The Student Room Group

Am I right? (BF problem)

Last night I broke up with my BF because he didn't have time for me. I didn't want to have to do that but I felt he was leaving me no option. But he didn't want this outcome either and was worried this would happen.

He started a job a few weeks ago and this was four days a week at normal daytime hours(9-4:30). He claims this makes him tired so he can't get online because he goes to bed when he gets home. At weekends he wasn't coming online before 11pm and claims his mum is always on the computer. Forgot to say this is a guy I met online who seemed just right.

So me being unhappy that I only get to talk to him via text messages and an hour or two online a week I decide to make an issue of it and see if we can talk more. At this point he stops texting me altogether and stops responding to mine. So I decide to e-mail him about the problem and he gives me a long response telling me how he feels. I suggest that we start calling each other and see if we can visit each other more often but he ignores that part of the message and says he'll start going into work earlier so he can finish earlier or do over-time to finish earlier the next day. I didn't see what that would achieve because his work times were never a problem.

Since the problem was dragging on all week and with him not getting online to talk about it I decided that yesterday would be the day we sort it or end things. He doesn't work on Fridays so it was a good day to have a talk. He said on Thursday that one of the reasons he hasn't been online was he was "running away" from the problem. He didn't come online last night either, until about 11:20 which was about 10 minutes after I told him it's over. I had text him twice in the hours before that which he ignored.

So was I right to break up over this problem or should I have given it more time? We'd only been together about 5 weeks but things were perfect until this time issue started to appear. I don't like to think his intentions were bad because he was a good guy and not sexually motivated and that's rare for gay men. I can't decide if I should go back and give some more time because it might just be a week more of the same with the same result.

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Reply 1
Internet relationships are silly and will never last (I've had one), just get on and find a real guy. He's probably a 40 yr old man who is married.
Reply 2
I doubt he's 40 and married considering I met him twice and he looks younger than me. Whether or not Internet relationships work is another matter and I like to think mine was more than that.
Reply 3
Just go and find another man to be honest, as you both have different priorities.
Reply 4
Anonymous
Whether or not Internet relationships work is another matter and I like to think mine was more than that.

So did I.

Dump him and go out and find a nice real boy.
I like to think I'll return home sometime...

Anyway, of course you built it up to be everything but something on the internet is hardly a relationship at all. Find a real person.

Time-travel relationships though, they are the worst. hehe.
Reply 6
Things work differently in the gay world and going out into a bar to find a guy is about the worst thing you can do. All they want there is sex. At least online you can get to know people and their intentions. There's a lot more options open to straighties and I wouldn't recommend the Internet or bars for them.
Reply 7
I see what you mean. Thing is, he goes to bed as soon as he gets home? At about 5pm? How can anyone have so much sleep??? Sounds a bit dubious to me. And yeah, if you never get to talk to him then there's not a lot of point, particularly if he's not willing to talk about problems. I'm sorry to say that. Are there really no gay people in the area around where you live? What do you do? Do you work/go to uni? There must be ways of meeting guys, somehow!

Oh, and better luck next time x
Sounds like you were very patient and mature about the whole thing, OP, and to all the people saying go find a real man - :eek2: What the? They had been together a while anyway the way they met was irrelevant. And internet people are real. :biggrin:
phobia of commitment and too immature to try and tackle the problem= not a good boyfriend

You were right to dump him.
black_mamba
Sounds like you were very patient and mature about the whole thing, OP, and to all the people saying go find a real man - :eek2: What the? They had been together a while anyway the way they met was irrelevant. And internet people are real. :biggrin:


I agree so true.
Reply 11
Anonymous
Things work differently in the gay world and going out into a bar to find a guy is about the worst thing you can do. All they want there is sex. At least online you can get to know people and their intentions. There's a lot more options open to straighties and I wouldn't recommend the Internet or bars for them.

You're a student right? Find a youth LGBT society in your area/at your uni.
Yes - if there's issues, you need to talk to them face to face (so he can't go offline, put the phone down or just ignore you) and since he couldn't see you that wasn't possible so move on and find someone who has time for you. :smile: Or just be single and enjoy it... Wish I could...
never settle for anything less than a "comfortable" relationship. obviously things weren't going to change soon, and it was for the best that you both went your seperate ways. I think you did well to look at things realisticly and not live in a fantasy world, thinking things would improve. well done. =]
Reply 14
Talya
You're a student right? Find a youth LGBT society in your area/at your uni.


I live in a small area and don't start uni until 2007. I will look into all that then. Until then may aswell stick with online.

I managed to get a conversation out of him tonight so I better understand his position now. I might see if we can sort things as friends and then get back together if I see changes.
Reply 15
Anonymous
I live in a small area and don't start uni until 2007. I will look into all that then. Until then may aswell stick with online.

I managed to get a conversation out of him tonight so I better understand his position now. I might see if we can sort things as friends and then get back together if I see changes.

Why are you in such a rush to be in a relationship? You don't need to be in one. Wait til Uni and you have a bigger choice of people!
Reply 16
I was planning to wait until then for that, but having gay friends where I live would be nice. But if things can be resolved with the guy I mentioned in first post I don't think I should let him go easily. When I posted I thought things were unsolvable. This thread is pretty much dead and I wouldn't complain if it were locked.
Dear the OP, Im suffering a similar situation..I waited for my BF like ages for his holidays with frdz to finish, he came back and talked to me online once, left me with his mob no...He's taking over some kind of his frdz' problems but he took me for granted, didnt care what I felt, how much I missed him... He's now somewhere I dnt know..of course I can't because he's not living in the same country as mine:frown:... I tried to call him but it seemed that there's smt wrong with no, I tried to e-mail him but no reply...I think I've had enough, more than enough...can never feel that Im in a relationship with a guy who doesnt care if Im OK or not...I really want to call him and end this now...But I still cant..stupid mobile!...I know its frustrating that u couldnt call him but it was good that at least U sorted it out a little bit which I havent :frown:...
U guys what can I do now?
Reply 18
I think your situation is a bit different. Sounds like your guy isn't interested in continuing the relationship. If he doesn't care how you feel then I wouldn't waste my time on it. There's better guys out there who will care and treat you right. If you've tried talking to him about it and he's still doing it then it's time to end it.
Im not saying im a popular girl but there're lot of guys after me, he was jealous everytime I talked to a guy, I didnt even go to the Prom night because he didnt want me to go without him and dance with someone else. He acted like that and then took everything for granted, didnt care how i was, just took me like a listener when he had troubles...He promised and then he didnt do anything..
Its time to say Goodbye, I'll be better off and start my new life at uni..though I'll miss him...
Thanks, OP