I just want my boyfriend back

Myself and my ex-boyfriend have been broke up for a little over a month now, after I moved away to university things just fell apart, we hardly saw each other, we hardly spoke and things just got real bad.

I have been home for Easter for a while now and whilst I've been home I've seen him a lot and all the feelings have just come back. I am going to be coming home more to see him and my family, we're still close friends.

He has another guy, he told me when I came home that he'd been dating him for a couple of weeks and on Friday they got together.

He tells me he really likes this person and that he wants it to work. However, we are talking a lot, like we used to, and I think his feelings for me are coming back. He came to see my mother yesterday with me and we just hugged for a little bit because I got upset, and he keeps telling me to look after myself and that he wants to see me when I come back home.

Also, before he left last night he told me that he kind of regrets moving on so fast and wished he'd have left it a bit.

I just don't know what to do, or what to think. He's with another guy and it hurts, it hurts so bad and I just want my boyfriend back. We were together for two years and he has moved on so fast it just feels weird. We broke up because we never spoke and because I neglected him, and he's said that he just wants someone to be there for him because I wasn't... I think that's why he has moved on so fast? This new person can be there for him whenever and wherever, and I can't because I live away from home... I know for a fact if I never had moved away we would still be together and I wouldn't be writing this. It is partly my fault though, for neglecting him. I thought that I didn't want to be with him anymore but now I realise that's all I want, and that I love him to bits.

I have heard about the NCR but I really don't think that will work... the whole reason we broke up was because of no contact.

I just don't know what to do...

Reply 1

Kabloomybuzz

19

It seems to me that having contact is painful to you because its not the sort of contact you want. But if he has chosen to move on, there really isn't a great deal you can do.

While of course it is possible to stay friends with an ex, it is often the case that contact in the first few weeks and moths after a breakup can be very painful for both parties, so it really may be best to cut contact and focus on other things at least for a set period of time.

Reply 2

suzannataylor

7

It sounds like he does still have feelings for you but that the relationship wasn't great for him because he felt neglected and that he needed something else. Perhaps it would be best to try to move on yourself, if things were meant to be with him I do think that they will eventually come back together, but for now it's best to stay away from a relationship that wasn't working.

Reply 3

cwil2012

It's difficult to be in a relationship while at University especially if it's long distance!

I think that people are right when they say that if it's meant to be then you will end up together whether that be in a few months or a few years.

What I think you should do for now is focus on University and University life and have no contact till Summer. It would give you both a chance to realise what you want and then you both need to have a talk when you next go home. It's so much easier to remember the good times when you see someone but you weren't working at the moment for a reason and you shouldn't forget that.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

I disagree with the others. If you really love this guy and think you belong together, your splitting up is down to a mistake (on your behalf) which can now be changed - and you are serious about that change, and he also still has feelings / may want to return to the relationship then FIGHT FOR HIM. Or are you only interested if he makes it easy for you? I wouldn't let the love of my life slip through my fingers.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I disagree with the others. If you really love this guy and think you belong together, your splitting up is down to a mistake (on your behalf) which can now be changed - and you are serious about that change, and he also still has feelings / may want to return to the relationship then FIGHT FOR HIM. Or are you only interested if he makes it easy for you? I wouldn't let the love of my life slip through my fingers.

I don't think he is interested now.. he moved on so fast, he's already in another relationship. He hasn't spoke to me all weekend as he's been with him, it's just weird.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by (Ari)

Try finding a women.

A women?

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

I'm in a really similar position to you, OP. I seriously wronged him, took him for granted, didn't devote much time to him... It's only now that he's gone do I realise what he means to me. I pine for him everyday. But then I think. Am I being selfish? This new guy might treat him better than me, be able to give him more time... But it hurts so bad. We just get each other. I haven't spoken to him in weeks. But I think I might message him. What do you say? We both do it together.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I'm in a really similar position to you, OP. I seriously wronged him, took him for granted, didn't devote much time to him... It's only now that he's gone do I realise what he means to me. I pine for him everyday. But then I think. Am I being selfish? This new guy might treat him better than me, be able to give him more time... But it hurts so bad. We just get each other. I haven't spoken to him in weeks. But I think I might message him. What do you say? We both do it together.

Any way you could come off anon and I'll PM you :smile:

Reply 9

fredscarecrow

18

OP its a tricky one. Id say its too soon to make any real decisions about still being in love with each other. When I broke up with my partner of 2 years I was absolutley devastated. I was certain I had ro call him up and tell him it was the worst mistake of my life etc but my mom told me to leave it 6 months with no contact and see how I felt then.

By 6 months I was still sad for the loss of the relationship but Id learnt how to be by myself again and enjoy my life on my own. Best decision I ever made.

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 10

brownbearxo

16

Have a frank convo with him. Tell him whats in your head. It could go either way and if its not the way you want unfortunately the ncr will apply so you can heal. Hope it works out for you, relationships should never make you feel like crap xx