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Is your sex life misogynistic?

In our culture women are often treated like objects, especially with women of colour and how we are exocitized and fetishized. I think it's important to take a look at our sex lives and examine the reasons behind what we like and if any of those are sinister.

Obviously a lot of men partake in finding sexually violent and vulgar imagery and words arousing. With violent adjectives like "destroyed", "pounded" and "banged" all being used akin to an attack on a passive dehumanised victim, a thing, an achievement and conquest to be proud of feed their masculinity performance. I think if the guys you are sleeping with get off on degrading and dominating you, you should look closely in to that and check if it's influenced by latent or even obvious misgyonistic views. You should also look in to why you like be controlled and shamed with words like "slut" during sex, and address if it's perhaps you internalising sexism and also a bit of stockholm sydrome. If I was a black woman and I was sleeping with a white guy who used a racist fancy during sex, I'd definitely find that suspect, and these sexist actions should be treated no differently.

Saying women liking dominant men becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when we are constantly told this by society and not actually given a choice. Guys slave away in the gym obsessing over every muscle, worry about their penis size, their stamina, not because of the pleasure of the woman or her feelings, but because of how it makes themselves feel more masculine and like real men.

Every guy I have been with demonstrated things you see in graphic pornography and views of submissive women, this content is probably created for the misogynistic desire and not causing it, it just gives them more ideas. When 8 out of 10 guy call you a slut in bed and assume you like it that's a problem.

(edited 9 years ago)

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Reply 1

howdoyoudo

what about if a guy likes being controlled and called a slut in bed? That can't be because of internalised sexism blah blah blah now can it? It's because of... I dunno, some perfectly fine, non-mental reason probably. I'd say its the same for girls. Most of em anyway.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

danadd9

I dominate and restrain a girl in bed, and am often rough - but respect her and act as a gentlemen outside.
I think you're reading too much into it. Humans are sex-obsessed, always have been.

Reply 3

Abstraction

So basically, you're telling girls that its wrong if they like to be 'dominated' in the bedroom? I'm pretty sure most couples know how to keep that behaviour in the realm of personal enjoyment.

Also stop with the anti-men threads. I don't know who you are but you obviously have a problem.

Reply 4

Queen Lupita

Original post by danadd9

I dominate and restrain a girl in bed, and am often rough - but respect her and act as a gentlemen outside.
I think you're reading too much into it. Humans are sex-obsessed, always have been.

So you don't your desire to make a woman submissive, restrain her and act rough is at all influenced by latent sexism? You just happen to like treating them like you're the owner and in control?

Reply 5

Drewski

You seem slightly obsessed.

Original post by Queen Lupita

Obviously a lot of men partake in finding sexually violent and vulgar imagery and words arousing.

I don't think that's even remotely obvious. Where's your proof, or are you offering more anecdotal BS?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 6

ThatPerson

What couples do in their private sex lives is neither your business nor your problem.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 7

consumed by stuff

If you let them treat you that way they will treat you that way. Don't be passive it's not impossible to train a guy to have tact. If you want to be respected, demand it. He wants to sleep with you at the end of the day.

Reply 8

tehFrance

WTF am I reading? You're thinking too much about it honey, sex is sex, some women like to be dominated and others like to be in control and the same applies to men. What happens in the bedroom isn't applicable to outside the bedroom unless the guy (or girls) a complete douche.

Reply 9

Bridget Jones

Oh for **** sake! Woman, jam that hype :huff:

Your type of feminists are the reason why I'm ashamed to call myself a feminist! :rolleyes:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 10

MidnightDream

Take a few dozen chill pills and relax, you're reading too much into it

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

Jaegon Targaryen

You have too much time on your hands.

Reply 12

arkhamz

Stay off tumblr, Rosie.

Reply 13

redferry

You're going for the wrong guys. Every partner I've been with has preferred me to be the dominant one except my current relationship which is more switch.

You shouldn't be making women feel guilty about enjoying being dominated in the bedroom their are plenty of feminists out there that enjoy that sort of thing and there is nothing wrong with that.

Reply 14

IFoundWonderland

My sex life isn't misogynistic.

It's non-existent.

Reply 15

Mannyandmanny

I get where you're coming from, although not from personal experience. I have a friend who seems to delight in moaning to me about her porn obsessed boyfriend and how disgusting/degrading porn generally is. Both men and women can want to be submissive or dominant in the bedroom, but the point you make about men being encouraged to be misogynistic is completely valid and I applaud you for raising it. Not wanting men to automatically think they can degrade me like that isn't radical feminist theory. It's a basic expectation

Reply 16

username91207

I like to be dominated. Why is that a problem?

Reply 17

alea iacta est

What's wrong with wanting to be dominated? That's my own personal desire and I do not think that way because of what society tells me :lolwut:

Reply 18

danadd9

Original post by Queen Lupita

So you don't your desire to make a woman submissive, restrain her and act rough is at all influenced by latent sexism? You just happen to like treating them like you're the owner and in control?

Yep, it's primal and animal-like, I enjoy it. I don't have any reason to be sexist.
Although, I see the point where most guys view women as just a piece of meat, which IS sad.