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Sexually harassed - should I do anything about it? Watch

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    LONG STORY SHORT, about a year ago this group of three guys were harassing me on the school bus. I didn't know them, they touched me inappropriately, and whispered kind of upsetting things in my ear. One of them is now head boy, and ngl, it pisses me off.

    When it happened i had no idea what to do/say about it, even to them. This surprised me because most of the time i'm quite good at standing up for myself.
    This is definitely an issue I need to deal with somehow, because I don't really know how to deal with it, and i've ended up in some funny situations since. So advice on how to deal with situations like this would also be appreciated.

    But what i'm asking is, should I report this to the school? I'm leaving in just under a month for exams, and then permenantly, so it could be a good opportunity as I won't have to see him again (the other two left the school). My main reasons for reporting it would be:

    -friends say need to know they can't get away with it (although they kinda have)
    -friends also say I should land him in hot water before I go, because he deserves it

    personally i don't think anything could come of it because it happened so long ago and he probably won't remember the girl he harassed on the bus. I remember almost every detail, but as the accuser/victim, I don't think that makes much difference. There were witnesses (my friends) who also remember it cus it shocked them (we go to a very middle class school, and we're quite protected from stuff like this)

    but mostly because our school has never considered teaching:

    a) girls to handle sexual harassment
    b) boys not to handle sexual harassment

    and i think this might maybe make them think of that & therefore give save some other girls from this.

    Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    LONG STORY SHORT, about a year ago this group of three guys were harassing me on the school bus. I didn't know them, they touched me inappropriately, and whispered kind of upsetting things in my ear. One of them is now head boy, and ngl, it pisses me off.

    When it happened i had no idea what to do/say about it, even to them. This surprised me because most of the time i'm quite good at standing up for myself.
    This is definitely an issue I need to deal with somehow, because I don't really know how to deal with it, and i've ended up in some funny situations since. So advice on how to deal with situations like this would also be appreciated.

    But what i'm asking is, should I report this to the school? I'm leaving in just under a month for exams, and then permenantly, so it could be a good opportunity as I won't have to see him again (the other two left the school). My main reasons for reporting it would be:

    -friends say need to know they can't get away with it (although they kinda have)
    -friends also say I should land him in hot water before I go, because he deserves it

    personally i don't think anything could come of it because it happened so long ago and he probably won't remember the girl he harassed on the bus. I remember almost every detail, but as the accuser/victim, I don't think that makes much difference. There were witnesses (my friends) who also remember it cus it shocked them (we go to a very middle class school, and we're quite protected from stuff like this)

    but mostly because our school has never considered teaching:

    a) girls to handle sexual harassment
    b) boys not to handle sexual harassment

    and i think this might maybe make them think of that & therefore give save some other girls from this.

    Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!
    Yes, you should report them. It doesn't matter if it was last year or last week, report them so they can be punished. Imagine all the other girls they could have harrassed since then, and believe me, that feeling of chance is not nice.

    I was harassed once by a guy, (a ****ing 12 year old boy might I add), when I was 15 or 16 and I reported it and he vehemently denied it until he realised who had reported him and what he had done and he felt so **** afterwards he wrote a letter of apology. Quite the right thing to do. And you should report it too. If it's not bothering you that much then just leave it, but it sounds like it's bothering you so do it anyway, just in case they've done it to other girls too. Good luck! :hugs:
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    It doesn't matter if you only have 1 month left, these things shouldn't go unpunished. Although the school might not be able to do anything due to the little amount of time left it will probably leave them with bad references in the future. If someone gets away with something the first time, they might think they can get away with it again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    LONG STORY SHORT, about a year ago this group of three guys were harassing me on the school bus. I didn't know them, they touched me inappropriately, and whispered kind of upsetting things in my ear. One of them is now head boy, and ngl, it pisses me off.

    When it happened i had no idea what to do/say about it, even to them. This surprised me because most of the time i'm quite good at standing up for myself.
    This is definitely an issue I need to deal with somehow, because I don't really know how to deal with it, and i've ended up in some funny situations since. So advice on how to deal with situations like this would also be appreciated.

    But what i'm asking is, should I report this to the school? I'm leaving in just under a month for exams, and then permenantly, so it could be a good opportunity as I won't have to see him again (the other two left the school). My main reasons for reporting it would be:

    -friends say need to know they can't get away with it (although they kinda have)
    -friends also say I should land him in hot water before I go, because he deserves it

    personally i don't think anything could come of it because it happened so long ago and he probably won't remember the girl he harassed on the bus. I remember almost every detail, but as the accuser/victim, I don't think that makes much difference. There were witnesses (my friends) who also remember it cus it shocked them (we go to a very middle class school, and we're quite protected from stuff like this)

    but mostly because our school has never considered teaching:

    a) girls to handle sexual harassment
    b) boys not to handle sexual harassment

    and i think this might maybe make them think of that & therefore give save some other girls from this.

    Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!
    Let me just say that it what those boys did to you is totally inappropriate and extremely disgusting. I know you must feel really upset, and I am sorry this has happened to you, but try to keep calm. You could try and tell what had happened to your parents, and discuss with them what to do next. You should also report this to the appropriate personnel at your school, for e.g. your form teacher. What they did is a criminal offence, and they shouldn't get away with it. If all else fails, you may even want to lodge a police report.

    Whatever it is, you should also try not to let the matter affect you, especially when its so close to the exams. Do what you can, and try your very best to move on, as what has happened cannot be undone. The law WILL catch up with them.
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    to be honest I'd be very doubtful your school would take much action against this guy, especially given this is their head boy, they also wont want to look bad, I mean what you described is very vague as well, there is a difference in how people will view 'he grabbed your ass and said get your tits out' to 'he shoved his hands in your pants and told you he was going to rape you', I'm not saying the first one is okay, but I am saying it is a lot more common and will be taken less seriously, if it was the second then you would be more able to pursue a police investigation

    I would say to do whatever you want to, I don't think there's a right and wrong, if you're really struggling to deal with this (and trust me I know it's hard to watch someone who made you feel so disgusting and humiliated become some sort of 'golden boy' while you're left to struggle) then I certainly think you should at least talk to someone about it, if you feel like you need to be honest and you need him to be punished in some way to move forwards then do so, but be aware that there is no garantee of action given how long it has been (although you're in a good position given your friends are on side and witnessed it)

    I really really really think schools should be covering things like consent, respect, assertiveness etc in PSHE lessons, this sort of thing affects so many people and you hear over and over that girls just didn't know what to do or how to react, I'm not saying its the girls fault and she should have to react perfectly, but the number of these situations that happen really show that young girls need to be given some sort of tool
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, you should report them. It doesn't matter if it was last year or last week, report them so they can be punished. Imagine all the other girls they could have harrassed since then, and believe me, that feeling of chance is not nice.

    I was harassed once by a guy, (a ****ing 12 year old boy might I add), when I was 15 or 16 and I reported it and he vehemently denied it until he realised who had reported him and what he had done and he felt so **** afterwards he wrote a letter of apology. Quite the right thing to do. And you should report it too. If it's not bothering you that much then just leave it, but it sounds like it's bothering you so do it anyway, just in case they've done it to other girls too. Good luck! :hugs:
    What I am worried about is what will happen when he (most likely) denies it. I'm sorry for your experience, and I hope it wasn't too bad. But thank you for your response

    (Original post by samtheman96)
    It doesn't matter if you only have 1 month left, these things shouldn't go unpunished. Although the school might not be able to do anything due to the little amount of time left it will probably leave them with bad references in the future. If someone gets away with something the first time, they might think they can get away with it again.
    It does worry me if they think they can get away with it again, but I don't think they even remember it. He definitely doesn't show any signs of recognising me at all.

    (Original post by doodle_333)
    to be honest I'd be very doubtful your school would take much action against this guy, especially given this is their head boy, they also wont want to look bad, I mean what you described is very vague as well, there is a difference in how people will view 'he grabbed your ass and said get your tits out' to 'he shoved his hands in your pants and told you he was going to rape you', I'm not saying the first one is okay, but I am saying it is a lot more common and will be taken less seriously, if it was the second then you would be more able to pursue a police investigation

    I would say to do whatever you want to, I don't think there's a right and wrong, if you're really struggling to deal with this (and trust me I know it's hard to watch someone who made you feel so disgusting and humiliated become some sort of 'golden boy' while you're left to struggle) then I certainly think you should at least talk to someone about it, if you feel like you need to be honest and you need him to be punished in some way to move forwards then do so, but be aware that there is no garantee of action given how long it has been (although you're in a good position given your friends are on side and witnessed it)

    I really really really think schools should be covering things like consent, respect, assertiveness etc in PSHE lessons, this sort of thing affects so many people and you hear over and over that girls just didn't know what to do or how to react, I'm not saying its the girls fault and she should have to react perfectly, but the number of these situations that happen really show that young girls need to be given some sort of tool
    I think, sadly, you're right about the school not taking action. Although some teachers might push for more help to other girls, which really would be the outcome I would want. As him getting in trouble is just so unlikely.
    I didn't describe it further because I didn't want to ramble, but they stroked my hair :unimpressed: , touched my ass, and said about how much they "wanted to touch my mum" and "wanted to touch my bum" - this they did at the same time, and i think there was a communication error between the two of them, because it was meant to creep me out, obviously. It was probably meant to be about my mum cus they had already touched my ass.

    The main reason I would report it is because I had no idea how to act. And i'm normally quite feisty when it comes to looking out for myself. If the school had told us how to act, maybe given us some quips, then I wouldn't have felt so hopeless and I think that that is the most useful thing that could come out of my reporting it.

    Thank you so much, everyone for your replies, I really needed advice on this, and friends are so angry about it that they don't give it so impartially.
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    (Original post by 1drowssap)
    Let me just say that it what those boys did to you is totally inappropriate and extremely disgusting. I know you must feel really upset, and I am sorry this has happened to you, but try to keep calm. You could try and tell what had happened to your parents, and discuss with them what to do next. You should also report this to the appropriate personnel at your school, for e.g. your form teacher. What they did is a criminal offence, and they shouldn't get away with it. If all else fails, you may even want to lodge a police report.

    Whatever it is, you should also try not to let the matter affect you, especially when its so close to the exams. Do what you can, and try your very best to move on, as what has happened cannot be undone. The law WILL catch up with them.
    Thank you for your empathy, it's really odd how I feel about it though, because that's exactly what I'd have expected to feel, but instead I just feel scared of reporting it, and a bit cross with them. I'd be more angry, but i'm quite worried about how they'd react to my reporting them, which is why I didn't report it in the first place.
    I couldn't possibly discuss this with my parents, although that's good advice, my mum would go crazy and demand their heads on a plate, and my dad would just be worried. The school is who I was thinking of reporting it to, but I'm also worried about what will happen.

    You're definitely right about the exams, so if i reported it at all, i'd have to do it when I go back after Easter, so it would be over with before exams started.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your empathy, it's really odd how I feel about it though, because that's exactly what I'd have expected to feel, but instead I just feel scared of reporting it, and a bit cross with them. I'd be more angry, but i'm quite worried about how they'd react to my reporting them, which is why I didn't report it in the first place.
    I couldn't possibly discuss this with my parents, although that's good advice, my mum would go crazy and demand their heads on a plate, and my dad would just be worried. The school is who I was thinking of reporting it to, but I'm also worried about what will happen.

    You're definitely right about the exams, so if i reported it at all, i'd have to do it when I go back after Easter, so it would be over with before exams started.
    Well, its good to hear you aren't upset over this. But don't be afraid of reporting this incident. You haven't done anything wrong. It is a serious incident, and I feel that they should be punished. Maybe you could talk to an older sibling/older friend that you trust if you aren't comfortable with talking to your parents. Tell him/her about any fears that you have. Maybe you could also tell your school counselor, who may be more experienced at handling this situation than a regular teacher.
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    I highly doubt your school would do anything about it. I don't know why schools are so lenient when it comes to sexual harassment and sexual abuse on school premises/property. I literally went through years of sexual harassment in secondary school, at least once a day my bum was slapped publicly and I was pinned down and "gang humped". It was degrading and embarrassing, then I was attacked by a guy at my college that lured me into a isolated place. So I understand your position.

    If this is really bothering you, I suggest you report it. I reported mine, my mother even came into the school several times but nothing was done. A teacher said to me "boys will be boys my dear" as if its some excuse. I should sue tbh.
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    Hi everyone - thanks for responding. Just a situation update:

    I reported him to his female (quite feminist) year head. She wasn't surprised at the situation, apparently problems on buses are not uncommon. She was surprised at who it was though, although she believed me completely and said that she didn't even need to speak to the witnesses, which was great, because I was prepared for my allegations to be disbelieved.

    She took it seriously, and said she'd bring up my suggestion in their next meeting (on monday) to the other heads of years about giving girls tools and quips to fight harassment back with.

    She said she would also talk to the boy, and I'm going to go back into school after exams (so I don't have to run into someone who knows I reported them during the exam period) to have some sort of meeting with her and the boy, to get an apology off him.

    So I should get exactly what I wanted out of reporting it, so i'm very glad that I did - and I probably wouldn't without some of your advice/stories. So thank you all very much!

    Much love. xx
 
 
 
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