Sigma Bond
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Hi,

When writing my essays I use the PEEL method. However, when I get my essay back I usually get a grade C or low grade B, because sometimes I don't analyse my evidence. I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice on how to do so, and make it distinctly obvious to the examiner that I'm actually trying to analyse in my paragraphs.

Thanks.

EDIT: Here's an example of a paragraph I wrote.

The Russo-Japanese war could be argued as the main cause of the 1905 revolution. This is because Russia suffered a humiliating defeat against a much smaller country. On May 27th, The Russian Baltic Fleet lost 25/35 warships at the Battle of Tsushima. Nicholas II thought it would be a quick and easy war, however after RUssia's defeat people seen him as incompetent, and social tension within Russia increased as a result; and overall led to the 1905 revolution.

Would you say I have analysed my evidence here? Or told it too much like a story?
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givemestrength
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Hiya !

Personally, I have only seen ONE analytical point which is that people saw him as incompetent. You could also say something like ' whilst initially the war increased the support of the Tsar through patriotism, its humiliating defeat not only reduced the moral of the soldiers, but also led to people viewing the Tsar as an incompetent leader thus......'
Just my though - im not an A* student or anything

Side note ; If thats EXACTLY how you wrote your paragraph, can i recommend checkign through your grammar when your write cause that can also lose you some marks'
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FayeBailey
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(Original post by Sigma Bond)
Hi,

When writing my essays I use the PEEL method. However, when I get my essay back I usually get a grade C or low grade B, because sometimes I don't analyse my evidence. I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice on how to do so, and make it distinctly obvious to the examiner that I'm actually trying to analyse in my paragraphs.

Thanks.

EDIT: Here's an example of a paragraph I wrote.

The Russo-Japanese war could be argued as the main cause of the 1905 revolution. This is because Russia suffered a humiliating defeat against a much smaller country. On May 27th, The Russian Baltic Fleet lost 25/35 warships at the Battle of Tsushima. Nicholas II thought it would be a quick and easy war, however after RUssia's defeat people seen him as incompetent, and social tension within Russia increased as a result; and overall led to the 1905 revolution.

Would you say I have analysed my evidence here? Or told it too much like a story?
Iv just been revising this today. This is good but I would elaborate on it more e.g Nichollas attempted to use the war to divert the peoples attention from the problems at home, however instead by losing the war, this anger people more and showed that the government was irresponsible. Therefore the war acted as a catalyst for the revolution. Something like that anyway! Hope that helps
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Sigma Bond
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by givemestrength)
Hiya !

Personally, I have only seen ONE analytical point which is that people saw him as incompetent. You could also say something like ' whilst initially the war increased the support of the Tsar through patriotism, its humiliating defeat not only reduced the moral of the soldiers, but also led to people viewing the Tsar as an incompetent leader thus......'
Just my though - im not an A* student or anything

Side note ; If thats EXACTLY how you wrote your paragraph, can i recommend checkign through your grammar when your write cause that can also lose you some marks'
Thank you! I sort of rushed this off the top of my head which is why there are a few mistakes.
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ibbi1824
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Hi i'm doing Edexcel Unit 2 on Henry VIII as well and I'm having some trouble with my introductions and conclusions for both questions I would really appreciate it if someone would help me cos I have no idea what to write for them
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