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being sexually harrassed by friend (ex bf)

I live near my ex boyfriend and we are still good friends, and he's stayed up at uni for the summer like me, so because we live near each other we tend to see each other quite often. My current bf has gone home for the summer.

Now my ex is always a bit cheeky and makes innuendo jokes but I'm starting to feel like now my bf isn't around, his comments have become a bit more direct and aimed at me rather than his usual dirty humour.

I walk past his house to get to work and yesterday I'd just passed his house and a text came through saying "check how that a*se moves down (name of his road) :wink:". Fair enough. I texted him back saying he was cheeky and he asked if I'd come out with him in the evening. I couldn't as I'm in work tomorrow but as my flatmates have gone home for the weekend I didn't want to be left alone in the house so I said he could come round and I'd cook him dinner.

Anyway he came round and we had a good laugh and he was just - well, himself, a bit cocky but charming enough and he does make me laugh. When I was bringing dessert I asked whether he wanted cheesecake or fruit salad and he said he 'wouldn't mind tucking into those melons' blatently staring down my top, and just after he had to go off to meet his mates in the pub I stood up to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and he lifted me off the ground, spun me round, and squeezed my a*se!

Then I spoke to him a bit on msn before I went to bed and he said he'd sneakily snapped a picture on his phone up my skirt under the table while we were eating and I was 'sitting like a slag' with my legs open. I thought it was just him winding me up but then he said I was wearing a black thong (which was right). He was teasing me that I must have been subconsciously wanting some because of how I was sitting but at the end of the day when you're having tea you don't expect people to be able to see under the table so concealing your underwear isn't a priority?

I don't know whether he's trying to flirt with me or thinks there's a chance with my bf off the scene but this has upset me now, I went to a lot of effort to make him his tea and he takes pictures up my skirt and then laughs at me about it afterwards. The complicating factor is we are very close in other ways and even though we've split up I have always hoped we would stay friends because we get on really easily and naturally and he has looked after me at times.

He's texted me today saying 'morning fiesty, thanx 4 the beautiful catering and even more gorgeous waitress, is she wearing knickers or a thong today :wink: " I mean....it's like he thinks he's my boyfriend.

The problem is I was really enjoying having him around this summer up till this last few days :confused: :frown:

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i would steer well clear. If i was your bf i would dump you if you contiuned being friends with ur ex if he acted like that..
Reply 2
Does your boyfriend know about this? If not, maybe you not telling him is because you know it isn't right.

This guy sounds like a complete sleeze and quite frankly if someone acted that way towards me then they'd not be in my flat for much longer. Women shouldn't be treated like dirt.
Reply 3
my boyfriend knows him but one problem is the first time they met each other I just introduced my ex as a "friend" from uni rather than saying he was my ex, because I didn't want my bf being funny towards him, now the two of them get on quite well, play pro evo together and so on, so I would feel awkward about telling my bf as he probably wouldn't believe it.

And i know what you mean, if Id read this post from someone else I'd have said he sounded like an idiot and not worth bothering, the problem is me and him have known each other for ages and he's one of my bst friends. He's always been a bit dirty but I didn't mind, its just recently he's begun to harrass me. I think one problem is a month or so back we were talking about when we first met and I said that I'd thought he was gorgeous and really friendly which is why I really liked him - obv I was referring to THEN. But he seems to have taken it as a flirting thing and I have a suspicion he is working up to trying to get me to sleep with him over this summer
Reply 4
How long were you together?
Reply 5
Sounds like a right prick to me. Stop making dinners for ex-boyfriends while your current boyfriend is away!
Tell your boyfriend the truth about him, that he is your ex. Also tell him this part: "I just introduced my ex as a "friend" from uni rather than saying he was my ex, because I didn't want my bf being funny towards him," I'm sure your boyfriend will understand if that was the case.

You also didn't mention how you reacted when he made the comment about the lemons and the spinning you around thing. What did you say afterwards? Did you just ignore it, or what? Tell him this is unacceptable and that it could jepordise his and your boyfriend's friendship, not to mention your relationship with your boyfriend.
Reply 7
sounds like a legend and also sounds like u still fancy him
Honestly im not surpised he is going this! You are practicaly leading him on, like this text, instead of shutting him up you say hes being cheeky, which cna easily be interpreted as flirting!

After all this you invite him around for you to cook for him.

Not once do you tell him you have a problem with what he is doing, not once do you shut him up or stop him from doing what he is doing.

It would not suprise me if as said above you like him but also you are totaly bringing this on yourself, despite the fact that the guy sounds like a total prick.
Reply 9
Okay, so the guy took a photo up your skirt whilst you were eating dinner - he then said you were sat like a slag. He sounds absolutely revolting. No matter what he used to be like, it's totally unacceptable and you should tell him not to talk to you until he's learned some manners, unless he wants to lose you as a friend.
Reply 10
Well Im glad youve confirmed that his behaviour is well out of order and I feel more confident about taking him on about it. To put it in context, the reason it is difficult is that he hasn't just started being risque out of the blue, me and him have always shared dirty jokes and innuendos etc and I generally found it funny until recently he has focused it all on me in a very sexually unnerving way. I feel he is pushing boundaries that he's never done before and aside from what the effect is on me I'm actually worried about him being like this as a person, I mean whats going to happen if he gets a job and starts doing that to a girl in his office?

Now then, regarding my boyfriend and ex, this is a problem now because they've known each other for 6 months and I regret not telling my bf that we were a former couple because now it seems too late to come out and admit it. My bf isn't really into the same sort of music/clubs/gigs as me, whereas my ex is, so sometimes if I want to go out somewhere which isn't by bf's scene, he lets me go with my ex and doesn't get paranoid about it (which he might if he knew). In fact my bf sometimes volunteers my ex to take me!

I'm worried that if I told my bf that we were an ex couple he would get angry about it but also I feel stupid about telling him what my ex is doing at the moment because I really don't feel he would believe me. The two of them are from the same city and go drinking together when I'm not around and I've just been on my bf's facebook and his wall is full of messages in the last day of them talking to each other about who the new Aston Villa manager is, its rubbing it in my face that at the same time my ex is harrasing me, he is having a big love in with my bf on facebook. And I sent my bf a message and he hasn't replied to that one :frown:

I feel like my ex is bullying me and I've not told anybody other than on here about it because I'm embarrased and also *everybody* likes my ex he has friends everywhere. Aside from all of this though the biggest thing that's upset me is that my ex has always been one of my best friends and so whilst it would be easy just to tell him what I want to (that he's a pervert and a bully and I'm never going to talk to him again), it feels horrible that I have to do that and not have him around any more, why can't he just go back to the way he was? :frown:
Jelkin
Okay, so the guy took a photo up your skirt whilst you were eating dinner - he then said you were sat like a slag. He sounds absolutely revolting. No matter what he used to be like, it's totally unacceptable and you should tell him not to talk to you until he's learned some manners, unless he wants to lose you as a friend.


Thats certainly true, but dont you think that the way she is acting is encouraging him?
DO NOT tell your boyfreind. He will feel stupid that he was saying go with this guy and might get angry aswell. Just give your ex an ultimatem, 'shut the hell up or p!ss off.'
Jelkin
Okay, so the guy took a photo up your skirt whilst you were eating dinner - he then said you were sat like a slag. He sounds absolutely revolting. No matter what he used to be like, it's totally unacceptable and you should tell him not to talk to you until he's learned some manners, unless he wants to lose you as a friend.


That is totally is out of order.He has not right to treat like, that its totally is unacceptable.
dunno if its actually sexual harrasment, but he sounds like a right jerk, and you should question your friendship because hes treating you like dirt, this has nothing to do with you boyfriend. you should tell him to **** off because you don't like being treated like that, for your own self respect.
Reply 15
yo this guy sounds like a proper ****** yall, shizle
Reply 16
Hmmm for some reason you don't want to cut all ties with him, like most people have suggested. Are you sure you're over him?

Maybe talk to him, seeing as you don't want to blcok him out your life. Tell him the way he's treating you is making you upset and if he's as close a friend as you say,he'll stop. If he doesn't then don't keep in contact with him.

As for your current boyfriend, I think you should tell him that the other guy is your ex, yeah things might be a bit frosty afterwards but he'll appreciate that you can tell him the truth, and if you explain why you lied in the first place, he might understand.
Gem
Hmmm for some reason you don't want to cut all ties with him, like most people have suggested. Are you sure you're over him?

Maybe talk to him, seeing as you don't want to blcok him out your life. Tell him the way he's treating you is making you upset and if he's as close a friend as you say,he'll stop. If he doesn't then don't keep in contact with him.

As for your current boyfriend, I think you should tell him that the other guy is your ex, yeah things might be a bit frosty afterwards but he'll appreciate that you can tell him the truth, and if you explain why you lied in the first place, he might understand.


I agree with Gem, but i would also add maybe your not sure what you really want/
Reply 18
well, to clarify - I am 'over' him in the sense that it was me who instigated the break up in the first place, and I have been 'over' him ever since I had my current bf, however you are right I don't want to cut off all ties with him as he's my 'going out friend', he's into the same stuff as me and we always have a good laugh together, so it would feel terrible not to have that any more

I've ignored his text today and I think thats how I will deal with it for a while, give him the silent treatment until he comes asking whats wrong and then I'll say I'm not bothering with him because he's a pervert and an idiot. I think, knowing him, that underneath the stubbornness and arrogance he will know when he's done something thats bothered me and he will behave. Heres hoping
Anonymous

I feel like my ex is bullying me and I've not told anybody other than on here about it because I'm embarrased and also *everybody* likes my ex he has friends everywhere. Aside from all of this though the biggest thing that's upset me is that my ex has always been one of my best friends and so whilst it would be easy just to tell him what I want to (that he's a pervert and a bully and I'm never going to talk to him again), it feels horrible that I have to do that and not have him around any more, why can't he just go back to the way he was? :frown:


Well don't tell him that he's a pervert and a bully whom you will never talk to again. Just tell him he is going over the top and would he calm down a bit with the jokes. If he refuses to, try saying it again and if he refuses a second time, THEN tell him he's a perverted bastard and you don't want to talk to him again. And I think you should tell your boyfriend that he's your ex as honesty is the best policy and surely he'll understand why you didn't tell him
before (though be prepared for him to be a bit huffy for a few days). And you should definetely tell him how innappropriate your ex's behaviour has been recently.