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Would you tell your sibling that a guy they are getting married to is infertile?

I was told a couple of weeks ago by a girl who once dated the guy my sister is going out with that he's in fertile as a result of a rugby injury.

My sister just told us that they are together and plan on getting married next year. There's always been sibling rivalry between my sister and I so I don't think me revealing this would look good at all, considering I'm single and not getting married.

For all I know this might not be true, it might have been the other girl just stirring, I don't know. My sister has always loved kids so this would affect her if it was true.

It's a catch 22, damned if I reveal, damned if I don't. What do I do?

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Reply 1
It's absolutely nobody's business but theirs.
If or when he decides to tell your sister that he is infertile is 100% his choice, taking that decision away from him is selfish and cruel. There's nothing else to say on the matter.
Original post by Anonymous
I was told a couple of weeks ago by a girl who once dated the guy my sister is going out with that he's in fertile as a result of a rugby injury.

My sister just told us that they are together and plan on getting married next year. There's always been sibling rivalry between my sister and I so I don't think me revealing this would look good at all, considering I'm single and not getting married.

For all I know this might not be true, it might have been the other girl just stirring, I don't know. My sister has always loved kids so this would affect her if it was true.

It's a catch 22, damned if I reveal, damned if I don't. What do I do?


Has she said anything which reveals she definitely does not know about this? If it is true and the ex girlfriend knows then he probably would have told your sister too.

If you are really concerned why not talk to a neutral family member about it? Someone who is involved in the situation and knows the relationship would probably be able to provide more useful advice and a bit of support.
Original post by Syncesta
It's absolutely nobody's business but theirs.
If or when he decides to tell your sister that he is infertile is 100% his choice, taking that decision away from him is selfish and cruel. There's nothing else to say on the matter.


Er not really, he is marrying this girl! If they were just in a relationship fine keep your nose out but OP has understandable concerns for her sister.

If I married someone and they lied to me about being infertile I would be very upset and if my sister knew I would feel betrayed that she didn't tell.

OP is perfectly within their rights as a caring sibling to be concerned.
Reply 4
Original post by Georgie_M
Er not really, he is marrying this girl! If they were just in a relationship fine keep your nose out but OP has understandable concerns for her sister.

If I married someone and they lied to me about being infertile I would be very upset and if my sister knew I would feel betrayed that she didn't tell.

OP is perfectly within their rights as a caring sibling to be concerned.


It's a tricky one.
I wouldn't say anything especially since you're not even sure the ex is telling the truth. If she's lying, your sister and her and will hate you and if not...theyll probably still hate you.

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Tell your parents, maybe they could pass on the information to her instead?
Original post by Anonymous
It's a tricky one.


Yeah i don't necessarily mean tell her - I just feel your concerns are 100% understandable. It is a difficult dilemma.
Reply 8
Original post by Georgie_M
Has she said anything which reveals she definitely does not know about this? If it is true and the ex girlfriend knows then he probably would have told your sister too.

If you are really concerned why not talk to a neutral family member about it? Someone who is involved in the situation and knows the relationship would probably be able to provide more useful advice and a bit of support.


The ex gf told me that the reason another ex gf of his called off the relationship was because he had told her that he can't have kids. So his ex told him that he was naive for revealing it in the first place which makes me think that he would think twice about revealing it ever again.

My sister loves kids so much, it would be a deal breaker.
Reply 9
You are not invested into the relationship and so it is not your place to decide for them when such things are to be discussed. How would this cause anything but anguish if introduced into their relationship prematurely? They're happy together as they are and if they are engaged then obviously they like each other enough to make a serious commitment to each other.

It's nobody's business but theirs.
Stay out of it is my best advice. You don't know if it is 100% true and, that aside, it is their business to sort out. If it is true love it might not matter either.
Original post by Anonymous
I was told a couple of weeks ago by a girl who once dated the guy my sister is going out with that he's in fertile as a result of a rugby injury.
I'm not a doctor, but seems highly improbable that that's true. Just ignore it.
If I was 100% sure that the person my brother was dating was infertile and I knew he wanted kids, I would wait for her to tell him in her own time but if she's being long with it I might do a little encouraging :innocent: because it would be better to hear it from her and not me to be honest. I would say something eventually though and I hope he would do the same for me :smile:
Without a shadow of a doubt.
I know no one in my family would marry someone that couldn't have kids so it wouldn't be right for me not to say anything.
Not to mention the family name would get tarnished which cannot happen
Original post by matthewduncan
Without a shadow of a doubt.
I know no one in my family would marry someone that couldn't have kids so it wouldn't be right for me not to say anything.
Not to mention the family name would get tarnished which cannot happen


Then again it might not be true
ask your future brother-in-law if it is true. If he says no keep quiet, if he says yes ask when he intends to tell your sister.
It's medically implausible that a rugby injury could cause irreconcilable fertility problems, and imo pretty unlikely that it would cause any significant problem at all.

Were both of his balls sheared off? If so, I expect your sister can work that out on her own :tongue:

I think your friend* is simply exaggerating. But if you are concerned, the mature and considerate thing would be to approach your sister's fiance, and speak to him about it directly.

*Sorry, his ex :rolleyes:
(edited 9 years ago)
Your sister could already know, but because they love each other they have decided to carry on with the marriage. If I were you I would keep quiet as you don't know 100% of the story.
Could be a deal breaker tbh. If it's 90-100% true, I would mention it tbh.

Don't care if it's not my place to say, looking out for a sibling.
No it's none of your business, it's not like fertility is a condition for getting married ... are infertile people just supposed to die alone in a corner then? Especially in this day and age where you can adopt or have a sperm donor or if the actual swimmers are still OK have IVF.

Infertility is a very sensitive thing and it's entirely his choice of when to tell her (though he should absolutely tell her before they get married, and probably already has done for all you know). I had a girlfriend who was infertile once and though I was hardly planning to have kids with her it wouldn't have crossed my mind to treat her any differently because of it.

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