Relationships before the age of 25 are pointless. Discuss.

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Rump Steak
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I'm of the opinion that serious, committed relationships before reaching your mid-twenties are pointless. What's the point? People are literally wasting their time, and indeed their lives, being in relationships. And it's pathetic. The number of people breaking down, and claiming their lives have "fallen apart", and all this **** - why do people do it? You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you? Why not use the time to earn some money, get a decent degree, travel the world, succeed in some way or another - why do you choose to waste your time with someone who you are almost definitely going to break up with (badly), and leave you feeling depressed and insecure for ages afterwards? I know loads of people who've done badly in exams, missed uni offers, job opportunities, the list goes on, because they've spent all their time focused on their relationship.

I understand there are upsides, but you DON'T need to be in a relationship to get them;
1. Spending time with someone you get on with: You've got friends/family for that. Why spend so much time with one person, when you could use your time better and use it to meet more people and make more close friends? Plenty of people I know have isolated themselves from their friends to be in a relationship, and once they've broken up, they've got none left to turn to.
2. The sex - you don't have to be in a serious, time-consuming relationship for that - there's one night stands, or friends with benefits (if you want to be exclusive)
3. Conforming to social expectation: "All my mates are in relationships, so I should be too". if you're in a relationship for this, you're a right pleb.

Now, I'm not against relationships in general. It's just I believe they should be after Uni at least, or when people are stable and independent in their lives, because at least then there's a chance of a future together. (The 25 in the title was an arbitrary figure; take it with a pinch of salt). Before-Uni relationships very very rarely work out. So why put yourself through all that effort?
(And finally, before anyone says I'm saying this because I'm bitter, I'm not. I've been in a few relationships; with people I've properly clicked with, and ended them because I hated the commitment; realising how many hours it was taking out of my life, and for what?)
So answer me this TSR, why do people invest so much time, effort, emotion and money into something that invariably is going to end in tears anyway?
I know this is a controversial opinion, but I feel I've given reasonable enough reasons to show why I don't think it's a ridiculous standpoint.
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donutaud15
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I'll give the answer my husband always says: what's the point of waiting if you know you've found the right person?

Things like decent degrees, jobs, travelling, ect are still possible even in a relationship (talking from experience) Not the easiest but tbh everything in life is hard.

By the time I'm 25, I'd be married for six years. I don't really think I'm missing out on a lot.
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Musie Suzie
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I think it's important to experience different relationships before you find your "forever" one because they teach you about yourself and other people; about what you want, what you have to offer, what you'll tolerate, what you won't, and what your flaws are. First relationships usually don't last, so you learn and improve and make better choices for the future.

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Robbie242
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Well I don't hate the idea of commitment, I actually like it... so people are different and so some relationships will stand the test of time, your problems with relationships don't happen for everyone so many can be long and fulfilling without the need to resent the thought of commitment.
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antipathy
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It's practise for the relationships that you don't balls up later on.

If people only started dating at 25, all the teenage/early twenties dating drama would just happen later in life.
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Inazuma
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Yeah I've been feeling like this recently, you beat me to the post!
I don't see the point in a relationship that is unlikely to go anywhere and is pretty time consuming.
The only super benefit I see is that of experience to find someone as said above, but then again you can date to do that rather than make committed relationships.
*shrugs*
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Top Queen
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(Original post by donutaud15)
I'll give the answer my husband always says: what's the point of waiting if you know you've found the right person?

Things like decent degrees, jobs, travelling, ect are still possible even in a relationship (talking from experience) Not the easiest but tbh everything in life is hard.

By the time I'm 25, I'd be married for six years. I don't really think I'm missing out on a lot.
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Why did you choose to get married at 19?
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Tyrion_Lannister
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(Original post by Rump Steak)
I'm of the opinion that serious, committed relationships before reaching your mid-twenties are pointless. What's the point? People are literally wasting their time, and indeed their lives, being in relationships. And it's pathetic. The number of people breaking down, and claiming their lives have "fallen apart", and all this **** - why do people do it? You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you? Why not use the time to earn some money, get a decent degree, travel the world, succeed in some way or another - why do you choose to waste your time with someone who you are almost definitely going to break up with (badly), and leave you feeling depressed and insecure for ages afterwards? I know loads of people who've done badly in exams, missed uni offers, job opportunities, the list goes on, because they've spent all their time focused on their relationship.

I understand there are upsides, but you DON'T need to be in a relationship to get them;
1. Spending time with someone you get on with: You've got friends/family for that. Why spend so much time with one person, when you could use your time better and use it to meet more people and make more close friends? Plenty of people I know have isolated themselves from their friends to be in a relationship, and once they've broken up, they've got none left to turn to.
2. The sex - you don't have to be in a serious, time-consuming relationship for that - there's one night stands, or friends with benefits (if you want to be exclusive)
3. Conforming to social expectation: "All my mates are in relationships, so I should be too". if you're in a relationship for this, you're a right pleb.

Now, I'm not against relationships in general. It's just I believe they should be after Uni at least, or when people are stable and independent in their lives, because at least then there's a chance of a future together. (The 25 in the title was an arbitrary figure; take it with a pinch of salt). Before-Uni relationships very very rarely work out. So why put yourself through all that effort?
(And finally, before anyone says I'm saying this because I'm bitter, I'm not. I've been in a few relationships; with people I've properly clicked with, and ended them because I hated the commitment; realising how many hours it was taking out of my life, and for what?)
So answer me this TSR, why do people invest so much time, effort, emotion and money into something that invariably is going to end in tears anyway?
I know this is a controversial opinion, but I feel I've given reasonable enough reasons to show why I don't think it's a ridiculous standpoint.
Why do you feel the need to put down other people? You've already put you dislike commitment, and so want to spend your time travelling around and earning money. Great. Some of us have other priorities.

To me, what you want to do sounds horrible. But that's not to say I don't respect your choice. I respect that to you, it must be lovely. But understand that not everyone wants the same thing

Oh and my grandmother married at 18, my mum at 20, they're both still married.
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antipathy
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(Original post by marinaim)
The only super benefit I see is that of experience to find someone as said above, but then again you can date to do that rather than make committed relationships.
*shrugs*
To be fair though, the early dating stages are the easy bit.

It's keeping a relationship going for the long haul that's difficult, and needs practice - especially when they scrunch the toothpaste tube rather than push from the end!
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bumblebee342
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Whilst I sort of understand where you're coming from, there's also relationships (even if they're not the majority) that start when people are young and last. If they don't, you usually learn from them.

With regard to your points:
1) Yes, I love my friends and family, and sometimes, their company is enough. But I also enjoy spending time with my boyfriend, because he's like a best friend and we have a different kind of connection. I make time for my friends, family and my boyfriend, so I haven't lost anyone.
2) One night stands, FWB relationships just don't appeal to everyone.
3) I've personally never thought like this, and I agree that it's a bit silly if anyone's in a relationship solely for this reason.

I think it's all about experience and learning from your decisions. I'm young, I'm not expecting my current relationship to last forever, but I'm enjoying myself right now, I've already learnt from it, and if anything were to happen, I'd have had the experience.


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scrotgrot
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Nah, you have to practice. And not just sex, the whole lot of it. Also a lot of the time among teenagers a declared relationship is more a claim on a particular position in the social hierarchy than anything else. It is important for us to learn to climb the social hierarchy, this is a skill that will serve anyone well in even the most technical endeavours throughout life.
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elpistolero7
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That's a really interesting point of view. Its different, I see where you're coming from (although I disagree with quite a bit), but its definitely not ridiculous or anything.

I broke up with the first girl I loved last year (bare in mind, I'm not even 20 yet), and it was grim. I got my **** together within weeks though, a much as it hurt. I don't have any regrets...she pushed me to do better, I doubt I'd be going to LSE this year if she hadn't pushed me to work harder/have some belief in myself. You can succeed, travel the world, do all that stuff you've mentioned while being with someone. Its definitely not an either or kind of thing, which is where the crux my disagreement with you lies.

I do take issue with people who let their lives fall apart cause of a bad breakup. Heck, my ex cheated on me out of the blue ffs. I was sad as hell sure, but nothing's stopping me from doing what I want to do in my life. That's not the fault of being in a relationship. That's being a self pitying fool who doesn't value their opportunities.

You can, infact find the love of your life early. One of my best mates has been with his girlfriend for 5 years. They're at the same uni and incredibly happy, both extremely ambitious and will probably end up married. If anything, that stability and the fact they bring out the best in each other in many ways has helped them over the last few years.

Spending time with a girl or guy you love doesn't mean you have to forgo your ambitions in your teenage years/early 20's. In fact, if you find someone with similar passions, goals and a similar outlook on life, you have someone you care about deeply (which is what a suitable partner is likely to have most of) along for the ride and that can be an incredible comfort to have in your life.

Also, I realize a lot of first/second relationships don't work out. So? You're in the moment, enjoy it with the person you're in love with. You grow immeasurably as a person through those experiences, good or bad, and it helps you out a lot when you find the one you settle down with eventually.

Also, most importantly, sex with someone you care about>> a random shag/FWB. Which is more important than all of the other stuff, obviously.
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LittleBird_
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As somebody who has been with their boyfriend for four years since I was 19, I have to disagree.

Our relationship is great and without my boyfriend I don't think I would have done half the things I have. The relationship hasn't placed any restrictions on our dreams and aspirations. My boyfriend has a Masters and I'm currently finishing my degree. I've gone on holidays and trips with friends, plan to visit Australia for a few months and have never faced any restrictions on the things that I want to achieve.

A good relationship won't stop you from doing everything that you want to do. Just because you're under 25 and have a partner, it doesn't mean you have to sacrifice the things that you want in life.

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Rump Steak
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(Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
Why do you feel the need to put down other people? You've already put you dislike commitment, and so want to spend your time travelling around and earning money. Great. Some of us have other priorities.

To me, what you want to do sounds horrible. But that's not to say I don't respect your choice. I respect that to you, it must be lovely. But understand that not everyone wants the same thing
I don't intend to put people down - perhaps I've come across as condescending of people in relationships, but I don't mean to - I'm just trying to emphasise a point here. I certainly wouldn't put people down or judge them on something which (most of the time) has absolutely no effect on me.
Now when I say 'commitment', I meant 'time-commitment', and yes, I'd rather spend my time trying to reach my full potential. I'd rather earn a good degree, and focus on getting a decent job before getting into a serious relationship - what are your 'other priorities' then may I ask?

(Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
Oh and my grandmother married at 18, my mum at 20, they're both still married.
That's great, but what exactly's your point here?
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Millie1986
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Are you suggesting nobody has sex before the age of 25 too? Or would you just have sex with random people for the sake of it? What happens if you meet someone you feel really connected with in your teens or early 20s - would you not act on it just because you weren't 25 and therefore it was pointless? My brother and his wife got together when they were 16, and married a few years later. They celebrated their silver wedding anniversary last year. Their eldest son, who is now 23 has been with his girlfriend since he was about 16 too, although they haven't married. I'm not advocating getting in a relationship for the sake of it at a young age, but if the connection is there then why not go for it? And I am writing this as a single 27 year old, so certainly no personal experience of teenage romance lasting for decades!
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Tyrion_Lannister
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(Original post by Rump Steak)
I don't intend to put people down - perhaps I've come across as condescending of people in relationships, but I don't mean to - I'm just trying to emphasise a point here. I certainly wouldn't put people down or judge them on something which (most of the time) has absolutely no effect on me.
Now when I say 'commitment', I meant 'time-commitment', and yes, I'd rather spend my time trying to reach my full potential. I'd rather earn a good degree, and focus on getting a decent job before getting into a serious relationship - what are your 'other priorities' then may I ask?
Your title really comes across as insulting..

Personally I'm not career minded. I like what I do, but I'm not career driven. What I enjoy is being with my family, and I really want to have kids. I don't want to move away or get a degree, I'm much happier cooking, seeing my family, making people smile. For me, my priorities are being happy, having children, and making those around me smile.

Getting a degree isn't something I want, neither is travelling, drinking, or sleeping with random people.

That's great, but what exactly's your point here?
That relationships under 25 can work. I've been with my boyfriend since I was 17
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Mankytoes
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I think it's kind of sad when people see relationships as purely a means to an end- being married with kiddies and living happily ever after. I'm 23, have been with my girlfriend three years, but if we break up tomorrow, I won't think "oh no, I wasted three years of my life", I'll think "this ****ing sucks, but I had three great years".

She makes me happy, and isn't that like the whole point of life? I've got degree, a job, gone travelling, being in a relationship doesn't have to hinder those things, it can help them. I'm the sort of person who can need a push to do things, and my girlfriend often provides that.

I don't feel like I need to be in a relationship, in fact I thought I wouldn't get a girlfriend until I was older, until I met her and fell in love.

The OP's tone is a bit irritating, just because they haven't just said "this is personally how I'm choosing to live my life", they've said most other people are pathetic, that they know best. People are different. Maybe being single when you're younger works for you, but not for everyone?
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jessicamb
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celebrated 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend a couple of days ago, i'm 18 and he is 20
we got together before he went to university, and we both knew it was coming!! From the very start we never considered breaking up because he was off to uni, and ever since he went, its worked out great. We live on the Isle of Man, and he goes to the University of York, so visits can be costly and awkward when you've only got the weekend. It can be super hard, yet our time apart gives us time to concentrate on everything important! I trust him with the world and I have some of the best memories with him. I'm off to uni myself in September, next year it may be better as i'll be just a train journey away!
We've already been on holiday 3 times together, and as soon as we get some money, i know we'll be travelling around the world

I know some young relationships can disrupt a lot of things, but not all of them are disasters! If my relationship were to crumble apart, yes i'd be heartbroken, but i believe even if we did break up and we truly loved each other as much as i know we do, we'd be back together some day i'm sure
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I'll admit in the past I've been able to focus more than one of my friends because I'm not obsessing over a relationship.

Doesn't stop me feeling lonely as **** though.
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Inazuma
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(Original post by antipathy)
To be fair though, the early dating stages are the easy bit.

It's keeping a relationship going for the long haul that's difficult, and needs practice - especially when they scrunch the toothpaste tube rather than push from the end!
There is a special place in hell for those people Haha!
I always think if I commit again someone else is gonna come along who's nicer, or when I'm 30 in an office with all the dapper men and I'm married like what a waste :/
Practice vs freedom hm


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