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    (Please only post this anonymously)

    So this post is about my sister.

    So some background first: we live in a Muslim household, but it is not what you might think. My parents do not hold a tyrannical rule over us as some of you might believe. There are some rules, e.g. no pork, no drinking, no boyfriend/girlfriend, but we are allowed to be friends with boys and girls. They only have some small expectations of us, like good grades, respect and for us to pray regularly (you might say it's a big commitment, but it only takes about 5 minutes, so no excuse unless there's a good reason).

    My sister follows the basic rules (I think) of not eating pork, etc... but she does not live up to the expectations. She does not respect our parents fully (she shouts at them sometimes, talks back, doesn't listen, sometimes even calls my mum names), her grades are around or below average and she only prays sometimes. They don't tell her to wear a head scarf, she wears what she wants. She is stressing them out big time. Just this morning she said she wanted to go to a sleepover, but due to her past history of not doing what she tells my parents, they told her no (this is like the first time they've gone against her wishes), and then she made a big fuss out of it and upset both of them.

    And if she doesn't get what she wants, she acts all depressed and upset. In the past, she used to cut herself because she was depressed for some reason, but thankfully she stopped. When my parents found out they were extremely upset and took her to loads of psychiatrists to try and resolve the issue, but she was still rebellious.

    What can we do??
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    Let her do what she wants....It's her life.
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    (Original post by Scott.)
    Let her do what she wants....It's her life.
    They only want to protect her. She can do almost anything that she wants, but is it unreasonable for her to respect us and listen to my parents' advice?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They only want to protect her. She can do almost anything that she wants, but is it unreasonable for her to respect us and listen to my parents' advice?
    She can listen to the advice, but she doesn't have to use it. If something happens, it's her fault. People learn from their mistakes.
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    (Original post by Scott.)
    She can listen to the advice, but she doesn't have to use it. If something happens, it's her fault. People learn from their mistakes.
    That's the approach my parents are taking now. Do you think that they should force her not to do something if they know it's bad for her? (like going out really late at night? She's only 15)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's the approach my parents are taking now. Do you think that they should force her not to do something if they know it's bad for her? (like going out really late at night? She's only 15)
    that's so commonplace nowadays though. house parties and sleepovers and whatever are normal for a 15 year old. tbh sounds like she's rebelling and I would in that situation. I would despise being forced to be strictly religious and not even be 'allowed' to have feelings for a boyfriend or whatever.
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    I would say she just wants to experience being a teenager, which as above mentioned, involves the like of parties and sleepovers and whatnot. I know that that your parents want what is best for her, but restricting her from doing something so commonplace isn't going to help her view of them.

    The only way people will learn from mistakes is if they actually make the mistake in the first place, so I'd be against what I see is unnecessary mollycoddling. You say she respects the basic rules of no pork or alcohol (Though perhaps doesn't pray as much), so I don't see why something like a sleepover or going out would be so bad?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...

    Sounds like you have terrible parents and they are harming your sister.


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's the approach my parents are taking now. Do you think that they should force her not to do something if they know it's bad for her? (like going out really late at night? She's only 15)
    Tons of people stay out late as teens. It's not a bad thing.


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    It's pretty hard to force a 15year old to do anything, if she isn't respecting them now then I doubt she will if they become stricter.
    i don't come from a religious household but the things she is doing sound like typical teenage problems and not particularly excessive, it is something many parents go through.
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    Your sister wants the freedom to choose her own way of life, it sounds like your parents are not discussing this with her but are forcing their way of life on her. That was probably why she cut herself, it's a way of dealing with pain or lack or control over your life. All parents do this to some extent but yours are being stricter than most, therefore your sister is rebelling more than most teenage girls. There is nothing unusual about teenage girls talking back to and stressing their parents - been there myself

    Your parents can force her to conform for now but then she may try to run off with someone, anyone, to escape the house. Or they could give her a bit more freedom and hope she grows up. If she isn't being honest with them about what she does they could phone the other parents and check there really is a sleepover and if the parents will be around. Some strict non-muslim parents would do that or would just refuse to let a 15 year old go. They might also do things like take your phone away or not let you go anywhere if they caught you lying.

    Your parents shouldn't expect good grades, they can expect hard work. Sometimes people can't manage good grades, it's not always their fault.

    Your sister could do with someone to explain to your parents that they are being very strict and they need to talk to her about why they have these rules and how she can earn more freedom by being trustworthy.
 
 
 
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