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Muslim family - moving out for uni and death threats? Please help! Watch

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    This is pretty complicated but I'll make it as short as I can.

    I'm a 17 year old girl (18 in a month) and my family is muslim. My life is extremely restricted - I'm basically not allowed out of the house unless it's for school. My parents plan to keep it this way until I'm married so my husband can control me.

    They have panned for me to go the uni of their choice, I will love at home whilst studying and then after I graduate they want me to go back to our home country and get married and stay at home.

    This is not an option for me; I want a normal western life (as in move out, make my own decisions and be independent) but they won't accept this.

    So I have planned to move out secretly against their wishes and not come back. However, my dad has told me numerous times that if I 'stepped out of line' he would kill me, and considering he has been violent towards me before, I believe him. Nevertheless, I'm still moving out and if he tries anything I'm just going to call the police. My mum is siding with my dad also so there's no chance of working this out 'nicely'.

    But I have younger siblings - sisters who are 6 and 16, brothers who are 13 and 5. I know that when I leave they'll most likely be forced to go back to our country where my dad will be able to control them in any way he wants without police interference. My sisters won't get a decent education or anything but even if I don't leave we'll all be forced to go back there anyway.

    Am I being totally selfish?
    I want to get out of this house - should I leave how I have planned?

    Note - finically I should be alright since I'm applying for student loans (not relying on parents' money) and will search for a part time job while at uni, which I'm sure would be able to hell if I explain my situation.
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    Death threats from your family? :eek:

    I would say that on balance, no, you're not being selfish...
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    (Original post by QB3Y)
    This is pretty complicated but I'll make it as short as I can.

    I'm a 17 year old girl (18 in a month) and my family is muslim. My life is extremely restricted - I'm basically not allowed out of the house unless it's for school. My parents plan to keep it this way until I'm married so my husband can control me.

    They have panned for me to go the uni of their choice, I will love at home whilst studying and then after I graduate they want me to go back to our home country and get married and stay at home.

    This is not an option for me; I want a normal western life (as in move out, make my own decisions and be independent) but they won't accept this.

    So I have planned to move out secretly against their wishes and not come back. However, my dad has told me numerous times that if I 'stepped out of line' he would kill me, and considering he has been violent towards me before, I believe him. Nevertheless, I'm still moving out and if he tries anything I'm just going to call the police. My mum is siding with my dad also so there's no chance of working this out 'nicely'.

    But I have younger siblings - sisters who are 6 and 16, brothers who are 13 and 5. I know that when I leave they'll most likely be forced to go back to our country where my dad will be able to control them in any way he wants without police interference. My sisters won't get a decent education or anything but even if I don't leave we'll all be forced to go back there anyway.

    Am I being totally selfish?
    I want to get out of this house - should I leave how I have planned?

    Note - finically I should be alright since I'm applying for student loans (not relying on parents' money) and will search for a part time job while at uni, which I'm sure would be able to hell if I explain my situation.
    Are you Pakistani? And does your family by any chance originate from a village back home?

    Because that kinda views are really hard to break and usually has to do with a lot of cultural non-sense, which in itself brings huge issues in such communities in relation to "pride" and "honour" which is really messed up. If you have any uncles/aunts or cousins who live their own lives who have differing views to that of your immediate family? If so I suggest you seek their support before considering to move out.
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    call childline, ask for support, they'd provide better insight than tsr.
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    (Original post by QB3Y)
    This is pretty complicated but I'll make it as short as I can.

    I'm a 17 year old girl (18 in a month) and my family is muslim. My life is extremely restricted - I'm basically not allowed out of the house unless it's for school. My parents plan to keep it this way until I'm married so my husband can control me.

    They have panned for me to go the uni of their choice, I will love at home whilst studying and then after I graduate they want me to go back to our home country and get married and stay at home.

    This is not an option for me; I want a normal western life (as in move out, make my own decisions and be independent) but they won't accept this.

    So I have planned to move out secretly against their wishes and not come back. However, my dad has told me numerous times that if I 'stepped out of line' he would kill me, and considering he has been violent towards me before, I believe him. Nevertheless, I'm still moving out and if he tries anything I'm just going to call the police. My mum is siding with my dad also so there's no chance of working this out 'nicely'.

    But I have younger siblings - sisters who are 6 and 16, brothers who are 13 and 5. I know that when I leave they'll most likely be forced to go back to our country where my dad will be able to control them in any way he wants without police interference. My sisters won't get a decent education or anything but even if I don't leave we'll all be forced to go back there anyway.

    Am I being totally selfish?
    I want to get out of this house - should I leave how I have planned?

    Note - finically I should be alright since I'm applying for student loans (not relying on parents' money) and will search for a part time job while at uni, which I'm sure would be able to hell if I explain my situation.
    This is so sad, I was going to say yeah just move out but then I read about your brothers and sisters. Unfortunately no one can change your parents. I heard of this really good organisation that helps with our cultural issues called 'Black sisters'. Google them and give them a call. You are a good sister to consider about your siblings. Good luck OP, but remember you only get this life once.


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    Think about it logically - if you stay, your siblings will be forced to live a life of oppression and misery; if you go, your siblings will be forced to live a life of oppression and misery. If you save yourself, you may be in a better position to help them out one day, if possible when the time comes...
    Such a sad situation. Why don't you contact your local imam to talk some sense into them and say what they are doing is un-Islamic?

    Hope it works out for you :erm:
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    You are not selfish and you have every right to reach for something you want and NOT your parents. I just don't understand how the hell parents could threaten their children :erm: Sorry but they shouldn't be called parents. I really wish such people never existed :erm:
 
 
 
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