The Student Room Group

I've been chucked out of the house

Someone please give me some advice, because I am in such a stressful situation. To cut a long story short, I had one massive argument with my mum too many, and she said last night that she wants me to leave. I'm starting university next month and I was supposed to be living at home,but it looks like I'm going to go into halls afterall. Anyway, I was really angry last night and told her that I was definately leaving, she said that everyone had had enough of me so that was it. I went to bed upset, but this morning I thought it would be ok, she'd have calmed down and I would stay.
So much for that. I was just leaving to get the bus into town when she went into my room and said "you said some horrible things last night and i know you don't want to say sorry, so I think you should go. I'm cutting all ties and don't want to speak to you again."
That was it. I went into town and booked 14 nights at a youth hostel, starting tomorrow night. I am so scared, I'm trying hard not to break down but I've just lost my family, and I haven't done anything wrong. I've never been by myself before. The only thing I've got is my job for money, and University next month. I'm going to have to live off a shoestring to pay the rent, it's going to be so difficult. Please someone advise me what to do. Where can I go for help?

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Anonymous
Someone please give me some advice, because I am in such a stressful situation. To cut a long story short, I had one massive argument with my mum too many, and she said last night that she wants me to leave. I'm starting university next month and I was supposed to be living at home,but it looks like I'm going to go into halls afterall. Anyway, I was really angry last night and told her that I was definately leaving, she said that everyone had had enough of me so that was it. I went to bed upset, but this morning I thought it would be ok, she'd have calmed down and I would stay.
So much for that. I was just leaving to get the bus into town when she went into my room and said "you said some horrible things last night and i know you don't want to say sorry, so I think you should go. I'm cutting all ties and don't want to speak to you again."
That was it. I went into town and booked 14 nights at a youth hostel, starting tomorrow night. I am so scared, I'm trying hard not to break down but I've just lost my family, and I haven't done anything wrong. I've never been by myself before. The only thing I've got is my job for money, and University next month. I'm going to have to live off a shoestring to pay the rent, it's going to be so difficult. Please someone advise me what to do. Where can I go for help?


Hmm :rolleyes: Bit of contradiction there? Maybe if you didn't say to your Mum that you wanted to go, then who knows...
Reply 2
She told me to leave so I agreed that I would. I haven't done anything wrong to make her chuck me out, she just says "everyone's had enough"
Reply 3
Surely you've got family/friends to live with temporarily?
Reply 4
I'm sorry that you are going through all this stress and I hope that everything ends up working out alright but I think firstly you need to acknowledge what you did wrong because from what you said and how upset your mom seems to be you couldn't have not done anything wrong. Give your mom the day to cool off and after you've thought about everything, try going home and talking things over with her and apologize for where you went wrong. One simple apology can go a long way and it really won't cost you anything to do. It's better to just say sorry to your mom than lose your entire family. I'm sure she's not 100% right either and hopefully she will realize that too. If it doesn't work out at the end, i'm sure there are benefits and help you are entitled to to help you throughout university.
oh wow.
i guess the youth hostel sofar is a good thing.
do you have any siblings? your dad? cousins uncles aunts etc who are also family and are not throwing you out? maybe you could talk to them.
if the fighting with your mom has been going on for a longer time, maybe its better and healthier not to be home. but i mean you are her child. so deep down im sure she loves you and you love her right? a short note of apology saying sorry or something...youll be takeing the first step.yes it will be hard to swallow your pride and all, but itll show your the stronger one in the relationship. im pretty sure she will later on come around as you are her child and she was really mad in that moment.
if uni starts in a month i guess until then the youth hostel isnt bad. maybe if you look for a job till then? something simple that pays so you can have some money on the side. if you needed more money you could then also tutor other students.
im sorry to hear this...its sad :frown:
i hope everything turns out okay
take care.
Reply 6
Maybe giveher some space. Go tothe youth hostel fora few nights, leave things cool off, thentry and talk to her? From your point of view you may not have done anything wrong, but she probably see's you have because you don't get thrown out for no reason. So think about what you've done to offend her so badly, and apologise perhaps?
Reply 7
That's awful...feel really sorry for you! Does your dad live with you at home, or have you got any brothers or sisters? Can they not stick up for you or talk to your mum? Perhaps if your grandparents are around you could stay with them for a little while?

I think it must have been a spur of the moment thing for your mum to say she never wants to have anything to do with you again - I don't think she can really mean that, you're her child. Have you always had a difficult relationship? What was the argument about, if you don't mind me asking? It might help to know whether it's something that can be sorted by apologising or something (I know you don't want to have to say sorry if you've done nothing wrong, but sometimes you just have to be the bigger person and say sorry to rectify the situation if the other person's being unreasonable).

If your mum won't speak to you by phone or anything, and you feel you can, maybe write a letter or note explaining your point of view and post it through your letter box?

Hope things get better for you.
Reply 8
Thanks, but I don't have anyone else to stay with. My mum likes to gossip about me to the whole family, I'm constantly talked about. I don't trust anybody in my family, they're so fake. My friends all have their own lives, I'm just going to stay in the youth hostel. At least I've got my job to go to and plenty of money from my savings. I've never done this before but I have to look forward to going into halls.
Reply 9
Even if your whole family's 'fake,' you probably don't wanna lose them forever. Maybe in a few days your mum will realise her mistake? In the meantime I'm sure there'll be someone at the youth hostel you could talk to about this, and maybe they could offer you some help.
well at least you have money and a job.
and will power.
thats something good.

but i really do think they will all comearound....i mean they are your family. give it some time.
You need to sort this out before you go to uni. Otherwise, you'll be stuck at half-terms, and especially at Christmas time, when most people go back to their families for a few weeks.
Reply 12
Monday - send your mum flowers, small card with short 'sorry' message and tell her where you are staying.
Tuesday - send proper letter (hope to improve our relationship type)
Wednesday - phone her up and see if you can go round and talk

I think halls would be a good idea when you are at uni in any case. Make friends more easily, much more fun and gives mum a chance to miss you (hopefully!) However it would be good if you could improve your relationship before you go. You both need cooling off period so hostel is great idea.
Reply 13
I think your friends are your best bet for somewhere to stay, or perhaps your grandparents. Would it be so hard to say sorry and save yourself alot of hassle?
To be honest, if your mum kicks you out like that, it's not worth going back. Parents should love you whatever happens.
Reply 15
Remember to apply for Uni halls ASAP or you might miss out on a place.
wow. you know sometimes people are so stubborn they refuse to admit they're wrong? oh well. not saying you are, but perhaps u might want to think abt.

yeah put up with some friends, try to make amends.. :biggrin: good luck
Reply 17
I don't know how it is in the U.K. but here if you are under 18, your parents cannot kick you out of the house or else they will have to face serious consequences with the cops. If you are however over 18, but have no money then the gvt will pay you. Are they willing to pay for your tuition fees at uni?
Your mum loves you more than anyone else in the world, I'd be willing to bet on it. Things can get very diificult at times- remember you are in a major period of transition right now, between adolescence and adulthood, and this is a tough and stressful time in ways you may not realize right now. It's got to be affecting your mum too.

Make it up with your mum. You know how to do this better than anyone else.
Even if you don't end up staying in your house, both of you will feel massively better and both of you deserve to feel massively better.

Take some time over this. if it helps, have a friend or relation sit in when you talk to your mum. This person should not intervene, and should ideally be very fond of both of you. It may help to keep things calm. Maybe this won't work for you, but it's just a suggestion.

Whatever your argument was about, the issues are real, but they can also be worked out. Remember the bottom line, that you love each other very much and want the best for each other.

I had a massive argument with my mum too, three nights ago. Sometimes this takes lot of work, but you will be OK and you will work things out. Don't worry too much about the details- where will you live, etc., because if you sort out your relationship, most of the details will fall into place.

Good luck, I know how you are feeling.
Anonymous
She told me to leave so I agreed that I would. I haven't done anything wrong to make her chuck me out, she just says "everyone's had enough"


It sounds like you take your parents for granted. You seem to think you can talk to them however you want, argue with them and then expect everything to be okay. Well there is only so much a person can take. You over stepped the mark. You need to GROW UP and learn how to treat your parents.

If you were at least civilised with them, you wouldn't be in this situation.

[In the UK you can get kicked out before 18, I know people who got kicked out at 16]