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I don't think I can cope any longer - relationship, education, my life.... Watch

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    I have felt so unhappy and depressed for a long time. I have no life left in me, it is the same routine every day and I am not who I used to be.

    Me and my partner have been together almost 3 years this year, and although he seems to be happy, I am not. I love him a lot, but I just feel so unhappy and unloved. He does try and make me feel loved, but most of the time - he has a lot of stuff to deal with, and I try and help him but it is very overwhelming and sometimes he belittles me and emotionally controls me (tells me to stop acting like a child, asking me to do things, tells me what I should do) etc, I have told him he is controlling and patronising but then he got very defensive! He drinks most nights as well as he is 'stressed', and he doesn't get drunk but he just talks a load of rubbish - anything, which I don't wanna hear. I try and tell him how I feel but he just goes against it and tells me something completely opposite, like "well look at how rubbish my life turned out, you should be lucky".

    I went through a rough stage of dealing with an Ectopic Pregnacy, in which he has not been there for me. Whenever I speak about it, I cry about it and he just turns a blind eye and doesn't listen. This really hurts because I am dealing with it alone (only a few select people know, but cannot talk to them about it really), and I feel exhausted, run down, very uncoordinated, and at work I am like a zombie and sometimes cramming in so many hours if I am alert just so I don't have to stay at home and think!

    It's always about 'him', and never about me. He is the one who always struggles, and I am struggling because I am with him. Yesterday, I was just thinking all night about what life would be like if I wasn't with him, how these things are making me unhappy, and how desperate I am to get away. I am sorting out a holiday for MYSELF just to get away from here :/

    I don't know any more! People will just say, ''leave him'' but it really isn't that simple. Today, he text me saying how much he loves me, and how much I care for him, and I am there for him all the time".

    I am really at lost, with no hope here
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have felt so unhappy and depressed for a long time. I have no life left in me, it is the same routine every day and I am not who I used to be.

    Me and my partner have been together almost 3 years this year, and although he seems to be happy, I am not. I love him a lot, but I just feel so unhappy and unloved. He does try and make me feel loved, but most of the time - he has a lot of stuff to deal with, and I try and help him but it is very overwhelming and sometimes he belittles me and emotionally controls me (tells me to stop acting like a child, asking me to do things, tells me what I should do) etc, I have told him he is controlling and patronising but then he got very defensive! He drinks most nights as well as he is 'stressed', and he doesn't get drunk but he just talks a load of rubbish - anything, which I don't wanna hear. I try and tell him how I feel but he just goes against it and tells me something completely opposite, like "well look at how rubbish my life turned out, you should be lucky".

    I went through a rough stage of dealing with an Ectopic Pregnacy, in which he has not been there for me. Whenever I speak about it, I cry about it and he just turns a blind eye and doesn't listen. This really hurts because I am dealing with it alone (only a few select people know, but cannot talk to them about it really), and I feel exhausted, run down, very uncoordinated, and at work I am like a zombie and sometimes cramming in so many hours if I am alert just so I don't have to stay at home and think!

    It's always about 'him', and never about me. He is the one who always struggles, and I am struggling because I am with him. Yesterday, I was just thinking all night about what life would be like if I wasn't with him, how these things are making me unhappy, and how desperate I am to get away. I am sorting out a holiday for MYSELF just to get away from here :/

    I don't know any more! People will just say, ''leave him'' but it really isn't that simple. Today, he text me saying how much he loves me, and how much I care for him, and I am there for him all the time".

    I am really at lost, with no hope here
    Firstly, I think it would be really good if you could see a professional just to talk about things properly. TSR is not equipped to deal with genuine mental health issues past a few suggestions and opinions. Could you see someone within your education institution or otherwise talk to your GP about counselling options? It sounds like it would be great if you could talk to someone, and not just about your partner.

    My personal opinion is that it sounds like your boyfriend is extremely manipulative. I think he is very scared of losing you, so whilst he is emotionally abusive and controlling, he also knows that he has to keep you with him - hence these texts of love. In brief, I feel just from this single post that you deserve much, much better, and that he is dragging you down. I know it's not what you want to hear but I think whilst it would be a struggle, leaving him and being your own person, gaining your own confidence and space to recover from the ectopic, would be so beneficial to you and your mental health. Good luck, please put yourself before him at this point - you deserve to do that. x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went through a rough stage of dealing with an Ectopic Pregnacy, in which he has not been there for me. Whenever I speak about it, I cry about it and he just turns a blind eye and doesn't listen.
    Ignoring the rest of the post for a minute, an ectopic pregnancy?! And he isn't there for you?! :eek:

    This seems open and shut to me just from this. I know it would do, I'm not in the relationship, but the way I see it, pregnancy is one of the times when you need as much support as possible, and an ectopic pregnancy needs more support than normal, because it can be so devastating.

    (I'm guessing) he is the father of the embryo, so he should take responsibility for that support first and foremost. If no support is given here, then when?

    Sometimes a text can make all the difference, but with you going on holiday (I'm guessing he knows about it) he's probably sensing the end of something, I certainly am.

    Sorry for judging your relationship so harshly, but there's my advice. Good luck!
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    I feel a bit sorry for the boyfriend here as well as the OP. You both had to go through the ectopic pregnancy - not just you. By looks of things, your boyfriend hasn't got over it. It looks like he needs support as well.

    Think back to when the drinking started - what had changed in his life around that time? There are clearly issues on both sides of the relationship here. You should both individually seek help from a counsellor or similar.
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    I think you should speak to your GP. Depression isn't something that can be solved with a few kind words on TSR; you should see a doctor who will at least be able to point you in the direction of the help you need.

    However, as others have said, I think you need to be a little kinder to your boyfriend. It was his child too and I expect he is struggling as well. The reason he probably "turns a blind eye" is because you haven't noticed how it's affecting him too. It's something you need to get through together, and neither of you should make it entirely about yourself.
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    See a GP and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist. Then, talk to your immediate family about your situation. Also, talk about the ectopic pregnancy with someone if not your boyfriend. You need closure and it seems he does too.
 
 
 
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