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how can i know if we're right for each-other if she's my first girlfriend? Watch

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    We've been together 1 year. I care about her a lot and think i love her, but sometimes i don't know.

    I feel like things are good, but sometimes i feel like we're so different in so many ways and i wonder how we will possibly survive when i leave for uni in september. She's my first girlfriend and i'm her first boyfriend and, whilst we care about eachother greatly (and she is madly in love with me) i can't help but hesitate because i have nothing to compare this to.

    I don't know how to know if this is right for me because i don't know any different :/ what should i do? lots of people say "break up, first loves aren't meant to last forever- that's how we know who the right person is! from comparing the experience to others" but i don't want to throw anything away if i will regret it
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    It's wrong that we 'know' who the right person is from comparing experience to others. I don't know many people who would say that. Logically, yes, first loves will not last but this is more likely because people will have them when they're a bit younger, and will grow up struggling to keep things together as they mature. Which is nobody's fault at all. It sounds a little like this could be happening with you. I wouldn't be worried about it being your 'first love' and that's why it shouldn't be the right one, I would be worried because after a year, and with her being 'madly in love with you', you still only 'think' that you love her and say that you 'care' for her before the love. That's a red flag to me.

    I'm with my first love and I'm pretty sure, as much as I can be, that he is the 'right' one, and we have had huge issues. But I don't think you're supposed to know, either, and certainly not after a year. The fact that you want to know something like this so much is another red flag; there are worries and then there's making a thread for your fears, and the latter does suggest a bit more than a simple 'curiosity'.

    I think you should have a big think about what you want, about whether you want to continue this at university or whether these thoughts are becoming an excuse for you to think negatively about the future for you both. Work out what it is you have an issue with a little more specifically, and then communicate with your girlfriend so that there's no confusion, and that she has a chance to respond to these questions herself before you take any 'rash' choices alone.
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    Cheesy, but you just know. I guess it's when you wouldn't want to think is throwing it away because of how much that person means to you.
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    (Original post by awe)
    It's wrong that we 'know' who the right person is from comparing experience to others. I don't know many people who would say that. Logically, yes, first loves will not last but this is more likely because people will have them when they're a bit younger, and will grow up struggling to keep things together as they mature. Which is nobody's fault at all. It sounds a little like this could be happening with you. I wouldn't be worried about it being your 'first love' and that's why it shouldn't be the right one, I would be worried because after a year, and with her being 'madly in love with you', you still only 'think' that you love her and say that you 'care' for her before the love. That's a red flag to me.

    I'm with my first love and I'm pretty sure, as much as I can be, that he is the 'right' one, and we have had huge issues. But I don't think you're supposed to know, either, and certainly not after a year. The fact that you want to know something like this so much is another red flag; there are worries and then there's making a thread for your fears, and the latter does suggest a bit more than a simple 'curiosity'.

    I think you should have a big think about what you want, about whether you want to continue this at university or whether these thoughts are becoming an excuse for you to think negatively about the future for you both. Work out what it is you have an issue with a little more specifically, and then communicate with your girlfriend so that there's no confusion, and that she has a chance to respond to these questions herself before you take any 'rash' choices alone.
    I love her, but she is infatuated with me and it makes me almost feel guilty because i don't have the same kind of obsessive attached love that she does.

    I felt the exact same way a few months ago but as the newness and infatuation fades and now i'm just becoming more comfortable around her, as with all relationships, and i'm just finding myself asking if she really is the perfect match for me, because i've never been close to anyone else like this before so how am i meant to know? :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I love her, but she is infatuated with me and it makes me almost feel guilty because i don't have the same kind of obsessive attached love that she does.

    I felt the exact same way a few months ago but as the newness and infatuation fades and now i'm just becoming more comfortable around her, as with all relationships, and i'm just finding myself asking if she really is the perfect match for me, because i've never been close to anyone else like this before so how am i meant to know? :/
    You said 'think' first! P: People show their love in very different ways. Also, if you have a problem with the way she shows hers, you need to talk to her about that or it could become something that you will hate. She may not realise you see it as 'obsessive attached love' but it probably isn't something she feels a need to do at the same time.

    Again, I just think if you are thinking that strongly about such issues, this relationship isn't going to be the 'one'. It's something only you know, it's your own thought process. For e.g if I fretted about this I'd just be able to answer all those questions and fears because of the love I have... but understandably, being younger and about to start a huge new part of your life, you can't answer the questions. But being impatient to have these answers after less than a year doesn't bode well for the future, surely? Still think you just have to think it out and talk to her.
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    Why is attached love obsessive? Are we supposed to remain detached? Oh right yeah forgot that rule-don't love anyone or let them in 100%
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Why is attached love obsessive? Are we supposed to remain detached? Oh right yeah forgot that rule-don't love anyone or let them in 100%
    It's not good to be completely dependent on them I think, it suggests that a relationship is unhealthy.

    To the OP though, over time I'm sure she'll be a bit less attached-like as well, for her I guess it's still a bit honeymoony. Just because she is acting like that though, doesn't mean much. In a month or 2 she might feel how you feel right now. In your position I would break up before uni, just because the relationship doesn't seem stable enough to stand the test of time, it would just make it painful during uni and you would spend a lot of time trying to keep things together with her that you could have spent developing your social skills and forming friendships at uni. Being in a relationship really does affect the rest of your social life especially if you're just meeting new people in a new place.
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    Did you both have your first sexual experiences with each other too? (On whatever level) How far away are your universities?


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    (Original post by jazzie14)
    Did you both have your first sexual experiences with each other too? (On whatever level) How far away are your universities?


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    Yes, and a 45 minute drive (not massive but it will involve getting the train etc. since neither of us will be able to run a car).

    I don't really know what i want to do, honestly a part of me likes the idea of being single at uni and mingling and not having to worry about a relationship, but i still love her and if i decided to break it off we'd both be hurt

    confusing stuff :/
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    I feel like this video is appropriate here

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    I really don't...why are there so many posters on this forum who get into relationships with people they find are boring or have little in common with? Jesus, did you even bother getting to know your partner? Or did you just reason that "she's hot"? Too many couples these days have no substance to their relationships whatsoever...

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    (Original post by Катя)
    I feel like this video is appropriate here

    'Please rate some other members before rating this member again.' amg still?!
    It hurts hard that someone can post Minchin but not receive my rep.



    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, and a 45 minute drive (not massive but it will involve getting the train etc. since neither of us will be able to run a car).

    I don't really know what i want to do, honestly a part of me likes the idea of being single at uni and mingling and not having to worry about a relationship, but i still love her and if i decided to break it off we'd both be hurt

    confusing stuff :/
    Seriously, if you're having these thoughts to this point now, I do think it will be really hard when the struggles of being separated come up to stick to the 'good stuff'. Possibly, definitely, but very hard. It doesn't sound like you'll be totally set on keeping this going through the 3/4 years of university to me? Tis very confusing but I think you'll have to come to a conclusion of some kind soon if you're thinking about these issues, can't really just let them linger on and then potentially break up because of them in first year. If you think you're going to do it, it would be better to do it before university.

    (Original post by Abstraction)
    I really don't...why are there so many posters on this forum who get into relationships with people they find are boring or have little in common with? Jesus, did you even bother getting to know your partner? Or did you just reason that "she's hot"? Too many couples these days have no substance to their relationships whatsoever...

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    I don't know if that's 100% the case here and think that's a little too angry for this OP in particular - but I really do agree in general. It's fine so long as it's easy-going, but then situations come around that require serious thought and stress, similar to this one i.e moving on to university, and I think people find it hard to acknowledge that they didn't 'have' to get together or come to that point in such a way. Instead they perhaps should have just been casual all along, but being serious becomes 'cool' at some point. It's hard to word, but I do agree for some couples I see.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We've been together 1 year. I care about her a lot and think i love her, but sometimes i don't know.

    I feel like things are good, but sometimes i feel like we're so different in so many ways and i wonder how we will possibly survive when i leave for uni in september. She's my first girlfriend and i'm her first boyfriend and, whilst we care about eachother greatly (and she is madly in love with me) i can't help but hesitate because i have nothing to compare this to.

    I don't know how to know if this is right for me because i don't know any different :/ what should i do? lots of people say "break up, first loves aren't meant to last forever- that's how we know who the right person is! from comparing the experience to others" but i don't want to throw anything away if i will regret it
    Don't throw away something good. If she's not right for you, most likely you will eventually find out regardless


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    (Original post by Катя)
    I feel like this video is appropriate here

    Damn, beat me to it XD
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We've been together 1 year. I care about her a lot and think i love her, but sometimes i don't know.

    I feel like things are good, but sometimes i feel like we're so different in so many ways and i wonder how we will possibly survive when i leave for uni in september. She's my first girlfriend and i'm her first boyfriend and, whilst we care about eachother greatly (and she is madly in love with me) i can't help but hesitate because i have nothing to compare this to.

    I don't know how to know if this is right for me because i don't know any different :/ what should i do? lots of people say "break up, first loves aren't meant to last forever- that's how we know who the right person is! from comparing the experience to others" but i don't want to throw anything away if i will regret it
    If you're good mates as well as, then all is well! Though problems can develop which ruin the relationship, and sometimes its not repairable. I suppose the main thing is that you're both happy - some people marry their firsts
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    I feel this in general. There are so many guys on this planet so how do I know I am really with my soulmate or with someone I think is my soulmate but there is potentially way more compatible guys with me out there that I'm just not aware of.
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    I first started 'going out' with my girlfriend when we were 14. I'm now 22 in May.

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