Are my parents in the right? (money issue)

Im not being greedy or anything cause I don't really care but its just the principle of the thing. Basically my grandad died 5 years ago and left his grandchildren a grand to have when we were 21. Im 19 now and his oldest grandchild is 32 (my cousin), he got his 5 years ago. My mum and aunty (his children) are thinking of selling his house and they are constantly saying that me and my other 19 year old cousin shouldn't be getting anything and they would hate to giveus it cause why should we get it? My mum says that I owe her money for tuition fees that she paid towards my University (I ended up quiting) so admitted I do owe it her anyway . His house that they are selling they decorated, and I helped a lot with this by painting etc and mentioned it to my mum and she said well so you should ,you should be volunteering to help like that at your age. Though my oldest cousin has not helped at all and has recieved what he was promised.

Im not bothered really but its more the principle of the thing, what do you think? Are they being nasty lol or is it me feeling mad at nothing.

Reply 1

Dav'

Your grandad died, was the £1,000 in his will? I take it that it was. You're entitled to that money, and know-one can refuse you that money. They can appeal against it, via lawyers/court, etc.. but i doubt that would happen. Not for the reasons you stated.

Reply 2

bedbug

14

Your grandad left that money to you for you to decide what you want to do with it. It should therefore be yours to spend as you choose, not your parents' to take off you. It's technically stealing if you think about it. Fair enough, they've spent a lot of money on you over the years but they chose to have you, surely they knew you were going to cost a fair bit! I don't think they're being reasonable as it's not their money to claim.

Reply 3

Lofty

13

Your mum can't treat you like a little baby now and tell you what you do and dont do with your money. Just because she thinks shes entitled to it, doesnt mean she can make the decision. Assuming its in the will as Dav said, then yeah, when you are 21 its yours to do what you want with.

Reply 4

blondemoment

can you retrospectively claim that ppl owe you money that was given as a gift [ie tuition fees, if they didnt tell you they were to pay back]?

you see this is why ppl, even family, have contracts.

and this money, although they may feel that you owe them this precise sum, legally i belive it still has to come to you, and if you choose to pay your mum with in then thats your decision

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Ok, I just wanted other peoples opinions on this apart from my relative's, the will said that his grandchildren should each recieve there £1000 when they were 18, they did ask me when I was 18 if I wanted it and they advised me then to wait until I was 21 when I would be more mature (im no more mature lol) so I said fine. Im in no rush or anything but I just think its really nasty what they are planning on saying to me (that I owe them money anyway). I have paid my mum some of it back by buying odd things off ebay for her and I suppose helping with all the painting and decorating.

Reply 6

quinny132

If your mum said when you joined uni that she would pay your tuition out of that money then fine. If not, she has no right to take that money from you. I gave my brother a phone a while back, i now owe him £40. Should i say to him that i aint giving him it as the phone was worth more. I wouldn't dream of it and thats just between me and him.

What you should think of is, im sure the same applies to you. If i was to die and i said that i want such a person to recieve something and they never recieved it i would be hugely offended (well i wouldnt i'd be dead but you get my point lol). Your grandad wanted you to have the money and i don't think you should just let your mum take that money just because shes your mum and you respect her.

Reply 7

tomHHHH

Anonymous

Ok, I just wanted other peoples opinions on this apart from my relative's, the will said that his grandchildren should each recieve there £1000 when they were 18, they did ask me when I was 18 if I wanted it and they advised me then to wait until I was 21 when I would be more mature (im no more mature lol) so I said fine. Im in no rush or anything but I just think its really nasty what they are planning on saying to me (that I owe them money anyway). I have paid my mum some of it back by buying odd things off ebay for her and I suppose helping with all the painting and decorating.

its yours mate and theres nothing she can do about it

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

quinny132

If your mum said when you joined uni that she would pay your tuition out of that money then fine. If not, she has no right to take that money from you. I gave my brother a phone a while back, i now owe him £40. Should i say to him that i aint giving him it as the phone was worth more. I wouldn't dream of it and thats just between me and him.

What you should think of is, im sure the same applies to you. If i was to die and i said that i want such a person to recieve something and they never recieved it i would be hugely offended (well i wouldnt i'd be dead but you get my point lol). Your grandad wanted you to have the money and i don't think you should just let your mum take that money just because shes your mum and you respect her.

She didn't say anything about the will money when she paid for the tuition, Ive just thought if she gets that in her head that will be another excuse lol, I know what you mean its all about respecting peoples wishes thats the whole point in a will, to be honest though I don't think he would have minded whether my mum got the £1000 or me. Though when he died my mum and aunt got left a larger sum of money along with the house etc. Its just I can't believe what they are trying to say and even if they changed there minds and gave it too me I would now feel guilty about taking it.

Reply 9

crazy4dancin

It's a bit of a tough one really if you owe your mum a grand then it would make sense for her to keep the money to settle it because a grand will go to her anyway. Does that make sense? Legally it is your money though. When my nan died my mum was going to put 3 grand in an isa but we decided not to because I was on a course which cost £6750 so I agreed that my 3 grand could go towards that because they pay soooooooooooo much for mexx

Reply 10

True Love

Anonymous

Ok, I just wanted other peoples opinions on this apart from my relative's, the will said that his grandchildren should each recieve there £1000 when they were 18, they did ask me when I was 18 if I wanted it and they advised me then to wait until I was 21 when I would be more mature (im no more mature lol) so I said fine. Im in no rush or anything but I just think its really nasty what they are planning on saying to me (that I owe them money anyway). I have paid my mum some of it back by buying odd things off ebay for her and I suppose helping with all the painting and decorating.

See, i have a REAL problem with parents who think that their child "owes" them for putting them through higher education! PArental love should be unconditional. That means, they love you no matter what. Expecting the child to "pay them back" somehow, to me doesn't mean unconditional at all! Parents in my idea should be selfless!

And if the child feels like they need to pay back, then they should, only when they're financially secure/have the means to pay them back. If you want to give them the £1000, then go ahead. But the reasons for giving it shouldn't be because you feel blackmailed/emotionally guilty for your parents paying for your education!

Reply 11

aleathiel

16

a will is a legal document so really there's nothing anyone can do to stop you getting that money when you turn 21

Reply 12

bunthulhu

14

aleathiel

a will is a legal document so really there's nothing anyone can do to stop you getting that money when you turn 21

Exactly, legally the money is yours, it must be some kind of criminal offense for a person to deny you access of inheritence money when you come of legal age..?

Reply 13

belle_27

14

Originally posted by aleathiel
a will is a legal document so really there's nothing anyone can do to stop you getting that money when you turn 21

True but if his mum decides not to hand over the money then the only way to overrule her decision would be to take her to court, which would cause a family rift and would be expensive.

But I do agree they are being unreasonable. Although I don't think you can expect anything from the sale of the house nor can your mum expect you to pay for your tuition fees. If she asks for repayment then just state that in having you and taking care of you she also takes care of your education (unless stated otherwise, which she didn't) just like you've helped out with decorating the house through caring about her and wanting to help her. As such they counterbalance each other (of that makes sense).

EDIT: bunthulhu its not a criminal offence in any sense, wills reside in their own little legal bubble along with divorce issues whereby disputes over money and where it should reside is often ambiguous.

Reply 14

bunthulhu

14

belle_27

True but if his mum decides not to hand over the money then the only way to overrule her decision would be to take her to court, which would cause a family rift and would be expensive.

But I do agree they are being unreasonable. Although I don't think you can expect anything from the sale of the house nor can your mum expect you to pay for your tuition fees. If she asks for repayment then just state that in having you and taking care of you she also takes care of your education (unless stated otherwise, which she didn't) just like you've helped out with decorating the house through caring about her and wanting to help her. As such they counterbalance each other (of that makes sense).

If there are legal documents stating he is entitled to the money and she is so clearly in the wrong would it really have to go all the way to court? :confused:

Reply 15

belle_27

14

Its either court or a tribunal; most likely a local court. I can't quite remember my year 12 politics notes but its in the papers all the time, rich or famous families taking disputes over money to courts.

Its just like the law, you have to abide by it but it is possible to break it and get away with it. But you have to accept that in breaking it there are consequences i.e. the possibility that you can be caught and punished. Just like in breaking a legal document there can be consequences for doing so but only if someone enforces the legal bindings of the document i.e. taking the matter to court.

Reply 16

Lunar_Scorpion

Speak to a lawyer and get some proper legal advice.

Reply 17

quinny132

i think every one is going abit far on this, i really dont think the guy is going to take his mum to court or set soliceters on her. I would say to her if she doesnt think its right for her to pay your tuition then you don't think its right you help her for free. Tell her that you will charge £7 for every hour you helped her in the house, figure out how much that would come too. Obviously you wont actually take this money off her but it will prove a point.

Reply 18

WokSz

17

Your parents are in the wrong. Your Granddad left it to you to do what you wanted with it. Whether you want to repay your mum for your tuition fees now or later is not for her to decide.

Reply 19

frost105

14

True Love

See, i have a REAL problem with parents who think that their child "owes" them for putting them through higher education! PArental love should be unconditional. That means, they love you no matter what. Expecting the child to "pay them back" somehow, to me doesn't mean unconditional at all! Parents in my idea should be selfless!

No way! If you want higher education then thats your choice! No way should you expect your parents to help you through that!

That £1000 is yours but I admit if your mum wants the money back that she paid ot your tuition fees then you would be best paying her back.

Are my parents in the right? (money issue)

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