Rubbish at socialising

I don't know if I have a problem or if its just Ive been unlucky but Ive never been one to go clubbing and go out at night. Im 20 and don't have a problem making friends but Ive always wanted to go out at night regular but just never had the right opportunity.

For example in high school I had a group of friends but all of them were the 'good' type who stayed in and did homework most nights, in college I had very few friends (the type that didn't go clubbing) cause I was really quiet, weird and probably seen as a nerd lol. One of them went clubbing but she had her own friends and I couldnt exactly say ' Can I start going clubbing with you and your friends'. Anyway at University I made a few friends but lived at home while everyone else lived in halls, I quit after a while as I didn't like the course. Now I have random friends who are not the type to go out and don't know each other.
Im planning on going back to college to do something else but its in a different town and I'l be living at home again. I know this sounds sad but its true lol, Ive not even started doing the stuff that most 14 year olds do (bf's etc) and now its too late!

I just don't know what to say to people when on Fridays they ask 'are you going out tonight' I can't really say that I want to but Ive got the wrong type of friends. :confused:

What am I doing wrong? Is it me or do I not mix well?

Reply 1

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

14

Anonymous

I don't know if I have a problem or if its just Ive been unlucky but Ive never been one to go clubbing and go out at night. Im 20 and don't have a problem making friends but Ive always wanted to go out at night regular but just never had the right opportunity.

For example in high school I had a group of friends but all of them were the 'good' type who stayed in and did homework most nights, in college I had very few friends (the type that didn't go clubbing) cause I was really quiet, weird and probably seen as a nerd lol. One of them went clubbing but she had her own friends and I couldnt exactly say ' Can I start going clubbing with you and your friends'. Anyway at University I made a few friends but lived at home while everyone else lived in halls, I quit after a while as I didn't like the course. Now I have random friends who are not the type to go out and don't know each other.
Im planning on going back to college to do something else but its in a different town and I'l be living at home again. I know this sounds sad but its true lol, Ive not even started doing the stuff that most 14 year olds do (bf's etc) and now its too late!

I just don't know what to say to people when on Fridays they ask 'are you going out tonight' I can't really say that I want to but Ive got the wrong type of friends. :confused:

What am I doing wrong? Is it me or do I not mix well?

Nothings ever too late.... you said you are moving to a different town for college etc well think of it this way you could make friends there regardless of them being the "good" kind or not and start of slowly by intoriducing yourself to people on your course and just kinda go out to pubs or the student union if theres something going on....just gain confidence and allow people to know you are there!!! you are the essence and aura of the place etc....be as confident as you can and others will see this by doing this you are helping your social status in regards of being very quiet etc to going out and being the life of a party.....its all about confidence and starting off small and allowing it to grow :smile:

- ohhh and regards to people asking you to go out.......they may actually be implying that you should go out witht hem....just tell them yeah I'd love to but none of my mates will come out etc.... and in this situation the person may actually ask you to come along with them instead :smile:

just give it a go :smile:

Reply 2

lala_land

When you go to college again can you not live in the halls?

Why don't you invite all your friends out clubbing one day, that way they can get to know each other too and you can have one big friendship group.

Or you could even try going out clubbing on your own, might sound scary but random people will come and talk/dance etc with you so theres another opportunity to make friends there.

Reply 3

fat_hobbit

2

Anonymous

I don't know if I have a problem or if its just Ive been unlucky but Ive never been one to go clubbing and go out at night. Im 20 and don't have a problem making friends but Ive always wanted to go out at night regular but just never had the right opportunity.

For example in high school I had a group of friends but all of them were the 'good' type who stayed in and did homework most nights, in college I had very few friends (the type that didn't go clubbing) cause I was really quiet, weird and probably seen as a nerd lol. One of them went clubbing but she had her own friends and I couldnt exactly say ' Can I start going clubbing with you and your friends'. Anyway at University I made a few friends but lived at home while everyone else lived in halls, I quit after a while as I didn't like the course. Now I have random friends who are not the type to go out and don't know each other.
Im planning on going back to college to do something else but its in a different town and I'l be living at home again. I know this sounds sad but its true lol, Ive not even started doing the stuff that most 14 year olds do (bf's etc) and now its too late!

I just don't know what to say to people when on Fridays they ask 'are you going out tonight' I can't really say that I want to but Ive got the wrong type of friends. :confused:

What am I doing wrong? Is it me or do I not mix well?

Only really been going clubbing since going uni. Found it odd at first being put into such an environment, so your not weird :smile:

Your just not used to it.

To get over that, spend time with your friends/clubbing or not. It seems as though from what you wrote that they are offering in an indirect manner to go out with you on a night out. By asking you "if you have anything planned?". So, thats a start.

Clubbing might not be your thing, I know many girls that dislike it. If that is the case, don't worry :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

xyz2k6

Only really been going clubbing since going uni. Found it odd at first being put into such an environment, so your not weird :smile:

Your just not used to it.

To get over that, spend time with your friends/clubbing or not. It seems as though from what you wrote that they are offering in an indirect manner to go out with you on a night out. By asking you "if you have anything planned?". So, thats a start.

Clubbing might not be your thing, I know many girls that dislike it. If that is the case, don't worry :smile:

No its not my friends who ask if I have anything planned its other people like hairdressers lol. I feel really stupid and never know what to say, im going to have to start making stuff up :p:

To whoever made the suggestion of getting all my friends together and going out its a bit hard cause one of them is getting married and its against her religion to go clubbing, another one is pregnant and probably won't be able to get out much in the future and another one has her own life and doesn't like clubbing. I just have random friends here and there :p:

As for moving out I said that I wasn't moving out Id still be living at home I have pets to take care of plus I'l admit Id rather stay at home.

Thanks for the replies

Reply 5

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

14

Anonymous

No its not my friends who ask if I have anything planned its other people like hairdressers lol. I feel really stupid and never know what to say, im going to have to start making stuff up :p:

To whoever made the suggestion of getting all my friends together and going out its a bit hard cause one of them is getting married and its against her religion to go clubbing, another one is pregnant and probably won't be able to get out much in the future and another one has her own life and doesn't like clubbing. I just have random friends here and there :p:

As for moving out I said that I wasn't moving out Id still be living at home I have pets to take care of plus I'l admit Id rather stay at home.

Thanks for the replies

You'll make friends on your new course just introduce yourself casually etc and things hopefully should fall into place easier that way :smile:

Reply 6

lala_land

What about the going alone idea? I mean you've got nothing to lose...

Is the reason you'd rather stay home because you feel more comfortable there? because sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zones to meet others and socialise more.

Atleast your allowed to go out at night, I have very strict parents who i have to lie to about going out, then just spend the whole night worrying if they'll catch me or not :rolleyes:

Reply 7

fat_hobbit

2

lala_land

What about the going alone idea? I mean you've got nothing to lose...

Is the reason you'd rather stay home because you feel more comfortable there? because sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zones to meet others and socialise more.

Atleast your allowed to go out at night, I have very strict parents who i have to lie to about going out, then just spend the whole night worrying if they'll catch me or not :rolleyes:

Going out alone is probably one of the worse things to do. For starters, you will get disheartened if you dont end up meeting anyone. Secondly , you have to have the confidence to approach people. Thirdly, its boring not having any company on a night out to begin with - plus not to mention it does work out cheaper and safer if you are with a group of people.

Reply 8

djmm

15

Unlucky. Become whatever religion your friend is which stipulates that as a member of that organisation and belief you're not allowed to go out. Then you can tell the hairdressers and you won't sound like such a geek! :biggrin:

Reply 9

lala_land

xyz2k6

Going out alone is probably one of the worse things to do. For starters, you will get disheartened if you dont end up meeting anyone. Secondly , you have to have the confidence to approach people. Thirdly, its boring not having any company on a night out to begin with - plus not to mention it does work out cheaper and safer if you are with a group of people.

Yes, but if it's impossible to go out with friends, it's better to go out on your own then to just stay at home, especially to places like clubs where it is easy to meet new people

Reply 10

fat_hobbit

2

lala_land

Yes, but if it's impossible to go out with friends, it's better to go out on your own then to just stay at home, especially to places like clubs where it is easy to meet new people

Is it? Or is there often a certain degree of gameplaying involved?

Well I guess being a woman helps.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

hm Ive never heard of anyone going on there own expecially a female, it might make me look even more sad. At the moment all I can do is pretend that I hate clubbing, when its something Ive always wanted to try.

Reply 12

djmm

15

It's not all it's cracked up to be. Been doing it for almost 7 years now and have got well and truly bored. You could always act like the 'too mature' (element of snobbery would be beneficial) type, and pretend you don't want to.

Reply 13

puppy

What's stopping you going to the clubs? You're 20, plenty old enough to take yourself off out to a club, you don't need a group of people to hold your hand.

Reply 14

puppy

Anonymous

hm Ive never heard of anyone going on there own expecially a female, it might make me look even more sad. At the moment all I can do is pretend that I hate clubbing, when its something Ive always wanted to try.

I go out alone occassionally and I know others who do it. I'm not sad.

Reply 15

Jim-ie

14

Anonymous

I don't know if I have a problem or if its just Ive been unlucky but Ive never been one to go clubbing and go out at night. Im 20 and don't have a problem making friends but Ive always wanted to go out at night regular but just never had the right opportunity.

For example in high school I had a group of friends but all of them were the 'good' type who stayed in and did homework most nights, in college I had very few friends (the type that didn't go clubbing) cause I was really quiet, weird and probably seen as a nerd lol. One of them went clubbing but she had her own friends and I couldnt exactly say ' Can I start going clubbing with you and your friends'. Anyway at University I made a few friends but lived at home while everyone else lived in halls, I quit after a while as I didn't like the course. Now I have random friends who are not the type to go out and don't know each other.
Im planning on going back to college to do something else but its in a different town and I'l be living at home again. I know this sounds sad but its true lol, Ive not even started doing the stuff that most 14 year olds do (bf's etc) and now its too late!

I just don't know what to say to people when on Fridays they ask 'are you going out tonight' I can't really say that I want to but Ive got the wrong type of friends. :confused:

What am I doing wrong? Is it me or do I not mix well?

Get your mates toghether and go out for a drink in a pub. After a while of that, go to a club one night and have a good time.

I didnt start going to clubs til I was about 18 and to be honest I've been to that many (including working in one for a year), I'm sick of them and rarely go to them.

The more friends you make, the better, as far as I'm concerned.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

djmarkmclachlan

It's not all it's cracked up to be. Been doing it for almost 7 years now and have got well and truly bored. You could always act like the 'too mature' (element of snobbery would be beneficial) type, and pretend you don't want to.

Good idea lol come to think about it my friend is exactly like that! The thing is im small and look really young for my age, also have quite a immature personality so it would be hard for me. I can't avoid looking like a geek. :redface: