Friend Problems

Im having problems with one of my girl friends, she is behaving like a child and falling out with everyone over stupid things. I don't want to lose her as a friend but if she doesn't change then she is on her own. I know this must sound quite harsh but she has done so many things in the past that im just not sure I can take any more.

Two months ago me, my boyfriend and his friend all went out to the cinema on a spur of the moment type thing. We hadn't really thought it through, we were just hanging out and decided to go to the cinema. Since this girl found out that we all went out to the cinema together, she has been starting fights with all of us and treating us really badly because she wasn't included. Now, she doesn't like my boyfriend or his friend and chances are that if she was invited, she wouldn't have went but for someone who is 17 years old, she is acting like a child. I honestly don't see the big deal, she was hurt that I went out with other people but why shouldn't I? Should I not have other friends? Was I being a bad friend for not inviting her?

Last week she phoned me up asking me if I wanted to go out one night with her and a few of our other friends. I said no because I just didn't have the money to go out that night. They money that I did have I had to keep because I was taking my two nieces out ice-skating and swimming. Money is a bit tight for me now, I don't have a job just yet but she doesn't seem to understand this. She just can't take no for an answer, she even asked me to cancel on my seven and eight year old neices just so that I could go out with her. I refused several times and eventually, she hung up on me and i've not heard from her since. Now im sitting here a week later feeling guilty because I didn't do what she wanted. I couldn't just cancel on my nieces, they were looking forward to it so much that I just couldn't upset them like that and in my opinion, family comes first.

I just feel a bit silly because at 18 years old, it's like being in primary school again. In my opinion she is just being very pathetic and acting like a child but at the same time, maybe what I did was wrong. Was I wrong for not inviting her out with us? Was I wrong to go out with my other friends when she was sitting at home alone? She seems to think so. I just don't know what to do about her. Some people have told me to talk to her, others have told me to get rid of her. When she isn't acting like this, she is a nice enough girl but to be honest, I don't see that side of her that much anymore. What are your opinions?

If you actually read this, thanks a lot lol cause it was awfully long...

Reply 1

Sheen

your friend is being really silly.
you havnt done anything wrong.
as you said it was a spur of the moment thing so how could you invite her?
she should just get over it and as for not liking your boyfriend and his mate because she didnt get invited is just petty.

your right to stick to your gun and take you niece out. your promised them and as you said you dont have much cash at the mo, you should still save your money and take them skating
im sure theyd be more upset than your friend would be if you didnt take them out, but then again your mate is being childish so maybe not.

maybe your mate is being like this because she thinks she's losing you as a mate cos she hasnt seen you as much? maybe shes feeling left out and thinks you dont like her anymore or something. i dunno. i think you need to talk to her and ask her whats up and why shes being like that.

Reply 2

username47781

Well she seems very insecure but thats no reason for her to starts fights i would just cut off all ties with her she seems a waste of time.

Reply 3

Sazarina88

Carl1982

Well she seems very insecure but thats no reason for her to starts fights i would just cut off all ties with her she seems a waste of time.

Blunt, but most likely true.

Perhaps talk to her first and then take it from there?

Reply 4

sarahb

The incident about the cinema... u were not a bad friend AT ALL... it seems as though she was just very jealous about it! Just because she is your friend, it doesnt mean that she should be invtied everywhere.

i think that you not canceling on your nieces was the right thing to do, i definatly agre that family comes first. and if youve already made plans, with whoever it is, she cant expect you to cancel just for her! she has to respect that you have other things to do that dont include her.

i completely agre with you that she was being pathetic. you were NOT wrong for not inviting her, you were NOT wrong to not go out if you didnt want to! dont let her make you feel as though you were.

i would agre with those who tel you to talk to her, i wouldnt ger rid of her just yet - after all, you are a friend, and as a friend you need to help her through what seems to be jealousy issues. i think you should sit her down and just explain to her that you have other friends, and that if you dont invite her out its nothing against her, and it doesnt mean that you dont like her! if she knows she is secure in your friendship, her jealousy issues shouldnt be as bad, and she mite ease off. however if you tell her, and she carries on, then you need to think about taking other action!

Reply 5

Louise88

She has commented on the fact that she feels as if she is losing me because i've got a boyfriend but this was way back in April. I don't know if she is still feeling like that but to be perfectly honest, I see a lot more of her than I do my boyfriend. It's not as if im leaving her our or seeing her less. She was so jealous that I had found someone else to be close to though, she would never give us time alone and would go in a mood with us if we acted like a couple around her. She is constantly trying to get my to dump him when im actually really happy in the relationship.

I just wouldn't know where to start with her, she is so difficult to talk to about things like this because she is so easily insulted and takes everything personally so chances are, she would turn it into a huge fight but it's not as if I can just leave it and pretend everything is ok when it's not. I have been told by a few people to just give up on her because of the way she treats people, they say im too soft for giving her more chances and I guess they are right but this really is it, I can't take much more of this.

I will try and speak to her but she takes things like this really badly, which I guess is understandable but at the same time, it kinda needs to be done. I just wish there was a way to avoid hurting her when I bring it up.

Reply 6

Sheen

well id try and talk to her and see how goes but if that doesnt work then maybe you should give up.

i think what she needs is to get a boyfriend herself, maybe shes jealous that you have a boyfriend to share and care for and she doesnt so she's feeling alone because of that.
she could be jealous of the close relationship you have with someone who happens not to be her.
if she had a boyfriend of her own maybe she wouldnt be like this hmm.

Reply 7

Louise88

Yeah, that could be it. For the past two years it's pretty much been me and her, very close friends and she hasn't really had to worry about me being close to anyone else until now. I will try and talk to her though and hopefully she will see where im coming from.

Thank you very much for your replies

Reply 8

Sheen

Louise88

since youve said that i reckon its because you have a boyfriend. she must feel like hes stepping in on her territory so to speak.
you just need to reassure her that you still want to be her friend, that you still care about her and that your boyfriend could never take her place and hopefully all should be well

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