Feel like cheating on long distance girlfriend
I've been with her for nearly 2 years, of which the last year has been a long distance relationship. We see each other about every 2 weeks, sometimes more and sometimes less often depending on circumstances.
Due to several factors, my social life is very limited at the moment and I must admit that I feel pretty miserable most of the time. I'm not really enjoying my work and just feel I have nothing to look forward to after my long day.
The problem is, that people at my work are mostly in their 30's with families and simply have their own lives. There's a couple of young people like me but they're also busy with other things.. I mostly spend my time working out at the gym as that's something I love doing. Fol health reasons, I rarely go out (as in bars or clubs).
My girlfriend on the other hand, works at a place where most people are in their 20's and she has something to do nearly every night. People at work are always organising fun things to do, she goes to nights out, houseparties and has lunch with friends (including male friends). This is something that I don't have..
This weekend I went with people from work for a change which was great fun. At the end I bumped into a girl as I was looking for a place and couldn't find it, so she helped me. She asked me for my phone (I was like why do you need it?) and then put her number in there and told me to text her sometime. Stalked her fb in the morning and found out that she's actually really cute and a model of some sort..
Would it be OK to go and have lunch with this girl for example? this is the kinda thing that's missing from my life that would just make me so happy. To meet new people, go and have lunch with girls (ok, am I even fooling myself with those intentions?)
What do you think? Would it be fine to "see" other girls if it wouldn't lead to anything? It just feels so unfair that I have to be bored 90% of the time and she has so much more fun all the time..
Due to several factors, my social life is very limited at the moment and I must admit that I feel pretty miserable most of the time. I'm not really enjoying my work and just feel I have nothing to look forward to after my long day.
The problem is, that people at my work are mostly in their 30's with families and simply have their own lives. There's a couple of young people like me but they're also busy with other things.. I mostly spend my time working out at the gym as that's something I love doing. Fol health reasons, I rarely go out (as in bars or clubs).
My girlfriend on the other hand, works at a place where most people are in their 20's and she has something to do nearly every night. People at work are always organising fun things to do, she goes to nights out, houseparties and has lunch with friends (including male friends). This is something that I don't have..
This weekend I went with people from work for a change which was great fun. At the end I bumped into a girl as I was looking for a place and couldn't find it, so she helped me. She asked me for my phone (I was like why do you need it?) and then put her number in there and told me to text her sometime. Stalked her fb in the morning and found out that she's actually really cute and a model of some sort..
Would it be OK to go and have lunch with this girl for example? this is the kinda thing that's missing from my life that would just make me so happy. To meet new people, go and have lunch with girls (ok, am I even fooling myself with those intentions?)
What do you think? Would it be fine to "see" other girls if it wouldn't lead to anything? It just feels so unfair that I have to be bored 90% of the time and she has so much more fun all the time..
I think it'd be wrong without letting your girlfriend know - regardless how you feel, you are both still in a relationship and recognise this.
However, I suppose it'd be fine, as long as it doesn't lead to anything. But things don't always work out that way.
However, I suppose it'd be fine, as long as it doesn't lead to anything. But things don't always work out that way.
You are allowed to go for lunch with her, have sex with her, have anything with her, but have some backbone and break up with your girlfriend first. You are clearly living two seperate lives, and its time you built yours up for yourself.
^ This. If you want to date other girls, break up with your girlfriend. Don't try to kid yourself you're just wanting to have more of a social life, the girl wasn't intending to be your mate when she gave you her number and you know it. If you want friends, make friends, if you want to date other people, end your relationship. Simple.
This lunch thing is such a load of nonsense. Grow up. Having lunch with a woman is not "cheating" - regardless of what your intent might be.
If you have lunch and then start calling / texting / messaging or whatever - that's the point at which you can decide to make changes to your LDR.
If I didn't have lunch with every girl I wanted to do, I'd have starved to death by now.
On the wider issue, maybe you should question in isolation what exactly the value of your LDR is. It doesn't seem to be doing you much good.
If you have lunch and then start calling / texting / messaging or whatever - that's the point at which you can decide to make changes to your LDR.
If I didn't have lunch with every girl I wanted to do, I'd have starved to death by now.
On the wider issue, maybe you should question in isolation what exactly the value of your LDR is. It doesn't seem to be doing you much good.
I have to admit I agree with Clip. It seems this isn't about having lunch with someone its about your relationship. My LDR is surviving because we are both happy and we are both not wondering about whether the grass is greener. You are clearly unhappy and lonely and it sounds as if LDRs just aren't for you.
Its important to have separate lives in a relationship otherwise you'll eventually drive each other crazy but at the same time you need to take into account the quantum of solace in your relationship. That is basically the amount of comfort you get from each other. The theory is that when the quantum of solace reaches zero the relationship cannot survive. It sounds that you almost envy you current gf. This would suggest to me that something is wrong here. You have two choices really: you have to somehow see you gf more often or you have to break up with her and move on because currently it doesn't seem like you are getting what you need from you relationship. Having said that, I would not just dump her out of the blue. Talk to her first and see whether you can work things out first if she cares about you, she would not want you to be unhappy and she'd want to help you. If she doesn't then perhaps your decision has been made for you...
Its important to have separate lives in a relationship otherwise you'll eventually drive each other crazy but at the same time you need to take into account the quantum of solace in your relationship. That is basically the amount of comfort you get from each other. The theory is that when the quantum of solace reaches zero the relationship cannot survive. It sounds that you almost envy you current gf. This would suggest to me that something is wrong here. You have two choices really: you have to somehow see you gf more often or you have to break up with her and move on because currently it doesn't seem like you are getting what you need from you relationship. Having said that, I would not just dump her out of the blue. Talk to her first and see whether you can work things out first if she cares about you, she would not want you to be unhappy and she'd want to help you. If she doesn't then perhaps your decision has been made for you...
You sound pretty lonely but I don't know why this is being blamed on your LDR.
You won't have any more friends or any more fun (other than the transient fun of dating) if you break up with your girlfriend for this new girl - just a new girlfriend and the same old problems.
Not saying your LDR is perfect but the only problem you've actually identified is jealousy of your girlfriend's social life - when she's actually just proving it can be done. I don't see how it's your girlfriend's fault you've not made friends at work when you only see her every few weeks.
Your LDR isn't the problem, your life is. You don't need a new girlfriend, you need new friends.
You won't have any more friends or any more fun (other than the transient fun of dating) if you break up with your girlfriend for this new girl - just a new girlfriend and the same old problems.
Not saying your LDR is perfect but the only problem you've actually identified is jealousy of your girlfriend's social life - when she's actually just proving it can be done. I don't see how it's your girlfriend's fault you've not made friends at work when you only see her every few weeks.
Your LDR isn't the problem, your life is. You don't need a new girlfriend, you need new friends.
If you don't want to be with your girlfriend, break up with her.
That girl isn't looking to be "friends" is she? That and the fact that you called your thread "Feel like cheating on long distance girlfriend" makes it sound like if you go out for lunch with her it will lead to something.
You're clearly jealous that your girlfriend is going out and having fun (how is that "unfair", you're 2 different people, is she supposed to stay in because you are?!), but apart from that you've barely talked about your relationship, which makes no sense considering the title.
It sounds like you're just bored, is that the only reason you feel like "cheating"?!
That girl isn't looking to be "friends" is she? That and the fact that you called your thread "Feel like cheating on long distance girlfriend" makes it sound like if you go out for lunch with her it will lead to something.
You're clearly jealous that your girlfriend is going out and having fun (how is that "unfair", you're 2 different people, is she supposed to stay in because you are?!), but apart from that you've barely talked about your relationship, which makes no sense considering the title.
It sounds like you're just bored, is that the only reason you feel like "cheating"?!
OK I've been thinking about stuff and I've probably given the wrong impression. I'm definitely not jealous of my girlfriend, in fact I have significantly more friends than she does, but just not at my current location. She actually used to be very shy and I'm so glad she has found new friends and a social life.
I started thinking today.. I do have friends, I go to the gym with gym friends. Other than that, I wouldn't really have time for friends during the week anyways. On the weekends, I wanna be with a girl.
The problem is clearly my current relationship which is not giving me the feelings that a relationship should be giving me, which makes me want to be with other girls. I think this whole lunch thing was just a way for me to try and make it feel acceptable to go to lunch with someone, even though deep down my intentions would be sexual.
I just know meeting girls is exactly what my life is lacking and that's why I feel so miserable.
I started thinking today.. I do have friends, I go to the gym with gym friends. Other than that, I wouldn't really have time for friends during the week anyways. On the weekends, I wanna be with a girl.
The problem is clearly my current relationship which is not giving me the feelings that a relationship should be giving me, which makes me want to be with other girls. I think this whole lunch thing was just a way for me to try and make it feel acceptable to go to lunch with someone, even though deep down my intentions would be sexual.
I just know meeting girls is exactly what my life is lacking and that's why I feel so miserable.
Original post by Anonymous
OK I've been thinking about stuff and I've probably given the wrong impression. I'm definitely not jealous of my girlfriend, in fact I have significantly more friends than she does, but just not at my current location. She actually used to be very shy and I'm so glad she has found new friends and a social life.
I started thinking today.. I do have friends, I go to the gym with gym friends. Other than that, I wouldn't really have time for friends during the week anyways. On the weekends, I wanna be with a girl.
The problem is clearly my current relationship which is not giving me the feelings that a relationship should be giving me, which makes me want to be with other girls. I think this whole lunch thing was just a way for me to try and make it feel acceptable to go to lunch with someone, even though deep down my intentions would be sexual.
I just know meeting girls is exactly what my life is lacking and that's why I feel so miserable.
I started thinking today.. I do have friends, I go to the gym with gym friends. Other than that, I wouldn't really have time for friends during the week anyways. On the weekends, I wanna be with a girl.
The problem is clearly my current relationship which is not giving me the feelings that a relationship should be giving me, which makes me want to be with other girls. I think this whole lunch thing was just a way for me to try and make it feel acceptable to go to lunch with someone, even though deep down my intentions would be sexual.
I just know meeting girls is exactly what my life is lacking and that's why I feel so miserable.
You definitely need to do something about this. You've admitted that your relationship isn't making you happy and that you want to go out and meet/be with girls, and your girlfriend needs to know this.
Break up with her, for your sake and her's.
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