angry at the guy. Some friends said to me that I should punch the guy but I don't wanna cause any more drama. Besides, not a very adult way of dealing with things..

I think the reason I dont mind is because now if the same happened to me some night out I would feel less bad.

Reply 11

Zarek

Original post by Anonymous

I'm not sure if I feel like she cheated, because I really did not care at all. If I would've done the same thing I would think of it as cheating.

Not spiteful no, she was really upset about it and scared of my reaction. To her and my own surprise, I just didn't care at all! I mean normally I would be expected to punch the guy who did it as is also quite disrespectful from his part as he knows me, however I'm not even really angry at the guy. Some friends said to me that I should punch the guy but I don't wanna cause any more drama. Besides, not a very adult way of dealing with things..

I think the reason I dont mind is because now if the same happened to me some night out I would feel less bad.

Understand. Think I could forgive. We don't live in a perfect world, whatever sanctimonious folk might say.

Reply 12

xSor

Original post by Anonymous

Based on what you said, or at least what she said. It was as if the guy just jumped onto her and kissed her - its not really cheating.. e.g you was drunk.. I was drunk... I suddenly turned my head and kissed you
which:
1) you would not be able to dodge
2) your only choice is to kiss back or stop

And it sounds as if your girlfriend did stop, unless she lied and continued etc.

Reply 13

Chicken.M.

Would dump personally.

You know she's embellishing the truth :rolleyes:

Reply 14

Lelcats

Original post by Anonymous

What does that mean exactly? Did the physical contact escalate to one of a more sexual nature? Please elaborate

Reply 15

awe

Original post by Anonymous

I think the reason I dont mind is because now if the same happened to me some night out I would feel less bad.

Firstly, that's a terrible reason to not mind. P: I can't really comprehend it unless you have an immature relationship, but it doesn't sound too much like that from the rest of your posts... but seriously, this is a strange way to see it and I would wonder why you're preemptively excusing yourself, however lightly, from a future error.

I think you should sit with your partner and ask her to be honest. Really, absolutely, stress that you need the truth from her. Tell her that if she lies, the relationship has soured, even if you don't know it, and she shouldn't continue with the relationship if she is willing to sour it. And then just ask her honestly if she believes that she cheated. Make it comfortable, focus on the fact that the truth is what you want not the 'right' answer. This is what I have done in the past and it makes me feel the most satisfied with an answer and builds up the idea that the relationship needs honesty to stay 'strong'. Just my suggestion.

Reply 16

Georgie_M

She should have told u straight away but she was probably worried about your reaction, I say give her the benefit of the doubt. If she did do anything why on earth would she make that up? It would just be drawing attention to that night.