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Should I tell my boyfriend that I'm pregnant or should I wait until he comes home? Watch

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    Firstly, I'm on anonymous because my boyfriend is on this forum and I don't want him to find out from here.

    We're both 22 and are in our final years at university (we're both doing Masters) and have been dating since our first year (3 years and 4 months).
    He is currently abroad doing a placement for his course and has been gone for five months so far but he came back briefly in the middle of January for a day or two. Up until he left, we'd always used contraception (I was on the pill) but I stopped taking it when he left as I obviously wasn't planning to sleep with anyone.
    When he came back we slept with each other only once, but as we were caught up in the moment of not having seen each other for a while, we forgot to use protection.

    The deed was done and now he won't be coming back until June. I missed my period and went to a doctor and everything and it was confirmed that I was about 12 weeks pregnant.
    There is no doubt that my boyfriend and I will both graduate on time so that isn't an issue, whatever happens. We both have part-time jobs and are both lined up to get pretty good jobs when we finish uni but we also had plans to travel together a bit after we were done. He is especially keen on this.
    My family lives in a different country so won't be of much use and he doesn't get on with his family so we're going to be on our own but I think we should be able to cope, if we choose to keep the baby.

    I really don't want to have an abortion and my boyfriend loves children but still, I'm not sure if he will be ready for this massive step (or if I am for a matter of fact). I absolutely adore him and he is the love of my life and he loves me and is so good to me and we have spoken about moving in together after uni (and travelling) but I don't want to feel like I'm tying him down at this age.

    He currently has no idea that I'm pregnant and I will be 5 months pregnant by the time he get back but I know that if I tell him, he will probably come back early and considering where he is now, it would be such a waste of an opportunity for him that will most likely benefit him later on! But if I don't tell him and we come to the unlikely decision of having an abortion, it will probably be too late plus it may be a bit of a shock.

    What do you guys suggest? Should I tell him now or wait until he comes back to England?

    Thanks
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    Tell him now


    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    You've given enough info that this may not be as anonymous as you think..

    .. but even without that, tell him now.
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    Tell him now then you can make the decision together. He'll probably be more angry when he comes back if you've hidden this from him.
    • #2
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really don't want to have an abortion and my boyfriend loves children but still, I'm not sure if he will be ready for this massive step (or if I am for a matter of fact).
    ...
    He currently has no idea that I'm pregnant and I will be 5 months pregnant by the time he get back but I know that if I tell him, he will probably come back early and considering where he is now, it would be such a waste of an opportunity for him that will most likely benefit him later on! But if I don't tell him and we come to the unlikely decision of having an abortion, it will probably be too late plus it may be a bit of a shock.
    You clearly need to tell him now so you can discuss it while you still have the full range of options including terminating the pregnancy.

    I think discussing it face to face would be helpful but don't see why he'd need to come back early for good even if you decide to continue with the pregnancy..? Nothing much exciting happens till 8 months+!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You clearly need to tell him now so you can discuss it while you still have the full range of options including terminating the pregnancy.

    I think discussing it face to face would be helpful but don't see why he'd need to come back early for good even if you decide to continue with the pregnancy..? Nothing much exciting happens till 8 months+!
    He's just that kind of guy. He technically has the option to come back whenever he wants but then he won't be able to go back and would lose everything that he's worked so hard for. I do want to tell him (and I know that I have to) but I don't know how I would convince him to stay there until his placement is over, that's why I'm so hesitant
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's just that kind of guy. He technically has the option to come back whenever he wants but then he won't be able to go back and would lose everything that he's worked so hard for. I do want to tell him (and I know that I have to) but I don't know how I would convince him to stay there until his placement is over, that's why I'm so hesitant
    You know him best & what would work - but to my mind I think it'd go something like this:

    - If you decide to continue the pregnancy - explain that the placement is an awesome opportunity and once baby is here he won't be able to easily go for that sort of opportunity again - so he needs to make the most of it now & get his career sorted to help support you all!
    He'll be back by the time you're 5 months anyway & be just about to start having a bump/feeling the baby kick etc. so at the moment isn't 'missing out' on anything - the 2nd trimester is the 'easy' part where most women barely feel pregnant - definitely my experience!


    - If you decide you're not going to continue the pregnancy then you arrange things quickly so that he can be around for physical & emotional support immediately surrounding. Then if you think you can manage emotionally with him at a distance you say he should go back because you want things to get back to normal rather than wallowing and for you both to move on with your lives so you can be in a good position on day to consider having a family together.
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    Tell him now. That way you can both decide on what to do. Plus less chance of someone else telling him or him finding out accidentally.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    Tell him now. He needs to have his own chance to make decisions based on adequate information.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    You'll most like look quite pregnant when he comes back, so he might not be happy you've kept this from him. I say tell him now.
 
 
 
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