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I'm 22 and scared I'll never have sex Watch

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    I'm 22 years old and have a long-term boyfriend (we're both virgins). I'm terrified we'll never have sex because I'm too scared to do it.

    I'm afraid of any kind of penetration down there. I have never tried tampons or inserted anything into my vagina, ever. I have never inserted my finger or even properly touched my vagina. I have masturbated, of course, but only rubbing against it. When I had to go for an examination at the doctors I cried out in pain when I was being examined down there. Sex seems such a scary prospect to me yet I don't want to be a virgin forever because I'm worried I'd be seen as some sort of freak

    I don't have any problems with arousal or anything like that, I just know that if the time came I'd get too scared and clam up and the moment would be ruined. There have been several moments where it's nearly occurred but I end up just getting angry and tearful at myself and I feel so bad for my boyfriend.

    I've never been abused or anything like that, but I do have problems with anxiety and depression.

    Does anyone else have the same problem? I don't want to be like this but if I feel too scared to even insert my own finger into it then a penis seems a far scarier prospect. I don't want to go to the doctors because I don't want to have to go through the rigmarole of counselling.
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    Just do it then. If you're not willing then certainly don't complain about it. Also think about dating a non virgin. I can't understand how a guy too scared to have sex at his age can find a girlfriend anyway.

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    Perhaps you should take one step at a time. First try inserting just one finger into your vagina just so you know how it feels and get used to it. Then try using a tampon, not for long but once again just to get used to it. Once you are used to the feeling maybe you can touch down there for a little longer or keep the tampon in for longer. Then, when you are ready, let him touch you down there but don't go any further. After you are used to him being down there then take it further when you are ready.

    I have anxiety and depression and although I don't have a problem with someone going down there, I do have a problem with just having sex. Partly because I am religious but also because I am worried that I will end up getting hurt (despite the fact that my bf is literally the nicest guy you have ever met!) So I do understand what you are going through to a certain extent with the anxiety.
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    I'm female, 20 years old and in a relationship. I can definitely empathise with your situation: for the past couple of weeks, I have been using a product called 'vagi-wave' (if you type it into google, it is the first result). Though it is a bit pricey, it has really helped me in feeling more comfortable about my vagina, especially touching and penetrating it. Before, I experienced moderate anxiety about my vagina and I am genuinely surprised about how much progress I have made.

    You're meant to use the product for 21 days before you go to sleep to programme your subconscious into accepting that vaginal penetration is okay. The post-sales support which I have used countless times (which is also free) is invaluable. They really help you during the whole process. I am feeling pretty hopeful about this product and I definitely recommend it.
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    You've got the first step which is recognising that things would probably be happier if you could get through this. I would next decide whether it would be easier for you to get familiar with yourself alone or with the help of your boyfriend. You might be able to be brave, take anxiety remedies beforehand or promise to treat yourself to something nice afterward? These feelings tend to spiral out of control in my experience so it would be good to regain control I think. How about considering what would need to happen and how you would need to feel to be comfortable inserting a finger? That might help you work out what the issues are.

    I feel like once you've started to explore further, this issue will dissolve by itself so it's a matter of taking the first few steps.


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    I would also add, think positives fantasies and anytime you catch yourself thinking negative things about sex, push them out of your head for being unhelpfully exaggerated...


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    Maybe have some alcohol to relax you a bit? I don't mean getting wasted but maybe have a meal with your boyfriend and have a few glasses of wine so you are more relaxed and feel less anxious!
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    every girls faces problem, dont get scare about, just remove all negative and try it once, you will love it once you done with it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 22 years old and have a long-term boyfriend (we're both virgins). I'm terrified we'll never have sex because I'm too scared to do it.

    I'm afraid of any kind of penetration down there. I have never tried tampons or inserted anything into my vagina, ever. I have never inserted my finger or even properly touched my vagina. I have masturbated, of course, but only rubbing against it. When I had to go for an examination at the doctors I cried out in pain when I was being examined down there. Sex seems such a scary prospect to me yet I don't want to be a virgin forever because I'm worried I'd be seen as some sort of freak

    I don't have any problems with arousal or anything like that, I just know that if the time came I'd get too scared and clam up and the moment would be ruined. There have been several moments where it's nearly occurred but I end up just getting angry and tearful at myself and I feel so bad for my boyfriend.

    I've never been abused or anything like that, but I do have problems with anxiety and depression.

    Does anyone else have the same problem? I don't want to be like this but if I feel too scared to even insert my own finger into it then a penis seems a far scarier prospect. I don't want to go to the doctors because I don't want to have to go through the rigmarole of counselling.
    First times going to hurt depending how thick your hymen is. I never masterbated still don't. First time hurt a bit and I did bleed quite a bit. But after that it's fine.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 22 years old and have a long-term boyfriend (we're both virgins). I'm terrified we'll never have sex because I'm too scared to do it.

    I'm afraid of any kind of penetration down there. I have never tried tampons or inserted anything into my vagina, ever. I have never inserted my finger or even properly touched my vagina. I have masturbated, of course, but only rubbing against it. When I had to go for an examination at the doctors I cried out in pain when I was being examined down there. Sex seems such a scary prospect to me yet I don't want to be a virgin forever because I'm worried I'd be seen as some sort of freak

    I don't have any problems with arousal or anything like that, I just know that if the time came I'd get too scared and clam up and the moment would be ruined. There have been several moments where it's nearly occurred but I end up just getting angry and tearful at myself and I feel so bad for my boyfriend.

    I've never been abused or anything like that, but I do have problems with anxiety and depression.

    Does anyone else have the same problem? I don't want to be like this but if I feel too scared to even insert my own finger into it then a penis seems a far scarier prospect. I don't want to go to the doctors because I don't want to have to go through the rigmarole of counselling.
    First of all...if you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. Your reasoning for wanting to do it concerns me- its irrelevant what other people think because it effects you and only you. Secondly, 22 is just an age. I lost my virginity at 19 and hated my Virgin status- only after I had done it did I realise that a few of my friends were virgins (some still are- I'm also 22.) You clearly have a nice boyfriend so take your time and build up to it when you are ready. Perhaps start wearing tampons or masturbating by penetration etc when YOU feel ready to. I was terrified of sex and that it would hurt etc etc but think about it- billions of people have had sex- if it was that terrible they never would a second, third, forth etc time. It isn't that bad at all. PLEASE stop thinking about what others think and how your boyfriend feels- sexual discovery is incredibly personal and all about YOU. Good luck and if you ever want a chat or anything feel free to drop me a message! X
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    I didn't lose my virginity till I was 24, don't rush. Do it when it's right for you. I waited as I wanted to lose my virginity with someone that I loved and cared about but also who loved and cared about me.


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