Housemate's girlfriend has effectively moved in...

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jazzybee93
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I currently live in a student house with five others- two boys and three girls. We all get along fabulously and I wouldn't swap any of them for the world.

Over Christmas, one of the guys' girlfriends (let's call her Laura) had a big fall out with all her friends, including her housemates, which incidentally left her feeling pretty ****ty (understandably) so she started spending more and more time at our house, where her boyfriend lives with us. This was no problem because she gets on quite well with everyone and there were no problems at the beginning of the year. However, since then, I've started to sense that there might be some negative feelings towards me from her, which I cannot explain at all. She told a mutual friend that she didn't like me much last year because she thought I was "too friendly" with her boyfriend, which wasn't/isn't the case as I have my own boyfriend, with whom I am very happy.

Another one of my housemates has been accused of the very same thing recently by Laura as well. Laura has told her that she doesn't like the fact that my housemate is so close to her and her boyfriend, and has asked said housemate to back off a bit. None of us feel this remark is acceptable, because we are all very good friends in the house and this sort of statement is a very awkward thing to say to someone! As you can imagine, it's been slightly uncomfortable for us since.

Our rent includes all of our electricity and water bills, so Laura isn't paying anything towards upkeep at the moment. She is still paying rent at her actual house (where her ex-friends live) so it's understandable that she cannot afford to chip in.

However- come July, she will have properly moved out of that house and will have nowhere to stay. This is where the problem lies. She has told Student Finance that she will be commuting from home to university for our third year, and therefore will be entitled to a smaller student loan because she obviously won't need to be paying any rent. Her hometown is about half an hour from uni, so of course this is completely possible. However, she has mentioned that she will be continuing to stay at our student house for six out of seven nights a week.

The four of us girls already living there do not feel this is appropriate, and our contract does state that guests are not to stay for more than 3 nights a week! Considering she is not paying any rent or bills money, we do not feel this is a fair situation, particularly as she has said things to both myself and my housemate that could consitute trouble. We basically do not want her living with us next year.

How do we go abouts telling Laura and our housemate (her boyfriend) this without causing an argument? We are all such relaxed people that we do not want any fights haha! It's a difficult situation. :confused:
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MrKappa
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Tell your housemate that you don't want her staying at your house for that and threaten to tell your landlord if he doesn't tell her to jog on.
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jazzybee93
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???
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DorianGrayism
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(Original post by jazzybee93)
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Well, tell your housemate what you told us.

It is perfectly reasonable to expect her to pay the bills at the very least.

If you feel uncomfortable about what she has said then tell your housemate as well or both of them.

If I were you:

I would simply bring up the rent/bills issue. She cannot argue about that.

The other issue is really about how important your friendship is and whether your housemate will respond maturely. I cannot make a judgement on that.
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DorianGrayism
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Or you could sleep with your housemate and cause them to break up.
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>Username<
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It's a very complex situation.

What does your friend say about all this? Is he happy paying for his girlfriend? Is next years living arrangements signed and set in stone?

Either way I think there will be an argument. If you do nothing it's not fair that everyone is paying extra for one more person.
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TurboCretin
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(Original post by jazzybee93)
I currently live in a student house with five others- two boys and three girls. We all get along fabulously and I wouldn't swap any of them for the world.

Over Christmas, one of the guys' girlfriends (let's call her Laura) had a big fall out with all her friends, including her housemates, which incidentally left her feeling pretty ****ty (understandably) so she started spending more and more time at our house, where her boyfriend lives with us. This was no problem because she gets on quite well with everyone and there were no problems at the beginning of the year. However, since then, I've started to sense that there might be some negative feelings towards me from her, which I cannot explain at all. She told a mutual friend that she didn't like me much last year because she thought I was "too friendly" with her boyfriend, which wasn't/isn't the case as I have my own boyfriend, with whom I am very happy.

Another one of my housemates has been accused of the very same thing recently by Laura as well. Laura has told her that she doesn't like the fact that my housemate is so close to her and her boyfriend, and has asked said housemate to back off a bit. None of us feel this remark is acceptable, because we are all very good friends in the house and this sort of statement is a very awkward thing to say to someone! As you can imagine, it's been slightly uncomfortable for us since.

Our rent includes all of our electricity and water bills, so Laura isn't paying anything towards upkeep at the moment. She is still paying rent at her actual house (where her ex-friends live) so it's understandable that she cannot afford to chip in.

However- come July, she will have properly moved out of that house and will have nowhere to stay. This is where the problem lies. She has told Student Finance that she will be commuting from home to university for our third year, and therefore will be entitled to a smaller student loan because she obviously won't need to be paying any rent. Her hometown is about half an hour from uni, so of course this is completely possible. However, she has mentioned that she will be continuing to stay at our student house for six out of seven nights a week.

The four of us girls already living there do not feel this is appropriate, and our contract does state that guests are not to stay for more than 3 nights a week! Considering she is not paying any rent or bills money, we do not feel this is a fair situation, particularly as she has said things to both myself and my housemate that could consitute trouble. We basically do not want her living with us next year.

How do we go abouts telling Laura and our housemate (her boyfriend) this without causing an argument? We are all such relaxed people that we do not want any fights haha! It's a difficult situation. :confused:
The irony of all this is that I'm sure she wouldn't be so adamant about staying over so much if she wasn't so paranoid about you and your female housemates being 'too friendly' with her boyfriend.

What this means is that, whatever you do, if she doesn't get her way she will probably presume you and your other housemates were behind it, and if nothing else that is likely to confirm her paranoid suspicions. Long story short, unless you take the route of knuckling under (and, to be frank, why the hell should you) there is almost certainly going to be conflict.

I think the only chance you have of avoiding a sticky situation is to try to get to know this girl away from her boyfriend, and dissolve her framing of you as 'boyfriend's housemate'. Given that this measure is unlikely to appeal to you, I would prepare yourself for some form of awkwardness or confrontation.
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