I don't want to be gay...I just can't be...not sure what to do...

According to the Gender Studies subject I did in Uni before, only you can dictate what your gender is, society may not approve it, but in the end, your choice is what matters most.

I actually have a friend who had the exact dilemma before, he LOVES women and wants to be with a woman, but the thing is that the female genitalia just can't give him the satisfaction he wants.

So he decided to go for a pre-op transgender woman (as what you have said). He said that she is a woman to him and loves him more than a biological woman can, but also gives him the satisfaction he's looking for.

They're happily married now

You'll find some guy who will come along and take care of you just as much (if not better).

From what you've written it doesn't sound like you've ever actually tried having sex with a guy. Maybe you'd have just as much trouble there as you would with a girl, and you're actually straight (or possibly bi) and simply have potency problems? Perhaps you should see a doctor.

I can't go on this way much longer...

Some background info...


This is killing me inside. Recently I've been looking through the facebooks of the girls who at one point of my life were attracted to me, most of them are now in relationships. Even the ones who aren't, it doesn't matter as I know those ships have sailed. I don't mind too much but I can't help but thinking, what if I wasn't gay, I could maybe be with one of them right now, in a happy relationship, maybe even thinking about marriage in the next few years...but instead they are with someone else (or will be) and here I am, essentially alone (or soon to be), depressed and only able to have sex with men despite wanting it with women.


So that girl I mentioned I had been seeing over the winter, sex was restricted to oral (even as I was getting head I sometimes struggled to stay fully hard). I started getting depressed again so I broke it off and said when I'm feeling better I'd call her. It was one of the hardest things I ever did as I really really liked her. What hurt more is that I knew deep down I would never get 'better'.

Anyway so a couple of weeks ago I called her, she came over and it was basically the same thing all over again and its been like that since.

I haven't felt this way for a woman ever before in my life, I really like her a lot. Every second I spend with her I like her more and more. I'm trying to imagine ending it indefinitely, her getting over me and finding someone else, getting married etc etc while I'll be off somewhere having sex with ****ing horrible ****ing men! It makes me feel so ****ing pathetic!

When I see young couples walking about I always think, 'what if that guy was gay'. Then I'd think of the girl off with another guy, not a care in the world for her 'would have been lover' (all due to a slight chemical difference in the body...probably). And thats how I feel, if I had a tiny tiny difference in my chemical make up, there would be a woman out there right now who I should have been with, who is currently with another man because I ended up gay! It wears me out.

I'm not feeling depressed right now this minute, hopefully it will be kept at bay and under control for a long time, but I know that when this 'relationship' falls apart the depression is coming back. I'm already having some pretty dark thoughts even though I feel relatively good...I am worried when the depression come back these thoughts get magnified and I do something stupid...

What age is your friend? How did he find it having sex with 'biological women? Well at least I know I'm not alone, though it doesn't take away from the fact that I feel like I've drawn the short straw sexually. I mean even if I can be happy with pre-op transgenders, it doesn't take anything away from the fact that there are considerably less to chose from when looking for a partner...

Nor does it help me get over the fact that I get depressed when I think about what could have been...if I was a plain old, bog standard gay guy, I feel that wouldn't be an issue. So I guess it maybe indicates I'm not gay, but asks the question, maybe it would be better if I was...

He was 21 when he had the problem, he's 26 now. Like the other poster said, don't beat yourself because of this, you need to learn how to be comfortable with yourself.

Don't let the idea of gender, dictated by the society, affects you - it will just ruin your happiness.

Try to be alone for awhile, assert yourself.


Posted from TSR Mobile

According to the Gender Studies subject I did in Uni before, only you can dictate what your gender is, society may not approve it, but in the end, your choice is what matters most.

I actually have a friend who had the exact dilemma before, he LOVES women and wants to be with a woman, but the thing is that the female genitalia just can't give him the satisfaction he wants.

So he decided to go for a pre-op transgender woman (as what you have said). He said that she is a woman to him and loves him more than a biological woman can, but also gives him the satisfaction he's looking for.

They're happily married now

I can't go on this way much longer...

Some background info...


This is killing me inside. Recently I've been looking through the facebooks of the girls who at one point of my life were attracted to me, most of them are now in relationships. Even the ones who aren't, it doesn't matter as I know those ships have sailed. I don't mind too much but I can't help but thinking, what if I wasn't gay, I could maybe be with one of them right now, in a happy relationship, maybe even thinking about marriage in the next few years...but instead they are with someone else (or will be) and here I am, essentially alone (or soon to be), depressed and only able to have sex with men despite wanting it with women.


So that girl I mentioned I had been seeing over the winter, sex was restricted to oral (even as I was getting head I sometimes struggled to stay fully hard). I started getting depressed again so I broke it off and said when I'm feeling better I'd call her. It was one of the hardest things I ever did as I really really liked her. What hurt more is that I knew deep down I would never get 'better'.

Anyway so a couple of weeks ago I called her, she came over and it was basically the same thing all over again and its been like that since.

I haven't felt this way for a woman ever before in my life, I really like her a lot. Every second I spend with her I like her more and more. I'm trying to imagine ending it indefinitely, her getting over me and finding someone else, getting married etc etc while I'll be off somewhere having sex with ****ing horrible ****ing men! It makes me feel so ****ing pathetic!

When I see young couples walking about I always think, 'what if that guy was gay'. Then I'd think of the girl off with another guy, not a care in the world for her 'would have been lover' (all due to a slight chemical difference in the body...probably). And thats how I feel, if I had a tiny tiny difference in my chemical make up, there would be a woman out there right now who I should have been with, who is currently with another man because I ended up gay! It wears me out.

I'm not feeling depressed right now this minute, hopefully it will be kept at bay and under control for a long time, but I know that when this 'relationship' falls apart the depression is coming back. I'm already having some pretty dark thoughts even though I feel relatively good...I am worried when the depression come back these thoughts get magnified and I do something stupid...