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Boyfriend doesn't want sex as often as I do Watch

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    I think for the most part of our relationship (about 2 years), I've been the one who was interested in sex more often than him but it this hasn't bothered me until a few months ago, when we started having sex less often than before, to the point where it now happens about every 2 weeks. Is that the average for young people? I used to be happy with 2-3 times a week.

    To be fair, it does seem like there is a reason for sex not to happen most nights (we don't live together, he has a flatmate, a lot of times they have people over, we're both busy until late in the evening and then we're tired or feel that we have to go to sleep soon because we have to get up early etc) However, I wonder whether there is another reason, as I assume most people have to deal with similar circumstances and nothing in those circumstances changed for us either. He seems to like spending time with me as much as before, this is the only thing that changed.

    I've tried talking to him, and he said that he just hasn't been feeling like it lately. I can't see what more we can discuss on the subject. I feel petty for being bothered about this, but it's an annoyance. I can't help thinking that I'm missing out on an essential part of having a relationship. Is this normal/ a phase that will pass, considering it's been like this for about 3 or 4 months?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think for the most part of our relationship (about 2 years), I've been the one who was interested in sex more often than him but it this hasn't bothered me until a few months ago, when we started having sex less often than before, to the point where it now happens about every 2 weeks. Is that the average for young people? I used to be happy with 2-3 times a week.

    To be fair, it does seem like there is a reason for sex not to happen most nights (we don't live together, he has a flatmate, a lot of times they have people over, we're both busy until late in the evening and then we're tired or feel that we have to go to sleep soon because we have to get up early etc) However, I wonder whether there is another reason, as I assume most people have to deal with similar circumstances and nothing in those circumstances changed for us either. He seems to like spending time with me as much as before, this is the only thing that changed.

    I've tried talking to him, and he said that he just hasn't been feeling like it lately. I can't see what more we can discuss on the subject. I feel petty for being bothered about this, but it's an annoyance. I can't help thinking that I'm missing out on an essential part of having a relationship. Is this normal/ a phase that will pass, considering it's been like this for about 3 or 4 months?
    Can't you just don lingerie and heels?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think for the most part of our relationship (about 2 years), I've been the one who was interested in sex more often than him but it this hasn't bothered me until a few months ago, when we started having sex less often than before, to the point where it now happens about every 2 weeks. Is that the average for young people? I used to be happy with 2-3 times a week.

    To be fair, it does seem like there is a reason for sex not to happen most nights (we don't live together, he has a flatmate, a lot of times they have people over, we're both busy until late in the evening and then we're tired or feel that we have to go to sleep soon because we have to get up early etc) However, I wonder whether there is another reason, as I assume most people have to deal with similar circumstances and nothing in those circumstances changed for us either. He seems to like spending time with me as much as before, this is the only thing that changed.

    I've tried talking to him, and he said that he just hasn't been feeling like it lately. I can't see what more we can discuss on the subject. I feel petty for being bothered about this, but it's an annoyance. I can't help thinking that I'm missing out on an essential part of having a relationship. Is this normal/ a phase that will pass, considering it's been like this for about 3 or 4 months?
    He must be gay...
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    There's massive variation between people and the things that are going on in his life - if he's busy and tired then that would be pretty normal.
    Every 2 weeks isn't too bad. Though, as you say, 2-3 times a week would be... favourable.
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    Inb4 'he must be gay'

    Edit: Damn, beaten to the punch already....
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    My guess would be that "he just hasn't been feeling like it lately" is just a tiny portion of the truth. Even if it's not, it's still worth it to try to bring it up again in my opinion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think for the most part of our relationship (about 2 years), I've been the one who was interested in sex more often than him but it this hasn't bothered me until a few months ago, when we started having sex less often than before, to the point where it now happens about every 2 weeks. Is that the average for young people? I used to be happy with 2-3 times a week.

    To be fair, it does seem like there is a reason for sex not to happen most nights (we don't live together, he has a flatmate, a lot of times they have people over, we're both busy until late in the evening and then we're tired or feel that we have to go to sleep soon because we have to get up early etc) However, I wonder whether there is another reason, as I assume most people have to deal with similar circumstances and nothing in those circumstances changed for us either. He seems to like spending time with me as much as before, this is the only thing that changed.

    I've tried talking to him, and he said that he just hasn't been feeling like it lately. I can't see what more we can discuss on the subject. I feel petty for being bothered about this, but it's an annoyance. I can't help thinking that I'm missing out on an essential part of having a relationship. Is this normal/ a phase that will pass, considering it's been like this for about 3 or 4 months?
    I think you just have to talk to him about this. I've had it before - not living together, working, tired, stressed, bloated, difficulties about the bed/room/noise/whatever. It all builds up and just results in nothing really happening. But the point is, if I've got it right, it's not that he's gone off sex itself, it's just going off the 'effort' that having sex requires sometimes at the end of the day.

    I think you should do two things - talk to him about it, firstly. It's totally something you can be candid about. Don't just ask what's up (assuming that's what you did), really suggest that you know he enjoys the sex so feel that you could 'both' make a bit more effort to have it more often. It would seem pushy in another context, but considering this is a change and there are all these factors working against you two having sex, I think it could be worth just trying to encourage more effort with a little bit more encouragement than perhaps you already have. I think when you start doing that and can try finding time for it here and there, he will realise it was daft to ever stop having it a little more frequently. At least, that's what I did. P: The second thing is to really make the sex good when you are having it. Make it brilliant every time, truly enjoy it. Afterwards, he'll think '****, why haven't I been saying yes to that more often?!'

    If all of the above is missing the point completely, and you really think you want to be having sex more often, you have to take it seriously. 3 or 4 months is quite a long 'phase' I'm afraid. Would you leave him over something like this? I think it would be fine to, it's not petty to want someone compatible with you in this aspect of the relationship, but so long as you are sure it's that important to you thus won't regret it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think for the most part of our relationship (about 2 years), I've been the one who was interested in sex more often than him but it this hasn't bothered me until a few months ago, when we started having sex less often than before, to the point where it now happens about every 2 weeks. Is that the average for young people? I used to be happy with 2-3 times a week.

    To be fair, it does seem like there is a reason for sex not to happen most nights (we don't live together, he has a flatmate, a lot of times they have people over, we're both busy until late in the evening and then we're tired or feel that we have to go to sleep soon because we have to get up early etc) However, I wonder whether there is another reason, as I assume most people have to deal with similar circumstances and nothing in those circumstances changed for us either. He seems to like spending time with me as much as before, this is the only thing that changed.

    I've tried talking to him, and he said that he just hasn't been feeling like it lately. I can't see what more we can discuss on the subject. I feel petty for being bothered about this, but it's an annoyance. I can't help thinking that I'm missing out on an essential part of having a relationship. Is this normal/ a phase that will pass, considering it's been like this for about 3 or 4 months?
    What kind of a guy doesn't want sex? I assume he finds you attractive?

    In the relationships I've been in we've had sex from between 3 times a week (more because we were both working 100+ hour weeks than we didn't want to do it more) and twice a day. No idea what's normal.


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    Why are you upset because you feel rejected or just because you are horny and want sex?
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    (Original post by LightBlueSoldier)
    What kind of a guy doesn't want sex? I assume he finds you attractive?

    In the relationships I've been in we've had sex from between 3 times a week (more because we were both working 100+ hour weeks than we didn't want to do it more) and twice a day. No idea what's normal.


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    How would I know if he finds me attractive or not?

    (Original post by awe)
    I think you just have to talk to him about this. I've had it before - not living together, working, tired, stressed, bloated, difficulties about the bed/room/noise/whatever. It all builds up and just results in nothing really happening. But the point is, if I've got it right, it's not that he's gone off sex itself, it's just going off the 'effort' that having sex requires sometimes at the end of the day.

    I think you should do two things - talk to him about it, firstly. It's totally something you can be candid about. Don't just ask what's up (assuming that's what you did), really suggest that you know he enjoys the sex so feel that you could 'both' make a bit more effort to have it more often. It would seem pushy in another context, but considering this is a change and there are all these factors working against you two having sex, I think it could be worth just trying to encourage more effort with a little bit more encouragement than perhaps you already have. I think when you start doing that and can try finding time for it here and there, he will realise it was daft to ever stop having it a little more frequently. At least, that's what I did. P: The second thing is to really make the sex good when you are having it. Make it brilliant every time, truly enjoy it. Afterwards, he'll think '****, why haven't I been saying yes to that more often?!'

    If all of the above is missing the point completely, and you really think you want to be having sex more often, you have to take it seriously. 3 or 4 months is quite a long 'phase' I'm afraid. Would you leave him over something like this? I think it would be fine to, it's not petty to want someone compatible with you in this aspect of the relationship, but so long as you are sure it's that important to you thus won't regret it.
    Thank you for being supportive. The weird thing is, when we do have sex, it's always really good for both of us, I just don't understand why it happens so infrequently. I've been reluctant to insist on talking about it because he doesn't have a lot of patience with the subject/ reacts as if I'm absurd for questioning the reasons. I don't want him to perceive it as me nagging him or being desperate, as I hear that's considered unattractive :P But I agree, it is probably worth bringing up one more time. It makes me sad because I don't consider it a valid reason to break up and I know I would have to compromise and accept it. I'm otherwise enjoying having him as a boyfriend. If we could get a little more privacy and a little more free time, I'm sure that would help, but that just doesn't seem to be happening very soon.

    (Original post by Guy Secretan)
    Why are you upset because you feel rejected or just because you are horny and want sex?
    The second one only happens once in a while and is temporary. The rejection definitely hurts more and I get constant reminders about it when people in relationships are talking about sex and I wonder what is wrong with me or with this relationship.
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    sTART watching porn in front of him and masturbate
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    I think less than weekly is likely to develop some sexual tension in most relationships. However sex drive mismatch is a reality in longer term relationships and in my experience it is difficult to do much about it. At least you confound the stereotype of the guy wanting more. All I can think of is to try to put aside more time in you busy schedules for romance and sex. Alternatively you need to talk it through.
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    I'm currently in a relationship of 4 and a half years, having sex once every two months because he doesn't want it any more often than that.

    Try and deal with it now, otherwise you'll be in the same position as me 2 years down the line.
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    Is he stressed? I know when I am in a stressful period as a guy my sex drive drops (although once every 2 weeks is ridiculous, more like once every day at a low point.)

    And OP I know it's been said in here in quite flippant ways but have you actually tried putting some effort in to make him attracted to you? Same old thing again and again is dull. Treat him.
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    Would break up or do open relationship.
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    May be he's overworked or there's something else going on. Try to be aware of that. Also, have you considered that there might be a small chance that he's no longer attracted to you the way he was when you started dating?
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    He's banging someone else

    I guarantee it.jpeg
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think for the most part of our relationship (about 2 years), I've been the one who was interested in sex more often than him but it this hasn't bothered me until a few months ago, when we started having sex less often than before, to the point where it now happens about every 2 weeks. Is that the average for young people? I used to be happy with 2-3 times a week.

    To be fair, it does seem like there is a reason for sex not to happen most nights (we don't live together, he has a flatmate, a lot of times they have people over, we're both busy until late in the evening and then we're tired or feel that we have to go to sleep soon because we have to get up early etc) However, I wonder whether there is another reason, as I assume most people have to deal with similar circumstances and nothing in those circumstances changed for us either. He seems to like spending time with me as much as before, this is the only thing that changed.

    I've tried talking to him, and he said that he just hasn't been feeling like it lately. I can't see what more we can discuss on the subject. I feel petty for being bothered about this, but it's an annoyance. I can't help thinking that I'm missing out on an essential part of having a relationship. Is this normal/ a phase that will pass, considering it's been like this for about 3 or 4 months?
    Sex just gets less interesting when you've been with the person for a fair while. You can try to deal with this by making more effort to turn him on, sometimes the problem is just that you fall into a routine and there's not much attempt from either party to do anything about it. Sex drives do also fall as you get older although after only two years this probably isn't the issue.
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    Sex is fun when it's transgressive. 2 years etc makes your relationship routine. You have to inject some spiciness into it. Guys are easy, just put on some sexy clothes, be aggressive and tease him mercilessly. Making it into a big serious issue that needs to be interminably talked through is probably the least effective way to get him in the mood.
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    (Original post by Danz123)
    Inb4 'he must be gay'

    Edit: Damn, beaten to the punch already...
    You do know that it shows on your post that you've edited it or not.. you didn't.. so you typed edit even though you hadn't posted yet. That's.. weird.

    --
    OP: It's quite normal if you don't live together, you're both busy, and you don't have your own place. Also everyone's sex drive changes over time, not just in one direction, it can easily change back again. But sometimes it can signal that something's not right. Is everything okay apart from the lack of sex? Do you both enjoy it when it happens? Does he realise how much it means to you? I'm not a highly sexual human being (lol) but it got to a point a few years ago when my boyfriend and I hadn't done it for almost a month, and we spent a lot of time alone together. I just never prioritised it, and still don't, but I make much more of an effort now that I know how much it means to him.
 
 
 
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