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Am I being paranoid? )warning: long post) Watch

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    This is going to be kind of long and complicated but bear with me because I am very confused about the situation.

    So I have this friend, I've been friends with him for a little over three years now and over that period of time, he's seemed to be kind of obsessive and I wasn't 100% comfortable with his behaviour. At first, he didn't really bother me that much, I found him a little weird but we had the same sort of sense of humour and we formed a very strong friendship.

    I started getting uncomfortable with his behaviour about 3 months into the friendship when I got into a relationship with this guy. My friend started to act childish, started to 'like' the same things as me and making sly digs about me and my then boyfriend online and when I confronted him about it, he just said that he was talking about somebody else.
    Fast forward three months on from then, I noticed one day that he was having a bit of a breakdown online so I asked what was up so he sent me a long e-mail back explaining that he had feelings for me but obviously I didn't feel the same way as I was in a relationship with someone else, so I just let him down gently and assumed that we could put the whole thing to bed and move on. Wrong. He continued to kick up a fuss by insisting that we were perfect for each other and that me and that my then boyfriend was an idiot, this naturally prompted me to fall out with him and we didn't talk for a month or so.
    After I split up with my boyfriend, we resumed our friendship and everything seemed to be as normal for about a year. Things really started to get bizarre when we both started uni; I started liking someone from uni and he, for some strange reason, figured this out despite the fact that we went to different uni's and I never really spoke about my feelings for this person to anyone, especially since I knew he didn't like me back. So again, my friend started with the sly digs online but I just ignored them since I couldn't be bothered falling out with him again. A couple of months down the line, the person I liked got into a relationship with someone else which I was kind of gutted about but I got over it pretty quickly but my friend started buying me all these extravagant gifts (I realise that accepting them was wrong but he always put me in a position where I couldn't refuse them). Anyway, the gift giving got to a stage where it was too ridiculous to not get suspicious about it so I explained to him that I didn't like him in that way and you just can't buy my feelings, especially since he was in the process of dropping out of uni and didn't have a job but he insisted that he did it because he wanted to cheer him up. Obviously, I didn't buy it since there is a difference between just cheering a friend up and getting them expensive stuff.
    Fast forward to the summer of last year, we were both on a night out and I got very drunk and hooked up with another person, he then stormed out of the club and wouldn't return my calls for the next three days. Finally, after a while he stopped giving me the silent treatment and told me that he was in love with me and again, I explained to him that I wasn't interested and that time, I decided that I should keep my distance for a while because I just felt that as long as I was in contact with him he would want something more. Unfortunately, we're in the same circle of friends so avoiding each other was difficult so we started talking again and he started seeing someone else and hanging out with other people so we saw each other a lot less. About 2 months ago, he started messaging me A LOT on Facebook, it was like 6/7/8 times a day and I told to calm it down because I found it overbearing but his response was that he did it because we hardly ever see each other but obviously, it was difficult for me because I had a lot on in uni and stuff so I just told him that.
    Right now, we hardly talk as much. He seems to be focusing his attention more on someone else in the new group of friends he has but whenever he gets in touch with me it's usually something that is likely to provoke a reaction from me like an inappropriate comment about me or trying to start an argument. I never really take the bait because I know that's what he wants.

    I know I probably should have cut all ties with him a long time ago, especially since it's gotten to a point where I can't cut ties with him. Do you think that I should be wary of his behaviour? or is it just a serious case of nice guy syndrome? I'm seriously confused right, please help
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    He sounds like he's obsessed with you, he's been really weird towards you throughout your friendship it seems. It seems like he still likes you a lot and I think you need to distance yourself. If he has a new group of friends, maybe you can get away with not talking/seeing him for a while. Definitely be weary of his behaviour. You need to get rid!
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    (Original post by amou)
    He sounds like he's obsessed with you, he's been really weird towards you throughout your friendship it seems. It seems like he still likes you a lot and I think you need to distance yourself. If he has a new group of friends, maybe you can get away with not talking/seeing him for a while. Definitely be weary of his behaviour. You need to get rid!
    I really want to cut all ties with him but he's in the same circle of friends as me so it's quite difficult in a way but yeah, the fact that he's got a new group of friends is a good opportunity to keep him at arm's length and hopefully, it'll help him move on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really want to cut all ties with him but he's in the same circle of friends as me so it's quite difficult in a way but yeah, the fact that he's got a new group of friends is a good opportunity to keep him at arm's length and hopefully, it'll help him move on.
    So far it sounds like you've been quite 'nice' about it all either to prevent hurting his feelings or avoid confrontation. If you have no choice but to remain in contact in some way, you need to be firm and show him his behaviour won't be tolerated. He sounds like a manipulative character anyway so definitely keep at arms length.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is going to be kind of long and complicated but bear with me because I am very confused about the situation.

    So I have this friend, I've been friends with him for a little over three years now and over that period of time, he's seemed to be kind of obsessive and I wasn't 100% comfortable with his behaviour. At first, he didn't really bother me that much, I found him a little weird but we had the same sort of sense of humour and we formed a very strong friendship.

    I started getting uncomfortable with his behaviour about 3 months into the friendship when I got into a relationship with this guy. My friend started to act childish, started to 'like' the same things as me and making sly digs about me and my then boyfriend online and when I confronted him about it, he just said that he was talking about somebody else.
    Fast forward three months on from then, I noticed one day that he was having a bit of a breakdown online so I asked what was up so he sent me a long e-mail back explaining that he had feelings for me but obviously I didn't feel the same way as I was in a relationship with someone else, so I just let him down gently and assumed that we could put the whole thing to bed and move on. Wrong. He continued to kick up a fuss by insisting that we were perfect for each other and that me and that my then boyfriend was an idiot, this naturally prompted me to fall out with him and we didn't talk for a month or so.
    After I split up with my boyfriend, we resumed our friendship and everything seemed to be as normal for about a year. Things really started to get bizarre when we both started uni; I started liking someone from uni and he, for some strange reason, figured this out despite the fact that we went to different uni's and I never really spoke about my feelings for this person to anyone, especially since I knew he didn't like me back. So again, my friend started with the sly digs online but I just ignored them since I couldn't be bothered falling out with him again. A couple of months down the line, the person I liked got into a relationship with someone else which I was kind of gutted about but I got over it pretty quickly but my friend started buying me all these extravagant gifts (I realise that accepting them was wrong but he always put me in a position where I couldn't refuse them). Anyway, the gift giving got to a stage where it was too ridiculous to not get suspicious about it so I explained to him that I didn't like him in that way and you just can't buy my feelings, especially since he was in the process of dropping out of uni and didn't have a job but he insisted that he did it because he wanted to cheer him up. Obviously, I didn't buy it since there is a difference between just cheering a friend up and getting them expensive stuff.
    Fast forward to the summer of last year, we were both on a night out and I got very drunk and hooked up with another person, he then stormed out of the club and wouldn't return my calls for the next three days. Finally, after a while he stopped giving me the silent treatment and told me that he was in love with me and again, I explained to him that I wasn't interested and that time, I decided that I should keep my distance for a while because I just felt that as long as I was in contact with him he would want something more. Unfortunately, we're in the same circle of friends so avoiding each other was difficult so we started talking again and he started seeing someone else and hanging out with other people so we saw each other a lot less. About 2 months ago, he started messaging me A LOT on Facebook, it was like 6/7/8 times a day and I told to calm it down because I found it overbearing but his response was that he did it because we hardly ever see each other but obviously, it was difficult for me because I had a lot on in uni and stuff so I just told him that.
    Right now, we hardly talk as much. He seems to be focusing his attention more on someone else in the new group of friends he has but whenever he gets in touch with me it's usually something that is likely to provoke a reaction from me like an inappropriate comment about me or trying to start an argument. I never really take the bait because I know that's what he wants.

    I know I probably should have cut all ties with him a long time ago, especially since it's gotten to a point where I can't cut ties with him. Do you think that I should be wary of his behaviour? or is it just a serious case of nice guy syndrome? I'm seriously confused right, please help
    He's unheathily obsessed with you. You've repeatedly told him you have no feelings for him yet he has ignored this. You need to cut contact with him.
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    (Original post by Nomes89)
    So far it sounds like you've been quite 'nice' about it all either to prevent hurting his feelings or avoid confrontation. If you have no choice but to remain in contact in some way, you need to be firm and show him his behaviour won't be tolerated. He sounds like a manipulative character anyway so definitely keep at arms length.
    I agree that I have been too nice about it in the past and there's no doubt that he has taken advantage of that but lately, I've been a lot less tolerant of his behaviour and I think that's why he hasn't gotten in touch as much. However, i can't help but feel that it's not the last I've heard of him and to a certain extent, I'm kind of scared of of how he will react if he realised that I was to cut ties with him or if got into another relationship with someone else but again, this could just be me over-thinking things (because I have been known to do that :rolleyes:).
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    (Original post by pink pineapple)
    He's unheathily obsessed with you. You've repeatedly told him you have no feelings for him yet he has ignored this. You need to cut contact with him.
    Basically this. You haven't been unclear, you've told him repeatedly you're not interested. He will keep carrying around some level of obsession as long as possible, it'll flare up whenever circumstances change and he thinks he might have a chance, and in the end it will all lead to drama. Avoid him as much as possible.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I agree that I have been too nice about it in the past and there's no doubt that he has taken advantage of that but lately, I've been a lot less tolerant of his behaviour and I think that's why he hasn't gotten in touch as much. However, i can't help but feel that it's not the last I've heard of him and to a certain extent, I'm kind of scared of of how he will react if he realised that I was to cut ties with him or if got into another relationship with someone else but again, this could just be me over-thinking things (because I have been known to do that :rolleyes:).
    I don't think you're paranoid. I've seen it happen a number of times to a close friend hence why I think you should take a hardline against it. If he really is that obsessed, there's little you can do except to keep your distance as much as possible and remain aloof. Speak to someone you trust about it too so they're aware and you don't feel alone in the whole thing.
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    Behold your neurotic obsessive stalker secret admirer :-D and run like hell ahahahah
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    (Original post by ManifoldManifest)
    Basically this. You haven't been unclear, you've told him repeatedly you're not interested. He will keep carrying around some level of obsession as long as possible, it'll flare up whenever circumstances change and he thinks he might have a chance, and in the end it will all lead to drama. Avoid him as much as possible.
    (Original post by pink pineapple)
    He's unheathily obsessed with you. You've repeatedly told him you have no feelings for him yet he has ignored this. You need to cut contact with him.
    (Original post by Nomes89)
    I don't think you're paranoid. I've seen it happen a number of times to a close friend hence why I think you should take a hardline against it. If he really is that obsessed, there's little you can do except to keep your distance as much as possible and remain aloof. Speak to someone you trust about it too so they're aware and you don't feel alone in the whole thing.
    (Original post by Riku)
    Behold your neurotic obsessive stalker secret admirer :-D and run like hell ahahahah
    I'm definitely going to keep my distance now, at first I thought it was just me being paranoid but you guys made it obvious that I'm not. My other friends know what he's like with me so I think they'll understand if I don't want to be around him.
    I'm hoping that now he's found new friends, he'll start to leave me alone and move on.

    Thanks for your help everyone!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    This is going to sound harsh but this is partially your fault. You have been enabling him. That said, there is no excuse for what he is doing. You need to cut all contact, block him and ignore him. Send him a message explaining why and do not respond to anything he sends.


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    (Original post by LightBlueSoldier)
    This is going to sound harsh but this is partially your fault. You have been enabling him. That said, there is no excuse for what he is doing. You need to cut all contact, block him and ignore him. Send him a message explaining why and do not respond to anything he sends.


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    Yeah, I realise that but at the time, he played a lot of mind games so I never really knew what to do for the best so I just did whatever caused less confrontation.

    He hasn't bothered me as much lately and like I said, he seems to have moved on to someone else so right now I'll just keep my distance whilst being civil but if he starts harassing me again, I'll just cut all ties with him.
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    No, he seems like a psycho. Cut ties.
 
 
 
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