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Want to lose virginity - body too scared?

Hi,

I have tried losing my virginity on a number of occasions with my boyfriend but each time we try it's just been too difficult. It's like when he pushes against me it just won't go in. I feel like I'm too tight or my hymen is too thick (I have no idea if either of those are possible/probable). I have been fingered several times and that's ok (hurt hell of a lot the first few times though), but I have never done it to myself.

I know it's important to relax but I am SURE I want to have sex and am very comfortable with my boyfriend. I have also tried with a bit of alcohol and after foreplay and that still didn't work.

Is this the sort of thing I can ask a gynaecologist/can one help? What should I expect if I saw one?

I'm 20 and held off losing my virginity until I was absolutely sure I wanted to. My boyfriend is not a virgin and is fairly experienced.

Many thanks to anyone who has any suggestions!
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It may not have helped that it hurt a lot the first few times - your body may be going "it's gonna hurt again!" and tensing up.

How many fingers? If he can get three or four inside you - gently, over time, with lube - then that is likely to have stretched your hymen / got your muscles used to being stretched more than usual.

Have you tried being the one doing the pushing, for example by being on top? That also means you know how far and fast things happen, which can be helpful.

If it is a hymen issue, it can be snipped by a doctor. If it's a tensing issue, they will prescribe a series of gentle stretching exercises.

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