Unapproachable, until I approach

Sorry for the long post. I’m a 17 year old girl. Generally I am quite a secluded person. I have an amazing yet fairly small group of friends. This isn’t because I don’t want to talk to new people, but because other people never seem to want to talk to me.

The other night I went with my friend to her boyfriend’s party. I got there, and again, straight away felt secluded, as nobody seemed to want to talk, and I clung to my friend. I felt bad however, as she was there with her bf. So I had a few drinks, which gave me a bit of confidence and I decided to push myself and just talk to people. I sat down at the table with all the guys and just started to introduce myself, but one of them interrupted, telling me that they all know who I am. Another boy said that they see me around college all the time, and that he had always really wanted to talk to me and stuff. Now whenever I see any of them in town they all stop for a chat :biggrin:

I wouldn’t consider myself to be an unfriendly looking person, so I can’t understand why I am always so unapproachable to people, until after I have introduced myself (lol now I can’t get rid of them). I mean if they had wanted to talk before, why they hadn’t just done it, rather than ignored me? Does anyone else have this problem, because it seems to be quite commonplace with me and I don’t understand why? :confused:

Thanks

Reply 1

Triplet1

13

Maybe they have just been worried you wont want to talk to them or felt they couldnt talk to you when your around your close friends??

:smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

But they always talk to my friend, even when I was there right next to them with her, they just sort of ignored me. I just kind of got the impression that they didn’t like me very much, but now it seems like they have wanted to speak to me for ages. One of them is in one of my classes and didn’t speak to me all year. I mean if he wanted to be friends before, he had the opportunity.

Reply 3

Kolya

17

Anonymous

I mean if they had wanted to talk before, why they hadn’t just done it, rather than ignored me?
Thanks

It is probably because they were too shy, embarrassed, or self-conscious to approach you. As it is likely they saw you with your close friends then many people would feel awkward entering into your conversation as an outsider and introducing themselves.

Or, perhaps, they simply wondered why you were not introducing yourself to them and they were thinking that they were the ones that were unapproachable!

Pfft, those teenage boys :rolleyes:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for your help and advice. :biggrin:

I don't mind being the one to have to first approach someone, as I wouldn't say that i am an unconfident person. :biggrin:

It's just a bit frustrating to keep later hearing that people have been wanting to make conversation, but have been holding back. I was thinking of asking someone to whom i've had this experience with, as to why they didn't approach me when they first wanted to, but that might seem a bit rude. :confused:

Reply 5

khil

15

Maybe it's the way you hold yourself. If you're not very confident, it shows. If you're shy, it shows. You become defensive, or maybe invisible cus you're so quiet. So either you don't seem approachable or you don't seem to wanna be approached. Do you smile a lot? Try smiling more, and laughing.

Reply 6

khil

15

Anonymous

Thanks for your help and advice. :biggrin:

I don't mind being the one to have to first approach someone, as I wouldn't say that i am an unconfident person. :biggrin:

It's just a bit frustrating to keep later hearing that people have been wanting to make conversation, but have been holding back. I was thinking of asking someone to whom i've had this experience with, as to why they didn't approach me when they first wanted to, but that might seem a bit rude. :confused:

Why would that be rude? Ask away! Find out the reason so you can do something about it.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Yeah thanks, I will take that into consideration. I think I like the familiarity of being round my close friends, I suppose it's like a security thing, and perhaps that shows. I suppose i've just got to try and make a bit more effort to socialise with new people as well as my friends, because I don't want to have to keep relying on them to always be there. You are right, i mean i do smile, but I suppose i shud just try and be a bit more chatty.

Reply 8

RogueTrader

15

When a guy talks about an unapproachable girl, it is generally one he considers 'out of his league'. They probably think you are good lookin.

Unapproachable, until I approach

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