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Please native English speakers help me with my essay Watch

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    Hi ,
    I want you to read my essay and make corrections , comments if necessary . I will be very grateful and will appreciate it. Thanks in advance for your time and advices on what to correct. This is very important , in fact it is a personal statement which must be submitted to school , to cut it short I need this for school enrollment . English isn't my native language and I think something may not seem natural or whatever . I don't even live in an English speaking country .So thanks again and of course , I won't hesitate to give you the best answer.
    It's only one page , unfortunately I couldn't upload the word document here , so I uploaded it on speedyshare .http://www.speedyshare.com/cCMxs/Essay.d...

    This is what they ask:
    Describe the world you come from – for example, your family, community or school – and tell us how your world has influenced your development into who you are.

    Why you can succeed in life.
    It is supposed to be 600 words .
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    Seems legit
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    I've PM'd you
 
 
 
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