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Help! Should I cut these people out of my life for good? Watch

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    For a while now, we've struggled with my partner's brother's partner and her family. They're the type of people who seem to thrive on *****ing and trouble - which is fine when I'm not a part of it.

    Over the past year or so, we have been going round in circles with her spreading a rumour about me or my partner (or just outright lies sometimes), me getting wound up about it having to hear from other people that she's been writing things about me online, not seeing her for a month or so, and then getting an apology from her.

    I have now realised that this is going to carry on happening for the rest of our lives, because apologies don't seem to change the way she behaves. She obviously talks about me a lot because her family have posted things about me online as well. It's horrible to have people telling me that they've written a status about me and to see the conversation they're having about me - in public - underneath the status whilst not being able to defend myself because she had blocked my personal account.

    Anyway, two weeks ago she completely crossed the line, and it resulted in her shouting insults in my face and me ending up in tears. I never fight back, I hate trouble and am a bit of a wimp lol, and up to this point I have just taken whatever she's thrown at me and accepted apologies as and when they come because, again, it would cause trouble not to accept them. After this, myself and my partner, plus some of his family (her in-laws) have decided that we want nothing more to do with her. Things were said to them as well which I'm not prepared to talk about on here because it's not my business to discuss, however I do know that my partner's cousin has considered suicide because of something relating to what was said. We made that particular thing right though, thank goodness.

    My partner's brother has begged us to just drop it - but I can't. Yes, okay, this time - but why should I do that knowing that trouble will be caused again and we'll be in this exact situation? Okay, so it will be awkward and we'll have to go out with him separately to her, but if I was with her I literally couldn't speak because anything I said could be taken and posted online later. If I drop what's happened, I will just be wondering when it's going to kick off again, and I don't think I have the energy for it anymore.

    We've known this woman for 6 years and, although it's only relatively recently (last year or so) been us that she's caused trouble for, we've seen it happen between her and other people, so it's not something that's going to change.

    I know it seems like a huge step to say we're not seeing his partner anymore, and I hope they will be happy together because she doesn't seem to cause trouble for him, but I don't think I can possibly warrant spending any of my time with someone who acts like this.

    We have such a short time on this planet, and I don't want to waste a single second on someone who can act like this.

    What do you think? I am justified?
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    They're the type of people who seem to thrive on *****ing and trouble
    This isn't fine, and on this basis alone it is worth severing connections to the point of removing regular contact.
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    (Original post by ModernScholar)
    This isn't fine, and on this basis alone it is worth severing connections to the point of removing regular contact.
    This is what I thought. I don't know how people can evolve to be like that but then I wonder if it's just me being a wimp. But either way they make things very difficult!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Anyway, two weeks ago she completely crossed the line, and it resulted in her shouting insults in my face and me ending up in tears. I never fight back, I hate trouble and am a bit of a wimp lol, and up to this point I have just taken whatever she's thrown at me and accepted apologies as and when they come because, again, it would cause trouble not to accept them.
    might be something to do with this... if you dont assert yourself and stand up for yourself, they will continue to walk all over you. it can be hard to gain the confidence to be assertive, but you need to do it otherwise this will continue. its basically fight or flight, yeah cutting them out might make it seem like theyve 'went away' but if they saw you in person theyd still know they could walk all over you and treat you horribly and you wont do anything about it. youre in control, its your choice what you do. if they are causing so much trouble then yes, cut them out. if they arent actually bringing any positives to your life then say good bye, i wouldnt even take time to think about it if things are that bad. try to imagine if it were the other way around, if you were treating someone this way do you think theyd just stand by and let you do it? no of course not, theyd tell you where to go and never speak to you again! so my best advice is to start thinking about yourself and your own needs and stop letting these people walk all over you. i bet if you stand up for yourself, even just go completely mental and scream and shout, theyll get a fright and back off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For a while now, we've struggled with my partner's brother's partner and her family. They're the type of people who seem to thrive on *****ing and trouble - which is fine when I'm not a part of it.

    Over the past year or so, we have been going round in circles with her spreading a rumour about me or my partner (or just outright lies sometimes), me getting wound up about it having to hear from other people that she's been writing things about me online, not seeing her for a month or so, and then getting an apology from her.

    I have now realised that this is going to carry on happening for the rest of our lives, because apologies don't seem to change the way she behaves. She obviously talks about me a lot because her family have posted things about me online as well. It's horrible to have people telling me that they've written a status about me and to see the conversation they're having about me - in public - underneath the status whilst not being able to defend myself because she had blocked my personal account.

    Anyway, two weeks ago she completely crossed the line, and it resulted in her shouting insults in my face and me ending up in tears. I never fight back, I hate trouble and am a bit of a wimp lol, and up to this point I have just taken whatever she's thrown at me and accepted apologies as and when they come because, again, it would cause trouble not to accept them. After this, myself and my partner, plus some of his family (her in-laws) have decided that we want nothing more to do with her. Things were said to them as well which I'm not prepared to talk about on here because it's not my business to discuss, however I do know that my partner's cousin has considered suicide because of something relating to what was said. We made that particular thing right though, thank goodness.

    My partner's brother has begged us to just drop it - but I can't. Yes, okay, this time - but why should I do that knowing that trouble will be caused again and we'll be in this exact situation? Okay, so it will be awkward and we'll have to go out with him separately to her, but if I was with her I literally couldn't speak because anything I said could be taken and posted online later. If I drop what's happened, I will just be wondering when it's going to kick off again, and I don't think I have the energy for it anymore.

    We've known this woman for 6 years and, although it's only relatively recently (last year or so) been us that she's caused trouble for, we've seen it happen between her and other people, so it's not something that's going to change.

    I know it seems like a huge step to say we're not seeing his partner anymore, and I hope they will be happy together because she doesn't seem to cause trouble for him, but I don't think I can possibly warrant spending any of my time with someone who acts like this.

    We have such a short time on this planet, and I don't want to waste a single second on someone who can act like this.

    What do you think? I am justified?
    I think it's very heartless for your partner's brother to just say "drop it" when she's making your lives a living hell. Why don't you get the police involved? Either that or just smack the **** out of her and she'll leave you alone. :lol: You need to stop being "a wimp" after all. But as you've said, she made someone suicidal at one point and that is absolutely not OK. She's a bully and she needs sorting out. Or take it on Jeremy Kyle. :lol: That's what I would personally do, Jezza all the way. :yy:

    I really think though, in all seriousness, that you and your partner should just cut off all contact from the brother and the partner because so long as you're in contact with them, the misery that she's causing will just carry on. If I was your partner, I'd give my brother an ultimatum- leave her or you lose us for good! You should really consider scrapping contact though, with EVERYONE involved except your partner. But stand your ground first. Tell her exactly what a piece of scum she is and fight for yourself, and if that doesn't work, just leave them all behind. And consider Jeremy too.
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    (Original post by Chocolatesoup)
    might be something to do with this... if you dont assert yourself and stand up for yourself, they will continue to walk all over you. it can be hard to gain the confidence to be assertive, but you need to do it otherwise this will continue. its basically fight or flight, yeah cutting them out might make it seem like theyve 'went away' but if they saw you in person theyd still know they could walk all over you and treat you horribly and you wont do anything about it. youre in control, its your choice what you do. if they are causing so much trouble then yes, cut them out. if they arent actually bringing any positives to your life then say good bye, i wouldnt even take time to think about it if things are that bad. try to imagine if it were the other way around, if you were treating someone this way do you think theyd just stand by and let you do it? no of course not, theyd tell you where to go and never speak to you again! so my best advice is to start thinking about yourself and your own needs and stop letting these people walk all over you. i bet if you stand up for yourself, even just go completely mental and scream and shout, theyll get a fright and back off.
    It won't work - my boyfriend's Mum has done all the yelling and screaming and whatnot, they don't respond to it, in fact if anything they thrive off it. Because then they have an excuse to get even more people involved and throw even more insults at you. It's not that I'm not assertive in general, it's more that I don't feel as though I understand why they do this, so therefore don't know how to deal with it. The randomness of the "attacks" and comments gets me - you'll think everything is fine and then BAM it's not again.

    (Original post by Rainbow Student)
    I think it's very heartless for your partner's brother to just say "drop it" when she's making your lives a living hell. Why don't you get the police involved? Either that or just smack the **** out of her and she'll leave you alone. :lol: You need to stop being "a wimp" after all. But as you've said, she made someone suicidal at one point and that is absolutely not OK. She's a bully and she needs sorting out. Or take it on Jeremy Kyle. :lol: That's what I would personally do, Jezza all the way. :yy:

    I really think though, in all seriousness, that you and your partner should just cut off all contact from the brother and the partner because so long as you're in contact with them, the misery that she's causing will just carry on. If I was your partner, I'd give my brother an ultimatum- leave her or you lose us for good! You should really consider scrapping contact though, with EVERYONE involved except your partner. But stand your ground first. Tell her exactly what a piece of scum she is and fight for yourself, and if that doesn't work, just leave them all behind. And consider Jeremy too.
    I'm very glad you said that about my partner's brother, because I felt a bit let down by him, as though he should be standing up for what's right. Not for me particularly, I'm not his concern, but at least for his family. I'm not sure if it's quite crossed the line of having police involvement yet, they might just laugh me away. But some of the things she's done have been borderline illegal if not completely so. I did suggest Jezza the other day actually haha but people didn't seem to see the funny side.. too soon I guess! Not sure what he'd do anyway, because there's no "problem", she just creates them.

    I'm a bit reluctant to cut the whole of his family out because they're as much victims in this as we are. But I also know that I can't carry on being friendly with them if they're still acting fake with her, because I would worry about what was being said behind my back.

    It's such a hard situation. I keep thinking back to see if I've done anything that could be remotely offensive, but I haven't, and I don't think they're the type of people who would have held a grudge - they'd have just come out and said it!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It won't work - my boyfriend's Mum has done all the yelling and screaming and whatnot, they don't respond to it, in fact if anything they thrive off it. Because then they have an excuse to get even more people involved and throw even more insults at you. It's not that I'm not assertive in general, it's more that I don't feel as though I understand why they do this, so therefore don't know how to deal with it. The randomness of the "attacks" and comments gets me - you'll think everything is fine and then BAM it's not again.



    I'm very glad you said that about my partner's brother, because I felt a bit let down by him, as though he should be standing up for what's right. Not for me particularly, I'm not his concern, but at least for his family. I'm not sure if it's quite crossed the line of having police involvement yet, they might just laugh me away. But some of the things she's done have been borderline illegal if not completely so. I did suggest Jezza the other day actually haha but people didn't seem to see the funny side.. too soon I guess! Not sure what he'd do anyway, because there's no "problem", she just creates them.

    I'm a bit reluctant to cut the whole of his family out because they're as much victims in this as we are. But I also know that I can't carry on being friendly with them if they're still acting fake with her, because I would worry about what was being said behind my back.


    It's such a hard situation. I keep thinking back to see if I've done anything that could be remotely offensive, but I haven't, and I don't think they're the type of people who would have held a grudge - they'd have just come out and said it!
    Then why don't all of you just cut all contact with her off? More to the point, why doesn't your partner's brother just dump her if he's not doing it either? If he dumps her then she's out of the family for good.


    And I stand by what I said about the brother. He sounds like a ****.

    And suggesting Jezza isn't funny, (unless you said it jokey), and the police thing... maybe they will laugh you off... or maybe they won't. You'll have to try and see, won't you? Why don't you report the "illegal stuff" then and just use the legal but mean stuff as a flavouring of her crimes? They can actually step in you know, and they should.

    None of this is your fault, she's just being a downright *****. You deserve better and all of you should just scrap contact with her if she's making everyone's lives a misery. It's not fair and it's pathetic. I hope one day you do take it to Jezza coz I'd love to see the episode and see everyone laugh and shake heads at her. :lol:

    I don't know what else to suggest but I wish you all the best of luck in solving the situation. We're all here for you. :hugs:
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    Just to update you on this situation, because I found the thread again.

    My partner's brother now has NO contact with his family, and she made him choose, and he did.

    We were all gutted about it, but in a way things ARE better now, because the only contact we were having was negative contact anyway.

    I hope and pray that, at some point, his eyes will open and he will make things right with his family before it's too late. Particularly with his mum because she's not well. But it looks as though for the moment, if there are any winners, she's it.
 
 
 
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