The Student Room Group

Contacting ex boyfriend

I wrote a post here before about contacting an ex boyfriend, (who I was friends with for the whole 5 years we were at secondary school)

someone on here helped me find his address :biggrin: but the thing is I havent contacted him yet (chicken I know!) :redface:

I finally got up the courage to do it but I'm not sure what to write in the letter I'm going to send him :confused: we only went out for 6 weeks at the end of year 11 and I dumped him cos of exam pressure & the fact that he was my first propper bf so I freaked out a bit. It's now been 4 years and although I've been with 2 other people, I still can't help but think what if I hadn't dumped him. So that's why I want to contact him, now I'm aware that he may be with someone or may not want to be with me again but I'm willing to take that risk.. But like I said I just don't know what to say to him without it seeming weird :confused: could I put something like "I was thinking of the old times at school and thought of you, thought maybe we could get in contact again, it was a shame to throw away such a good friendship.. blah blah blah" :redface:
Reply 1
"I still hold a candle for you"

the end :p:
Reply 2
I wouldn't mention the relationship at all. Just say something like "hey, haven't spoken to you for ages! Got loads to catch up with if you wanna meet some time? Hope you're happy!"
Reply 3
ah ok I wont mention the relationship, should I keep it short n sweet then wait for his reply? I think Im just gonna get a pretty card and write it in that, looks weird on the lined paper I have lol :smile: what contact details should I put (cos my mobile number has changed over the 4 years lol) so should I just put that down, and my email address? maybe my postal address as well incase he decides to write back :confused:
Reply 4
Mobile and email probably best - most people have one or both of those these days - plus it means he's more likely to reply. Email or text/call takes less time and effort than writing a letter (debateable but it seems to be the general consensus). Just say you were looking at some old pictures or something and you thought you'd get in touch and see how he's doing, what he's up to etc! Good luck!
Reply 5
Anonymous
I wrote a post here before about contacting an ex boyfriend, (who I was friends with for the whole 5 years we were at secondary school)

someone on here helped me find his address :biggrin: but the thing is I havent contacted him yet (chicken I know!) :redface:

I finally got up the courage to do it but I'm not sure what to write in the letter I'm going to send him :confused: we only went out for 6 weeks at the end of year 11 and I dumped him cos of exam pressure & the fact that he was my first propper bf so I freaked out a bit. It's now been 4 years and although I've been with 2 other people, I still can't help but think what if I hadn't dumped him. So that's why I want to contact him, now I'm aware that he may be with someone or may not want to be with me again but I'm willing to take that risk.. But like I said I just don't know what to say to him without it seeming weird :confused: could I put something like "I was thinking of the old times at school and thought of you, thought maybe we could get in contact again, it was a shame to throw away such a good friendship.. blah blah blah" :redface:

Theres something i dont get about this, if you was such good friends then how come he didnt keep intouch with you or anything :confused:
Probably cos of the 6 week relationship thing?
Reply 7
above post wasn't intended as anon sorrrry!
Reply 8
You seem to think that sending a pretty card and writing something sweet in it, will make him interested in you. I can't repeat it enough but it won't!

What will happen is that he'll find it so weird that you're getting back to him, clearly trying to get him back (if you make it obvious that that's why you're contacting him, it's game over!), that it will come across as desperate.

Now, forget about all the nice and sweet things you want to tell him (that you mistakenly thought might make him more interested) and tell yourself that this card is only to get in touch with him. Don't send a cute or pretty card: a basic postcard would be a lot better. Keep it really simple, including your e-mail address (Msn address even better maybe?) and mobile and tell him that it would be nice to get back in touch, that you were just wondering how he was doing (for heaven's sake, DO NOT tell him that you've been thinking about him loads recently), and that you'd like to get back in touch.

So I'm assuming you don't have his mobile number?
Reply 9
well we did for a while after we left school, just the odd text though cos after we broke up he went a bit weird with me :frown: anyway last time we saw each other was results day then after that whenever I text him it came back undelivered.. I think he was just mad at me for breaking up with him and I can understand why he would be hurt because he was also the first person who said he loved me so yeah..

edit: ok I gave away my identity lol dunno why I bothered with annon in the first place
:p:

anyway yeah I get what you mean Sticky but it would be nice to have the friendship part of it back, if ya know what I mean, I feel like I really miss that but it's a shame that the people I'm still in touch with from school are no longer in touch with him either or at least they say they're not :confused:
Reply 10
aleathiel
well we did for a while after we left school, just the odd text though cos after we broke up he went a bit weird with me :frown: anyway last time we saw each other was results day then after that whenever I text him it came back undelivered.. I think he was just mad at me for breaking up with him and I can understand why he would be hurt because he was also the first person who said he loved me so yeah..

edit: ok I gave away my identity lol dunno why I bothered with annon in the first place
:p:

anyway yeah I get what you mean Sticky

So he couldn't of been that crazy about you really then, no offence or anything but most guys would of atleast made the effort to be friends.
Anyway thats a good reason not to go giving him the wrong impression when you do contact him
Reply 11
aleathiel

anyway yeah I get what you mean Sticky


It's only because I've done it many times and failed miserably that I'm telling you this. It's been with exes or girls who I knew fancied me in the past. You have to accept that it's very unlikely that they've been thinking about you as much as you have been thinking about them recently, maybe they haven't thought about you at all so you have to be as careful as possible.

I'd advise you not to put all your hopes on this. Maybe he won't even bother taking down your mobile number or address, or maybe he will but won't be particularly interested to see you again. Nothing stops you from giving it a go though.
ok I'll be careful :smile: thanks for the advice! :biggrin: