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21 year old women acting like backstabbing 14 year olds... they call me one. Am I? Watch

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    I'm in the 'group of 3 rarely works out for girls' situation, and it's all gone sour after a year and a half of being friends in the past 24 hours, and I don't know quite how to handle it.


    2 of my best friends live together. As this occurred, they grew to despise each other more and more, yet I was very much equally close with both of them and as a result, had to hear the *****ing about the other. This was, as you can imagine, hard to try and stay impartial towards as it got worse and worse over the year and a half. They've now decided to move out from each other.


    As their issues became more and more suffocating, I found myself getting irritated. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I would argue with one of them and I too would have bad things to say about one of the girls to the other, but as is natural when people fall out. (Let it be clear at this point that I always said that anything I said could be relayed to anyone, I'm not about to ***** about someone and expect someone to keep it a secret- it's me expressing how I felt which I would quite happily say to anyone's face, and very often did).


    These girls had something bad to say about the other almost every day, and sometimes I would stay silent, and sometimes they would ask me what the other one thought, and I would tell them and suggest they talk through their problems face to face. I never thought this was an issue that I was relaying what was said to me by the girls, I was never told this was unreasonable and to be 'kept to myself.' Otherwise, I wouldn't have said anything when prompted.


    Basically, what has come to a head is that (apparently) for a year and a half, each girl didn't know I had said on occasion what the other was feeling to the other girl... and apparently this is totally out of order. They also expressed they are most irritated at the fact they 'don't have anything bad to say about me...' Surely that's not my problem if I haven't irritated them?!


    Now I have to wait for them to decide if they want to be my friends any more- quite frankly I think this is just pathetic. We're 21/22 year old women and how someone can turn around and say I'm their best friend for a year and half and then at the drop of a hat say they need to decide if they want me to be their friend?


    I told them to get some sense of perspective of this issue. I mean... there's much worse things going on for loads of people... and even for us such as the stress of finishing uni. They wouldn't have any of it, one of the girls hasn't even bothered talking to me. Part of me wonders if genuine friends act this way? I said I wanted to move on with a clean slate and stop all this talk altogether. But apparently I 'can't be trusted' according to one girl.


    Am I completely off radar here guys? Have I acted in such a way to to deserve this kind of treatment? I've tried resolving this situation but all I get back is a 'I have to decide if I want to be your friend.' It's all a bit high school for me, and I told them I'd rather just know so I can come to terms with it... Part of me wonders if people act in this immature way if I want them as friends any way?


    How would you suggest I move forward?


    Thank you
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    welcome to the real world breh. A lot of women keep the school girl attitude till old age. My sister got fired from a law firm recently because a bunch of skanky girls sabotaged her work lmao.
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    omigosh..like,somuchdrama lol #YOLO gurlfriend
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    Completely agree with you, anyone that "has to decide to be your friend" because "they don't have anything bad to say about you" is not worth the time, especially when you're not 12 years old.
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    The way I see it, everyone talks about everyone else behind their back. This is why I stay away from arguments between two people, getting yourself involved just gave them a reason to unite and point the finger in your direction. You were not the cause of their disagreement and fights, they are just trying to find someone they can equally dislike and hold accountable.

    All three of you, are grown women, don't allow them to live rent free in your head. I personally would not wait for anyone to decide on whether they'd be friends with me or not. Friends are like buses, you catch some, stay on for some time and then move on.

    As a fellow woman, its just a fact that female friends make comments about each other. I mean did they really think you would not tell the other about the comments they were making about each other?
    I suggest you move on, this is way too immature and ridiculous drama that you should not have to put up with, they are just trying to be angry with someone, and that someone happens to be you.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    welcome to the real world breh. A lot of women keep the school girl attitude till old age. My sister got fired from a law firm recently because a bunch of skanky girls sabotaged her work lmao.
    Wow.. how ridiculous, If I was her I'd dig up the proof and sue.
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    Why are you still with them?
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    (Original post by alis-volatpropriis)
    Wow.. how ridiculous, If I was her I'd dig up the proof and sue.
    eh she said she doesn't care because it was a crappy firm anyways.
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    (Original post by alis-volatpropriis)
    The way I see it, everyone talks about everyone else behind their back. This is why I stay away from arguments between two people, getting yourself involved just gave them a reason to unite and point the finger in your direction. You were not the cause of their disagreement and fights, they are just trying to find someone they can equally dislike and hold accountable.

    All three of you, are grown women, don't allow them to live rent free in your head. I personally would not wait for anyone to decide on whether they'd be friends with me or not. Friends are like buses, you catch some, stay on for some time and then move on.

    As a fellow woman, its just a fact that female friends make comments about each other. I mean did they really think you would not tell the other about the comments they were making about each other?
    I suggest you move on, this is way too immature and ridiculous drama that you should not have to put up with, they are just trying to be angry with someone, and that someone happens to be you.
    Wow, this is ridiculously fantastic advice- thank you. And thanks to everyone too (minus YOLO hashtag girlfriend person, you have too much free time on your hands in my opinion).

    I just really needed an outside perspective on this situation, I certainly in my mind thought that this was immature and that anyone who had to 'consider if they wanted to be my friend' after so long wasn't worth my time. As you say 'friends are like buses.'

    The only thing I can't decide now is whether it's a daunting or exciting prospect in terms of losing these 2 girls as 'friends,' as I spent a large part of my time with them and now have the issue of finding new friends. But I suppose any new friends I make will be better than this.

    Thanks again
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    What is it about women that mean you have a constant need to ***** about each other?

    Genuine question.
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    (Original post by Huskaris)
    What is it about women that mean you have a constant need to ***** about each other?

    Genuine question.
    Wish I knew the answer- I wouldn't call it a constant need, but I would say it probably gives them unity in agreement on what they don't like. It's pathetic I know, I'm just looking to be more mature and move on from all this, there are more important things and it just got way too out of hand.
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    (Original post by beckie92)
    Wow, this is ridiculously fantastic advice- thank you. And thanks to everyone too (minus YOLO hashtag girlfriend person, you have too much free time on your hands in my opinion).

    I just really needed an outside perspective on this situation, I certainly in my mind thought that this was immature and that anyone who had to 'consider if they wanted to be my friend' after so long wasn't worth my time. As you say 'friends are like buses.'

    The only thing I can't decide now is whether it's a daunting or exciting prospect in terms of losing these 2 girls as 'friends,' as I spent a large part of my time with them and now have the issue of finding new friends. But I suppose any new friends I make will be better than this.

    Thanks again
    You're very welcome moving forward, you can take this experience and cultivate better friendships in the future. I know how it feels to lose friends that haven't got your back. I personally feel its a combination of both, exciting because now you can befriend other people, daunting because you spent so much time building the friendships with the two girls.
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    This is why men are better than women, it's science.
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    (Original post by beckie92)
    I'm in the 'group of 3 rarely works out for girls' situation, and it's all gone sour after a year and a half of being friends in the past 24 hours, and I don't know quite how to handle it.


    2 of my best friends live together. As this occurred, they grew to despise each other more and more, yet I was very much equally close with both of them and as a result, had to hear the *****ing about the other. This was, as you can imagine, hard to try and stay impartial towards as it got worse and worse over the year and a half. They've now decided to move out from each other.


    As their issues became more and more suffocating, I found myself getting irritated. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I would argue with one of them and I too would have bad things to say about one of the girls to the other, but as is natural when people fall out. (Let it be clear at this point that I always said that anything I said could be relayed to anyone, I'm not about to ***** about someone and expect someone to keep it a secret- it's me expressing how I felt which I would quite happily say to anyone's face, and very often did).


    These girls had something bad to say about the other almost every day, and sometimes I would stay silent, and sometimes they would ask me what the other one thought, and I would tell them and suggest they talk through their problems face to face. I never thought this was an issue that I was relaying what was said to me by the girls, I was never told this was unreasonable and to be 'kept to myself.' Otherwise, I wouldn't have said anything when prompted.


    Basically, what has come to a head is that (apparently) for a year and a half, each girl didn't know I had said on occasion what the other was feeling to the other girl... and apparently this is totally out of order. They also expressed they are most irritated at the fact they 'don't have anything bad to say about me...' Surely that's not my problem if I haven't irritated them?!


    Now I have to wait for them to decide if they want to be my friends any more- quite frankly I think this is just pathetic. We're 21/22 year old women and how someone can turn around and say I'm their best friend for a year and half and then at the drop of a hat say they need to decide if they want me to be their friend?


    I told them to get some sense of perspective of this issue. I mean... there's much worse things going on for loads of people... and even for us such as the stress of finishing uni. They wouldn't have any of it, one of the girls hasn't even bothered talking to me. Part of me wonders if genuine friends act this way? I said I wanted to move on with a clean slate and stop all this talk altogether. But apparently I 'can't be trusted' according to one girl.


    Am I completely off radar here guys? Have I acted in such a way to to deserve this kind of treatment? I've tried resolving this situation but all I get back is a 'I have to decide if I want to be your friend.' It's all a bit high school for me, and I told them I'd rather just know so I can come to terms with it... Part of me wonders if people act in this immature way if I want them as friends any way?


    How would you suggest I move forward?


    Thank you
    as much as a shame it is, i think with girls friendships in 3s rarely work... when i was younger i was friends with 2 girls and what they do was one would invite me to their house randomly, id go, theyd sit down and ***** about the other girl, and try to get me to say things, and the other girl would be hiding in the room, listening... pathetic right? some girls are just really catty, *****y and immature. they dont really grow up with age. you just have to rise above it and find better, normal people... which can be hard to find but its better than hanging about with people like that. their bad energy will only suck the life out of you.

    plus i bet if youd told each other them what the other was saying, theyd be mad at you, but not saying anything, and theyre still mad at you, so you cant really win in these situations. so either you slowly back off and dont say anything to them and phase them out, or confront them and tell them how their actions have made you feel and how theyve put you in an awkward position, their squabbling has nothing to do with you because they have a problem with each other but are trying to focus all of the responsibility on you rather than accepting any themselves..
 
 
 
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